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smilenowcrylater
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Member Since: May 2020
Location: Florida
Posts: 2
3 yr Member
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Default May 12, 2020 at 10:55 AM
  #1
About a week ago, my best friend ran away from home to be with some 18 year old boy she met on tinder. She didn’t tell any of her family or friends, she didn’t even bring clothes or anything at all with her. So I thought that she was kidnapped or in human trafficking and I cried every single because I blamed myself. A couple days before she ran away my mom said I should invite her over to our house to sleepover if things at her house aren’t good bc she didn’t really have a good home life. But I told my mom how she moved back in with her parents and how they said they were gonna change for her and how everything was fine. But If I had just invited her over to sleepover she wouldn’t have ran away. I remember last week on Monday I started thinking abt her bc our mutual friend said he thinks she killed herself, so at abt 6am and I just started bawling uncontrollably. I couldn’t stop and by 8am I was nauseous and disgusted with myself and with life. I was so mad at the fact that I wasn’t able to control my emotions, I was able to get myself to stop crying for like 3 seconds at a time but then it would just come back worse. At 8:30am I did a coward move bc I honestly felt like I was being tortured, like I was gonna die bc I was crying so hard so I took NyQuil at 8:30am and blasted happy music in my ears until I fell asleep. At the time I believed I would rather sleep or drug myself than feel the way I did. And then I woke up at abt 3pm to my best friend texting me she’s back and how the police picked her up at 5am that morning and how she was fine. And I was so happy she was ok but I’ve still just been in this dark state. Like I thought I just needed her to comeback for me to feel better again but even after she was found I was still just melancholic. And idk what to do to get out of. I don’t want to do anything. How do I fight the urge to not take drugs and deal with reality?
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