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Metaphysic
Member Since Aug 2016
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 12,986
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#21
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bizi
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bizi
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Bizi is bizi
Member Since Nov 2005
Location: cajun country
Posts: 10,849
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#22
You are doing the best that you can under these circumstances.
(((((HUGS)))))) bizi __________________ 150mg of lamictal 2x a day haldol 5mg 2x a day 1mg of cogentin 2x a day klonipin , 1mg at night, 4-5 peri-colace for chronic constipation multi vit,, vit c, at noon, tumeric, caffeine at noon PRN Remeron 15mg at night, zyprexa10mg under tongue, requip2mg. |
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Metaphysic
Member Since Aug 2016
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 12,986
(SuperPoster!)
7 4,912 hugs
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#23
I don't like my moms new bf. My mom is basically starving herself so she can be really skinny and drinking too much alcohol.
She's almost 60 and is becoming a narcissist and wanting to look young and defy aging or fight the natural life fact that we get old. She can't do this because she has severe heart conditions. Last week my sister had to drive home and get her beta blocker because she was feeling dizzy from staying up until 5am, drinking, walking too far when I said to turn back - She doesn't listen. To be fair she has cancer although she just wants me to remember her as a complete mess because idk if she'll make it to 60. I need to get out of here and make a life for myself sooner than I thought. I can't tell my dad because he makes her upset by not wanting to give her money. My sister is going to go to university - Good for her. I wish I didn't have to walk out of class and tell the principal that I wanted to walk in front of a truck. I'm sitting her listening to depressing music while she talks to a man - Who I was going to without a doubt, knock out if he walked out the door while I was in psychosis - But he didn't. He stayed inside. My doctor says that I should relax with the meds and that he let me be in control and has known me for over 2 years. I don't like that attitude. I'm going to make an appointment with my psychiatrist. So far I'm almost on the right meds - Thanks to my intuition and insight. I fear that stimulant abuse recked my heart because if I stay up for 24 hours, it beats fast and I need sleep for it to function properly. I don't know how long I'll live either. I want to call my therapist tomorrow and make a time to talk to her when my mom isn't here. Whenever I want to talk to my therapist, I have nothing to say. Usually when I have a lot of thoughts, it's at night. I'm not going hiking with my mom tomorrow. I can't be around her girlfriends making the weirdest sexual comments around me and reckless drinking and prescription pill use etc.. Like that woman always doing cocaine in my bathroom next to my room. This is just a fling of life and the mountains and scenery don't look so great to me when I've been a victim of neglect and mind control for her immigrant bf (Who I had to call "Step dad") wins the lottery and leaves after he gets his Canadian citizenship. I'm going to see if I can get an apartment, work part time, go to school and have good friends (That aren't influencing drug dealers, psychopathic pedos, crack heads, etc - Like in the hospital) and live a normal life - Able to research on the computer in a quiet room and exercise physically and my mind, etc. I need to really learn to stick to these goals, set my boundaries, stand up for myself, learn to say no and be assertive - Which is harder than it sounds for me. |
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New Member
Member Since Jun 2020
Location: Akron
Posts: 3
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#24
Im So sorry you feel this way. I think its important for you to find a safe place to clear your thoughts
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Desoxyn
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Metaphysic
Member Since Aug 2016
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 12,986
(SuperPoster!)
7 4,912 hugs
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#25
She's drunk again. I specifically told her to not drink too much that I have to take care of her.
I closed my door and now I'm in my room. I can't go anywhere else in the house because of her toxicity. |
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Metaphysic
Member Since Aug 2016
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 12,986
(SuperPoster!)
7 4,912 hugs
given |
#26
My moms new bf used her. He's not texting her back. I told her that he was using her and he's an asshole/sociopath but she didn't listen. So she got drunk and a new guy came over and she's just self sabotaging herself.
I facetimed my dad and told him about all of this and that it's not good for my mental health to be dealing with this - I'm trying to focus on my life but can't focus when I can't even leave my room. I'm talking to my therapist on the phone tomorrow and I'm going to tell her about me moving out somewhere - But yeah... My mom has control over me. I feel like a teenager - Still dealing with the bs that went on years ago. My mental health is not good. I've been trying to keep it together and if I lose it, go a little psychotic.. I'm back to the psych ward because it's not normal for me to everyone else. I inquired to order the metabolite of tramadol make it like old times right? Be zoned out from the trauma and not have to deal with it. But I'm going to try and not do that and figure out a new solution. My mom is going to try and sleep. I can't imagine how upset she is. I'm afraid she will die if she keeps this up. She's going to the doctor in the morning so they can cut deeper into her skin to get rid of the skin cancer. My mom called me from her room so I came over and she wanted my sister to come home. She told me to call her in front of her so I did and my sister said that she's not coming home and for my mom to go to bed. I told my mom to go to bed and said "I love you - goodnight" and then she said she needed her water refilled so I came back into her room and then she said "Where is - (My sister)". I straight up told her "Stop pretending" and "I'm not doing this bs anymore. You know exactly what you're doing. You're sick. You need to stop manipulating me". She admitted to it and now feels like crap - So probably will ask for attention again. I'm not good at expressing emotions and she knows it so she manipulates me. I told her that I'm speaking with my therapist in the morning so I can move out because I can't focus when she drinks all the time. The thing is, I know that people try to get away with things and blame it on the alcohol. I've been drunk and on many many mind altering substances and I still have it all together most times. I told her that she's doing it for attention and she admitted it - Because I'm starting to realize that she has been manipulating me and my mental illness this whole time. |
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