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Old 03-01-2019, 11:36 AM #1
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Default Adult child of alcoholic - new here

Im the 44 yr old child of an alcoholic - my father has been drinking my whole life and I carry all the associated baggage from years he always turned aggressive.

Christmas 2015 he went of the rails in spectacular style infront of my husband(he's never seen my father like that before) who he threatened and whilst my children were upstairs sleeping in my parents house. The subesequent bender was off the scales it was horrific even for him, my mother fled, I got lots of nasty voicemails from him, but she went back and after pressure from her I forgave him, he went sober and now has relapsed again hiding his drnking. I just feel I've reached a point where I cannot take anymore. I got the dreaded phonecall from my mother terrified again. Here I am back to square one.

I feel that everyone should have the chance to relapse and get back on the waggon but for me I cannot take anymore - Im sick to death of this endless cycle which is why I am here. I just cannot take anymore I just can't - after everything he put me through that Christmas in terms of the emotional distress and regression for me, my mother, my husband who now wants nothing to do with him and has only recently allowed him to come to our house and see my children. I cannot be back in this endless loop of crap. I feel desolate. Is this all normal?
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Old 03-01-2019, 06:10 PM #2
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Default Re: Adult child of alcoholic - new here

Hi mariajones00,

First, may I welcome you to Psych Central... It is good to have you here... If you could post an introduction in the Newcomer thread.

I can relate to your story. Be Safe...

Raven
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Old 03-02-2019, 01:10 PM #3
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Default Re: Adult child of alcoholic - new here

I'm so sorry you're hurting so much, mariajones00 I'm so sorry you're going through all of this. You don't deserve it at all. I'd suggest to just cut off contacts with him if you can. You've already gave him several chances before after all. It's not up to you to "heal" him. You need to take care of yourself and your family. I'd suggest to cut off contacts with him at least until he gets better. If he starts showing real signs of improvement, you can always allow him back in your life. But I don't think it's fair that you should go through all of this as an adult as well. Perhaps you can help your mother get away from him as well. She must be in real pain as well. But like I've said, it's your decision. I hope she'll accept your help if you do decide to help her out. She doesn't deserve to get through all of this as well. Just try to stay away from your father until he starts getting treatment for it, like going to therapy or to support groups. That's all you can do. He's the one that has to put the hard work into it. It's not your fault. I'm so sorry, I know it's hard. Please don't give up. I hope things will get better soon for you and your family. Remember that we're here for you if you need it. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. I'm so sorry you have to deal with all of this
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Old 03-03-2019, 06:24 PM #4
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Default Re: Adult child of alcoholic - new here

Hi mariajones00, welcome to PC. I think you would greatly benefit from attending an ALCOA meeting near you. This is actually a problem many adult children of alcoholics struggle with. Of course you have reached your limit dealing with this challenge and your mother should reach out for help as well and see if she can find an alanon group near her so at least she has a supportive outlet as well.

It's definitely a terrible disease that affects the entire family. It's especially difficult when dealing with "mean drunks", lets face it, it's scary.

It's understandable that you want your father to get better, however, at the same time when he falls off the wagon it's going to once again affect both you and your mother badly which is why you deserve support where you can sit with others that understand the challenge, also both you and your mother may need therapy as well.

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Old 04-14-2019, 08:27 AM #5
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Default Re: Adult child of alcoholic - new here

Quote:
Originally Posted by mariajones00 View Post
Im the 44 yr old child of an alcoholic - my father has been drinking my whole life and I carry all the associated baggage from years he always turned aggressive.

Christmas 2015 he went of the rails in spectacular style infront of my husband(he's never seen my father like that before) who he threatened and whilst my children were upstairs sleeping in my parents house. The subesequent bender was off the scales it was horrific even for him, my mother fled, I got lots of nasty voicemails from him, but she went back and after pressure from her I forgave him, he went sober and now has relapsed again hiding his drnking. I just feel I've reached a point where I cannot take anymore. I got the dreaded phonecall from my mother terrified again. Here I am back to square one.

I feel that everyone should have the chance to relapse and get back on the waggon but for me I cannot take anymore - Im sick to death of this endless cycle which is why I am here. I just cannot take anymore I just can't - after everything he put me through that Christmas in terms of the emotional distress and regression for me, my mother, my husband who now wants nothing to do with him and has only recently allowed him to come to our house and see my children. I cannot be back in this endless loop of crap. I feel desolate. Is this all normal?
I understand what your going through. I moved away from my hometown to get away from it. No one would want to be around my dad at family functions, he would go on binges out of town, use bill money to drink, etc. I am starting therapy and I am going to attend that meeting
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Old 04-25-2019, 06:38 AM #6
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Default Re: Adult child of alcoholic - new here

Alcoholics, now known as alcohol use disorder, is a condition in which a person has a desire or physical need to consume alcohol, even though it has a negative impact on their life.
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