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#1
I'm trying this sobriety thing, but it's hard. However, I have trouble using any form of the word "addict" in reference to myself because I simply do not believe I have any sort of addiction and not every single person who uses drugs/alcohol has an addiction.
When did you realize your problem was an addiction? |
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bpcyclist, WovenGalaxy
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bpcyclist, shovelhead
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#2
The last few months, I have not wanted to say I have an addiction. Instead I say it's an affliction. But the truth is my life is broken and I seek improvement. I seek not to run and hide behind what "helps". But have better coping skills that help longer.
I was told of the word addiction in 2015, and I started to go to recovery meetings. Thinking that just going was enough. Today, I know that I have to do the work in all areas of life. Honestly, addiction is a label, and so is recovery. But the difference involves how negative one is, and the other can change lives. But that's from the world of puzzclar. |
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bpcyclist, WovenGalaxy
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bpcyclist, WovenGalaxy
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#3
For me the moment of realization that I had a problem, was when I started having physical withdrawal symptoms if I didn't drink - sweats, shaking. Wish I could say I'd stopped when I first really realized it, but didn't and drank for a few more years.
To me, it's not important that I label myself an alcoholic. I think of myself as someone living in recovery. Alcoholic/Addict isn't even used as a medical term anymore, it's Subustance Use Disorder with a sliding scale from moderate to severe. I think the real question to ask, is alcohol or any other substance causing problems in my life, or is it something I want to change. When you ask and answer that question you can assess what if any help you need in reaching your goals. splitimage |
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WovenGalaxy
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WovenGalaxy
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#4
TRIGGER WARNING--S DISCUSSION
To me, the words one uses don't really matter. The process is what is important. I knew I had a major neurobiologic problem related to a presscription medication I had been taking when I began to feel pretty much the worst I had ever felt before in my life after I finished the second refill. I was withdrawing, of course, but did not realize that at the time. One of the defining characteristics of addiction/dependence/whatever word you are cool with is that the person who continues to use virtually always lacks insight into the fact that there is actually and in fact, a problem. In that respect, it is much like the state of being manic, where the person who believes she is Jesus or owns amazon cannot be reasoned with. No amount of talk or words from anyone will reach them. Ever. They have zero insight. That part of the brain is actually just not functional. This insight problem is critical to the progression of the seriousness of addiction/whatever word you like to term it. This is a huge part of why alcoholism and addictions are often fatal if untreated. The illness or disease or condition or whatever word you choose gets worse and worse and more serious and dangerous, but the sufferer still cannot see clearly that he or she is in danger. That this all represents a major, major life threat. Everyone else can see it, but not the patient. This denial causes disease progression anabated. I, myself, also have badass bipolr 1, so, my tale is a tad different. But, clearly, my addiction also contributed mightily to my losing a big career, couple of successful companies, wife, child, license, 99% of all friends and family, and very, very, very nearly--my life, itself. Really, truly, I was saved by a direct miracle from God. Long story, but there is no question on the matter. So, I should be in the ground, as of June, 2007. But He had other plans for me, for some odd reason I do not comprehend. Basically, as I was about to jump into the river from on high, a gigantic holographic image of my beautiful 5 year-old little boy appeared out over the water, floating in space. He was smiling sweetly at me. I somehow received the message, stepped down, and asked some kind strangers to dail 911. Like I said, miracle. Even I understood that one. Doesn't really require a genius... Just found out a dear friend who had relapsed and stopped calling me back died of his alcoholism. He was world-famous, wealthy, drop-dead handsome, kind and sweet, hilariously funny and urbane, and a professor at Harvard. It is not possible to have more eartlhy gifts than this wondrous man possessed. Dead at 51. It is a fatal illness if not treated. If you surmise you may have an issue, you likely do. That is a little bit of insight. You are quite fortunate. I urge you to follow it with expert help wherever it leads you. I finally did and I have been sober for 12 years now. Totally doable. Don't get hung up on words. either you have an issue, or you don't. But I will tell you that most people who do not have a substance issue never, ever, ever, ever wonder if they have a substance issue. Good luck and hugs!!!!!!!!! __________________ When I was a kid, my parents moved a lot, but I always found them--Rodney Dangerfield |
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shovelhead, Train of Thought
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#5
Yeah, I realized I had a problem with substance abuse after I realized that I feel so much better when I'm not using alcohol. I mainly don't drink to stave off depression. But that's as good of a reason as any. Know what I mean? Like there are no bad reasons not to drink. I got caught up for a while as to whether I had an addiction or not, but really, that just led to more suffering for me. Anyway, I hope what I said helps and also, there's plenty of support you can get for these kinds of issues.
