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Rose76
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Arrow Apr 12, 2020 at 03:57 AM
  #1
I don't have a ton of experience with substance abuse, but I do know how the way you feel can seem so awful that you'ld take just about anything that could change how you feel.

I was in that state last evening. So I took some stuff, and it did change how I felt.

When I was young, I tried alcohol. I got sick a lot from it, so that kept me from getting too deeply into it. Now I'm mildly dependent on hydrocodone at a pretty low level - like 10 to 15 mg 2 to 4 times a day. I take it for pain. so I can physically keep up with what I have to get done daily. But is helps depression somewhat.

Last evening I got so depressed that I wished I was out of this world. I'm not into self-harming, so I was racking my brain wishing for relief. I decided to give chemistry a chance. I took hydrocodone 15 mg and Ritalin 40 mg and Baclofen 20 mg and 2 Margaritas combined. What an improvement in my mental state when the combo kicked in! Of course, mixing stuff like that is supposed to be wrong. All I felt was grateful.

I'm not looking to get deeper into drug abuse, but I think I see how it happens to people. You can have an emotional storm go on that gets way out of control . . . and beyond what you can manage. Doctors don't always get how desperate for relief this can make a person.

I'ld rather have some more constructive way of handling the situation. "Use your coping skills," I've been told. I just don't believe that the persons who give out that advice realize what a full-blast emotional storm is like.

I wonder how much substance misuse
is generated by that kind of mental crisis. Sometimes, it's not a quest for euphoria, so much as a scramble to get out of Hades.

I feel glad something worked.
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Default Apr 12, 2020 at 04:45 PM
  #2
Yes, what you described is often what creates drug dependencies. I am sorry you were feeling so overwhelmed like that, sadly I know what that is like. I was put on Klonopin for that, and I mostly just used it at night so I could sleep. I had to function during the day handling horses and ponies and I had to be totally aware to do that.

If I get triggered, which is why I simply have to stay away from my sister, I can't even function and have pain down my arms in my back and across my chest that totally incapacitates me. If I take a Klonopin and lay down it eases up. I was told that Klonopin was not addictive by a psychiatrist years ago, I did not want anything addictive. Well he was wrong about that and I weaned myself off and yet I make sure I have it on hand for when I get so many days in a row I am in too much pain and I need a break, the Klonopin helps with that. I try very hard not to use them though.

Don't do all those drugs, not good for you and you do know that but you just got so bad you did not care I get that. Maybe it's time to make an appointment with a pdoc that can prescribe something to help you at times like this so you can get some relief. Or there may be an antidepressant that can help you with this. I heard someone say that cymbalta has been a game changer for them.

I know for myself just this past year alone has been hell for me with how horrific things with both my parent's passings. You have been having quite an emotional challenge and mostly alone with your SO for a while now. And you know the end is nearing, much emotional turmoil with that challenge, not surprising you are struggling. I was already struggling with ptsd and I was extremely concerned my condition would get even worse. Remember, you can develop ptsd from all that you have been going through Rose. So, I think it would help you to find an actual medication that can help you handle what you are clearly overwhelmed with facing.

Have you ever tried Klonopin? That may be something your regular GP can prescribe for you if you let him know what you are experiencing right now.
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Default Apr 13, 2020 at 11:56 PM
  #3
Yeah, I hear ya, and it is the road to nowhere. My whole addiction phase began because my depression was not being adequately treated. That pissed me off, so I took it into my own hands. Enough said.

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Attention Apr 23, 2020 at 09:36 AM
  #4
Rose, first of all, you are loved. Some people think that’s corny, and it makes others angry, but it’s true.

Second of all, your post came at the perfect time to help someone else-me. I’m a recovering alcoholic (since 2003) but I was put on hydro for pain three years ago. I was up to 60 mg/day, but my doc dropped me back to 40/day a year ago. My wife keeps my hydro in a locked med box, so it’s hard for me to go over dosage- but not impossible.

Anyway I tried to go cold turkey last Friday, but I couldn’t maintain last night, either. I got my wife to give me “just one,” and this morning I am feeling lousy. You say you have “mild dependency” but it will get on top of you sooner or later. Eventually only more (or a mix like you took last night) and eventually more isn’t enough.

I’m not trying to preach, and I need to tell you that reading your message did help me. I always do better when I’m reaching out to support others, and our similar experiences last night really motivated me to respond. And since just before I logged on this morning I got my wife to give me that one, being able to reach out to someone right away means the world to me.

You really are loved. If you don’t feel you are, just be present with the idea. I wish you all good things.

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Default Apr 25, 2020 at 06:19 AM
  #5
Thank you, Mountainbard, for the kind words. I'm glad my post helped you. We just have to do what we can to stay sane.
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Default Apr 25, 2020 at 07:10 AM
  #6
Rose- I totally want to validate you. My addiction issues lie with alcohol but I know the pain of needing a little something to yank you out of pain. For me that was withdrawal and life circumstances. I have been sober since 2012. I too have a small script for pain medicine. Only 1 5mg a day allowed. I barely take it. Does your state have medical MJ? I just got my card and have been twice to a dispensary. I am still learning what works for me but it has helped with pain a lot. I hate inhaling it with a pipe or vape. My husband helped me to hand roll one (my first time ever) and that seemed to be less harsh. Today I am hoping he will help me make cannibutter so I can bake something. Edibles are stronger and take awhile to kick in but they last for a long time and no coughing! In NJ they added more conditons to qualify for it. They added opiate use disorder which is for people that need to come off of opiates but still suffer from pain.

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Default May 01, 2020 at 07:36 PM
  #7
I have not had "drinks" more than 3 in a single day for 6 years. This quarantee has been getting to me. I tried to describe things to my doc about anxiety, and muscoskeletal pain. Because of this quarantee I have not seen my chiropractor and my doc things my pain is from not being adjusted. I have anxiety at times, and complete boredom. In the last week I have had urges to take pills. and or drink. I went to alcohol last week. I had only one drink per night for 4 nights, then 2 nights taking 1 drink and then a night drinking 2, today I am drinking one bigger drink and have 2 more. I daydream of smoking pot, and have not done that since I was in my 30's. I feel somewhat ashamed as i have also been grieving my childhood in therapy and my T had told me last week no drinking or self harm. I can't help it. I am so damn bored and lonely. I have 2 kids. 19 and 12 but 12 year old is with his dad over weekends. I want something for the muscoskeletonal pain but not sure my doc is willing to do considering I asked for Ativan and she basically said no.
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Rose76
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Default May 03, 2020 at 01:00 AM
  #8
Looks like I missed some posts. My thanks to the posters.

Hi Sarah. I've never been a smoker, so MJ doesn't appeal to me. Edibles might be more to my taste. Medical MJ is legal in my state. I see shops all over town.

Hi just2b. Sounds like you need something. Hospice gave me a bunch of Ativan for my bf (60 tabs.) I'm thinking of trying it. I better not. I get pee-tested because I get hydrocodone. I'lm be in trouble if I come up positive for benzos.

My r. arm is awful sore. Indocin is great! But I seem to get a bunch of CNS side effects from it. So I take it sporadically.
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