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Old 09-20-2019, 03:26 PM   #1
simplex
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Default Laundry List and Discovering ACOA in ourselves

Hello,

I'm posting "the laundry list" which is a list of possible traits we have as adults dealing with alcoholic parent(s). I remember, when I first saw it, I thought. Wow! What a description of things I always wondered about but never new. This version is from VeryWellMind. If you haven't read Adult Children of Alcoholics, by Janet Geringer I would suggest checking it out. It's older now but I found it eye opening.

Guess at what normal behavior is

Have difficulty following a project through from beginning to end

Lie when it would be just as easy to tell the truth

Judge themselves without mercy

Have difficulty having fun

Take themselves very seriously

Have difficulty with intimate relationships

Overreact to changes over which they have no control

Constantly seek approval and affirmation

Feel that they're different from other people

Are super responsible or super irresponsible

Are extremely loyal, even in the face of evidence that the loyalty is undeserved

Are impulsive—They tend to lock themselves into a course of action without giving serious consideration to alternative behaviors or possible consequences. This impulsively leads to confusion, self-loathing, and loss of control over their environment. In addition, they spend an excessive amount of energy cleaning up the mess.

Some that stand out for me are: Guessing at what normal behavior is, difficulty having fun, and taking myself very seriously. My father passed 6 years ago, and never recovered. Unfortunately I'd begun drinking with him and found myself suffering consequences for alcohol. I have not had a drink for 4 years now and may be a father myself soon. I want to break the cycle so my child doesn't have to endure what I did. For those out there struggling with an alcoholic parent right now, or just addicted parent, you're not alone.
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Old 11-03-2019, 07:48 PM   #2
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Default Re: Laundry List and Discovering ACOA in ourselves

Quote:
Originally Posted by simplex View Post
Hello,

I'm posting "the laundry list" which is a list of possible traits we have as adults dealing with alcoholic parent(s). I remember, when I first saw it, I thought. Wow! What a description of things I always wondered about but never new. This version is from VeryWellMind. If you haven't read Adult Children of Alcoholics, by Janet Geringer I would suggest checking it out. It's older now but I found it eye opening.

Guess at what normal behavior is

Have difficulty following a project through from beginning to end

Lie when it would be just as easy to tell the truth

Judge themselves without mercy

Have difficulty having fun

Take themselves very seriously

Have difficulty with intimate relationships

Overreact to changes over which they have no control

Constantly seek approval and affirmation

Feel that they're different from other people

Are super responsible or super irresponsible

Are extremely loyal, even in the face of evidence that the loyalty is undeserved

Are impulsive—They tend to lock themselves into a course of action without giving serious consideration to alternative behaviors or possible consequences. This impulsively leads to confusion, self-loathing, and loss of control over their environment. In addition, they spend an excessive amount of energy cleaning up the mess.

Some that stand out for me are: Guessing at what normal behavior is, difficulty having fun, and taking myself very seriously. My father passed 6 years ago, and never recovered. Unfortunately I'd begun drinking with him and found myself suffering consequences for alcohol. I have not had a drink for 4 years now and may be a father myself soon. I want to break the cycle so my child doesn't have to endure what I did. For those out there struggling with an alcoholic parent right now, or just addicted parent, you're not alone.
Thank you for this information.
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Old 01-10-2020, 12:21 PM   #3
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Default Re: Laundry List and Discovering ACOA in ourselves

I haven't seen the laundry list in years and seeing it now makes me think I need to find a meeting in my area. Some of these things are no longer problems I have, but I think it's time to revisit all this.
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Old 04-13-2020, 04:33 PM   #4
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Default Re: Laundry List and Discovering ACOA in ourselves

Hello, thank you Simplex for the post, I have to be honest and say it was hard for me to read the laundry list. I haven’t seen it for some time and it’s challenging to see it but also helpful because it’s brings awareness and I thank you for caring to bring that to this community. I also feel it is very brave of you to choose to be a good dad if that is what is coming your way by not drinking. Thanks for saying those with addicted parents aren’t alone. I could use help with dealing with my parents and what they do. Thanks again
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Old 06-05-2020, 04:07 PM   #5
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My dad hasn't lived near me since the mid-90's but this list... I knew it was out there. I just didn't realize how much of it still applies to me! I'm dealing with bipolar disorder and always "felt like an alien"- that it was because of my bipolar that I felt this way but maybe its the ACOA...
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Old 06-16-2020, 09:39 PM   #6
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Default Re: Laundry List and Discovering ACOA in ourselves

This Forum is definitely helping me learn things about myself.
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Old 08-27-2020, 04:31 PM   #7
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Default Re: Laundry List and Discovering ACOA in ourselves

Wow, I had no idea this existed, but I can definitely relate to more than one thing on there. Namely:

Have difficulty following a project through from beginning to end
Judge themselves without mercy
Have difficulty having fun
Take themselves very seriously (kind of)
Have difficulty with intimate relationships
Feel that they're different from other people

Thanks for sharing it!
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Old 11-01-2020, 11:51 PM   #8
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Thank you for sharing this.
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