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Old 06-28-2019, 08:01 AM   #1
McWowy
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Default Parenting without a clue

Hi, I had a lingering question and hoped maybe someone could offer some advice or insight, suggested reading, or anything.
So, until I was about 10 years old, I was raised by my married parents with 4 siblings. Things weren't perfect but looking back, I have learned that my mother is/was a narcissistic person and basically an awful human being. I just thought she hated me till I was 30.
Long story short, when I was around 10 years old, she was diagnosed with invasive stage 4 breast cancer and was given little time. Fast forward 4 years, she actually beat the cancer but lost her mind completely. She divorced my father and proceeded to drown her sorrows in every kind of bottle and method possible. She became increasingly abusive, and I found myself the loathsome black sheep of the family.
Fast forward many more years, and I haven't had contact with most of my family for at least 3 years.
It may come as no surprise that my first 2 marriages were unsuccessful and now I'm raising 3 little boys on my own.
I'm just hoping for some guidance on how exactly to raise kids when there's no parental role model to work from. My only real goal is not to screw up my kids. Does anyone else struggle with this as well?
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Old 06-29-2019, 01:40 PM   #2
Skeezyks
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Smile Re: Parenting without a clue

Hello McWowy: Thank you for sharing your concern. I'm sorry I'm not really able to be of help with it. However believe this is your first thread here on PC. So I thought I would at least welcome you to Psych Central. Hopefully there will yet be other members who will have insights they can share. One additional forum, here on PC, that may be of interest to you would be the Healthy Parenting forum. Here's a link:

https://psychcentralforums.com/healthy-parenting/

There is a blog, here on PC, titled "Knotted: The Mother-Daughter Relationship" that may be of interest to you. Here's a link:

Knotted: The Mother-Daughter Relationship

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.
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Old 06-30-2019, 06:58 AM   #3
nicoleflynn
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I had an abusive mother and no father around. I determined to never be like my mother. Love your children and give them good boundaries....teach them respect. I think good parenting is common sense.
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Old 07-05-2019, 03:46 PM   #4
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Default Re: Parenting without a clue

Hi! It's great that you are acknowledging your concerns and seeking out help. Would it be possible to find a therapist and get healing for the hurt feelings of yours from the traumatic childhood experience. Letting yourself heal helps to get the hurtfull emotions our of your backpack so that there's more space for joy and peace.
I have no clue where you live and if anything like that is around but to me courses on bonding and supporting emotional needs of children have helped to fill what I've missed out living in a disfunctional family.
Remember that you are a good mother as you care for your children and you wish them better life than you have gone through. Don't judge yourself, you are doing the best you can at the given circumstances. Reach out for help, it will be there.
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