Daily Check In #4

Bill3 · Sep 17, 2020 at 12:10 PM

Congratulations splitimage!!

MuddyBoots · Sep 19, 2020 at 11:43 AM

1 day sober...or maybe two I don't really remember. This was after two weeks so I'm thinking I can go for longer, but I'm also thinking why bother?

Desoxyn · Sep 19, 2020 at 08:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sapien

1 day sober...or maybe two I don't really remember. This was after two weeks so I'm thinking I can go for longer, but I'm also thinking why bother?

Good job on being sober! All that matters is that you try to not use and to use the drugs properly using harm reduction if you are not sober.

I'm reading the book about addiction by Gabor Mate. He says that the definition of an addiction is that it has to cause harm to the user - Otherwise it's not really an addiction. No one that feels good would do something to harm themselves.

You have to solve the deeper problem like possible trauma.

Desoxyn · Sep 19, 2020 at 09:05 PM

I'm not dependent on phenibut or benzos anymore.

I did take 400mg of phenibut yesterday and it gave me a panic attack so I threw it away. I also took an extra 20mg of Vyvanse on top of my 40mg which didn't help with the panic.

I'm trying to take my meds as prescribed. So far it's going good. I smoked some weed today because I think that it helps me to allow myself to do things like read - Not enough to get high but instead just relaxed.

sarahsweets · Sep 21, 2020 at 03:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Desoxyn

I'm not dependent on phenibut or benzos anymore.

I did take 400mg of phenibut yesterday and it gave me a panic attack so I threw it away. I also took an extra 20mg of Vyvanse on top of my 40mg which didn't help with the panic.

I'm trying to take my meds as prescribed. So far it's going good. I smoked some weed today because I think that it helps me to allow myself to do things like read - Not enough to get high but instead just relaxed.

Do you have a script for weed? I do but havent figured out how it works.

Nitrous · Sep 23, 2020 at 08:55 AM

Started taking phentermine (prescription) for weight loss. So far i feel pretty good, just a little anxious about the addiction potential.

MuddyBoots · Sep 24, 2020 at 10:22 AM

Freaking out. ****ing cravings. Don't have anything in the house so that's a plus. Should've gone to the aftercare group for the program I did recently yesterday. It's Wednesdays only.
One moment at a time...

Desoxyn · Sep 25, 2020 at 05:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sarahsweets

Do you have a script for weed? I do but havent figured out how it works.

It's legal here. There's like 3 stores in town.

I realized that weed allows me to relax physically to sit down and read but it makes me read 5x slower. Vyvanse allows me to read without zoning out and daydreaming and having to reread lines of text every couple of seconds 5x less than without it.

I'm just taking my meds as prescribed now and doing what I can.

MuddyBoots · Sep 26, 2020 at 11:46 AM

Relapsed yesterday after 42 days clean from oxy (though I have drank/done other stuff). Honestly just here again because I'm trying to not die while I come up with stuff to do. In the mood to die today for some reason. Kinda there every day, but more so ready to take action today. Think I'll go do some dishes and go for a walk, maybe apply for a new job.

Nitrous · Sep 26, 2020 at 12:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sapien

Relapsed yesterday after 42 days clean from oxy (though I have drank/done other stuff). Honestly just here again because I'm trying to not die while I come up with stuff to do. In the mood to die today for some reason. Kinda there every day, but more so ready to take action today. Think I'll go do some dishes and go for a walk, maybe apply for a new job.

Sorry to hear that sapien. I hope you can find some light today instead of feeling so bad. Just keep going one day at a time.

Nitrous · Sep 26, 2020 at 12:03 PM

I took the wrong meds yesterday and now have an extra pill. I'm tempted to take 2 sometime to see if it will get me high.

Desoxyn · Sep 26, 2020 at 10:09 PM

Craving..

Idk what I'm craving. Anything that will stop me from feeling alone and depressed.

I have ketamine but I'm afraid that it will give me depersonalization or derealization.

I smoked a little weed today. I feel like crap.

MuddyBoots · Sep 27, 2020 at 07:52 AM

Going on a little rant here, don't mind me.

I ****ing hate having dreams about drinking or using because then it's the first thing on my mind when I wake up and it's all I think about and I obsess. Tried making another mood chart in excel, listened to music, ate breakfast, took my meds, and not even an hour later and I'm still ****ing going crazy. I'm not even "done" I just don't want to use all my supply in a weekend. So yeah, if I could stop dreaming about sticking a needle in my veins or walking around in a liquor store that'd be great.

MuddyBoots · Sep 28, 2020 at 07:20 AM

I think I'm done.

Nitrous · Sep 28, 2020 at 09:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sapien

I think I'm done.

Hugs and positive thoughts

MuddyBoots · Oct 01, 2020 at 07:59 AM

I keep saying "it's the last time" but it never is...
At this point I don't even want to try because I'm sick of failing.

Desoxyn · Oct 03, 2020 at 08:05 PM

I know it seems weird for me to say this but.. I was prescribed Dexedrine - I have other controlled meds and I haven't abused them.. But I'm craving..