__________________ "Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it!” |
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bpcyclist, KBMK, WovenGalaxy
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bpcyclist
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#6
Hey @spikes does the substance you use cause problems in your life?
__________________ "I carried a watermelon?" President of the no F's given society. |
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bpcyclist
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bpcyclist
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#7
When I realized I had an addiction was first experiencing blackouts from drinking alcohol. I'd wake up with bruises on my face. A couple times, I had a black eye. I would have to cover this up with makeup & go to work.
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bpcyclist, KBMK, WovenGalaxy
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bpcyclist
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#8
Yeah, I have a problem. My therapist keeps urging me to go to a 12 step meeting. The other day I was afraid I overdosed on oxy (was fine). Those aren't things that happen to someone who doesn't have a problem.
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bpcyclist, WovenGalaxy
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bpcyclist
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#9
Hey spikes. I've been sober for 20 yrs. It's still hard at times for me watching people drink. I didn't realize I had a problem till years into my sobriety. Go figure.....
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bpcyclist, KBMK, WovenGalaxy
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bpcyclist, shovelhead
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#10
Hugs, spikes!
__________________ When I was a kid, my parents moved a lot, but I always found them--Rodney Dangerfield |
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#11
Quote:
Hey, I'm trying for sobriety too. For me it goes hand in hand with sanity. I realised that I had to change something when I was in hospital on a drip having seizures because of substance abuse...I was 21 and had a job I liked, my own place, and a boyfriend (later my husband, now ex) who had let me be part of his family, and his sons life. I thought I was going to loose all that, and I made a promise to stop doing drugs, but I didn't realise I was addicted, and didn't realise all the other addictions and compulsions that were out of control. I've listened to and read stuff about addiction and sobriety for years, not really knowing why. I know from horribly sh***y situations...without going into detail, that certain compulsive behaviours have brought a lot of pain and upset, not just to myself, and I have started making apologies. I've started on 12 steps for overeaters. Binge eating has always sort of...filled the gaps 😬 addiction-wise. I think it's only the last few weeks that I've realised how out of control I am, looking for something to pacify, and it's been hard surrendering that control, and going without. I've slipped up a couple of times with food and alcohol, but haven't beaten myself up, just gone back to planning meals ahead and not letting compulsion take over. I'm out of control with alcohol too. I know that once I surrender to my own impulse it ends badly, and I know that I can't take control of ever impulse, so I have to surrender to HP (my understanding of a higher power), and self reflect, and make peace any way I can... I realised gradually to answer the question...I was completely exhausted trying to control and slipping up. If you don't feel you are addicted, then would sobriety really be so hard? I think it takes a lot of reflection to understand why we do these things that hurt us, and it's even harder if people around us encourage it. There must be a good reason why you're trying for sobriety, and I really hope you get the support you need to make a success of it! It is reaaaalllllly hard! I really recommend Chip Dodd's the Voice of the Heart, and the Positive Sobriety Podcast |
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shovelhead
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#12
Another thing I noticed I had an addiction... Was I noticed my higher tolerance, all of a sudden. I needed more alcohol to get drunk. Then I started buying larger. Like a 6 pack of beer won't get me drunk I need a 12 pack. But it progressed on from there, to large bottles of booze that lasted me 2 days.
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