Craving something else.. I don't know what..

I ran out of Ashwagandha. It's not supposed to be addictive but I crave it.. For stress..

Desoxyn · Oct 03, 2020 at 08:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Desoxyn

I know it seems weird for me to say this but.. I was prescribed Dexedrine - I have other controlled meds and I haven't abused them.. But I'm craving..

Craving something else.. I don't know what..

I ran out of Ashwagandha. It's not supposed to be addictive but I crave it.. For stress..

I suppose I'm addicted to a placebo idk

Better than how I used to be..

splitimage · Oct 06, 2020 at 06:30 AM

My addictions Dr. finally called me, after unexpectedly taking a month off, I have no reason why. So I've booked an appointment with her in a couple of weeks. And she's planning on starting zoom meetings for some of her clients. Depending on when they are, I may try to get onto one.

I'm really glad that she's back at work.

splitimage

MuddyBoots · Oct 06, 2020 at 02:00 PM

NOTHING is working to get me through this craving. going on a walk, screaming, drawing, reading, playing with my cat, listening to music/singing/playing piano, I know it's all passing the time while this ****er passes, but I wish something would MAKE THIS FEELING GO AWAY FOR ****S SAKE. Why did I do this to myself?

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Daily Check In #4

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Bill3 Legendary Member Since Mar 2009 Location: USA Posts: 10,924 15 24.1k hugs given	Sep 17, 2020 at 12:10 PM #161 Congratulations splitimage!!
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MuddyBoots Monster on the Hill Member Since Sep 2020 Location: by the river Posts: 4,093 (SuperPoster!) 3 4,819 hugs given	Sep 19, 2020 at 11:43 AM #162 1 day sober...or maybe two I don't really remember. This was after two weeks so I'm thinking I can go for longer, but I'm also thinking why bother?
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Nitrous Member Member Since Nov 2008 Posts: 62 15	Sep 23, 2020 at 08:55 AM #166 Started taking phentermine (prescription) for weight loss. So far i feel pretty good, just a little anxious about the addiction potential.
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MuddyBoots Monster on the Hill Member Since Sep 2020 Location: by the river Posts: 4,093 (SuperPoster!) 3 4,819 hugs given	Sep 24, 2020 at 10:22 AM #167 Freaking out. ****ing cravings. Don't have anything in the house so that's a plus. Should've gone to the aftercare group for the program I did recently yesterday. It's Wednesdays only. One moment at a time...
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MuddyBoots Monster on the Hill Member Since Sep 2020 Location: by the river Posts: 4,093 (SuperPoster!) 3 4,819 hugs given	Sep 26, 2020 at 11:46 AM #169 Relapsed yesterday after 42 days clean from oxy (though I have drank/done other stuff). Honestly just here again because I'm trying to not die while I come up with stuff to do. In the mood to die today for some reason. Kinda there every day, but more so ready to take action today. Think I'll go do some dishes and go for a walk, maybe apply for a new job.
	Reply With Quote

Nitrous Member Member Since Nov 2008 Posts: 62 15	Sep 26, 2020 at 12:03 PM #171 I took the wrong meds yesterday and now have an extra pill. I'm tempted to take 2 sometime to see if it will get me high.
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Desoxyn Metaphysic Member Since Aug 2016 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 12,978 (SuperPoster!) 7 4,907 hugs given	Sep 26, 2020 at 10:09 PM #172 Craving.. Idk what I'm craving. Anything that will stop me from feeling alone and depressed. I have ketamine but I'm afraid that it will give me depersonalization or derealization. I smoked a little weed today. I feel like crap.
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MuddyBoots Monster on the Hill Member Since Sep 2020 Location: by the river Posts: 4,093 (SuperPoster!) 3 4,819 hugs given	Sep 28, 2020 at 07:20 AM #174 I think I'm done.
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MuddyBoots Monster on the Hill Member Since Sep 2020 Location: by the river Posts: 4,093 (SuperPoster!) 3 4,819 hugs given	Oct 01, 2020 at 07:59 AM #176 I keep saying "it's the last time" but it never is... At this point I don't even want to try because I'm sick of failing.
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Desoxyn Metaphysic Member Since Aug 2016 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 12,978 (SuperPoster!) 7 4,907 hugs given	Oct 03, 2020 at 08:05 PM #177 I know it seems weird for me to say this but.. I was prescribed Dexedrine - I have other controlled meds and I haven't abused them.. But I'm craving.. Craving something else.. I don't know what.. I ran out of Ashwagandha. It's not supposed to be addictive but I crave it.. For stress..
	Reply With Quote

MuddyBoots Monster on the Hill Member Since Sep 2020 Location: by the river Posts: 4,093 (SuperPoster!) 3 4,819 hugs given	Oct 06, 2020 at 02:00 PM #180 NOTHING is working to get me through this craving. going on a walk, screaming, drawing, reading, playing with my cat, listening to music/singing/playing piano, I know it's all passing the time while this **er passes, but I wish something would MAKE THIS FEELING GO AWAY FOR **S SAKE. Why did I do this to myself?
	Reply With Quote