advertisement
Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
simplex
Member
simplex has no updates.
 
Member Since: Sep 2019
Location: Georgia
Posts: 52
3 yr Member
51 hugs
given
Default Oct 22, 2019 at 03:24 PM
  #1
Hello,

I have noticed that this section is pretty thin as far as posts go. But I know there are many of us out there so I figured I'd add something about where I am.

I am 34 and don't believe I've ever shaken the traumas from my childhood and adolescence. Most of that is my alcoholic father, to an extent, my mother as well who dealt with depression and codependence but I don't blame her.

It saddens me, but I believe I was close to pushing through this back when I was 12. I forced mom to take me to therapy but didn't know how to talk to the therapist. After two sessions I told him I was fine, just getting older. I was also close at 21. I was shown therapy again and couldn't take advantage. I thought it was just a recent breakup and I'd be ok.

I moved to change schools, and began drinking with my father in his bar fly lifestyle. It was a means of escape, but, some of it was, a can't beat 'em join 'em attitude. I used to wonder why my father could never stop. Then I began having my own struggles with it and could understand. In some ways, understanding addiction helped me understand my father. But what I found was just that he was an awful person below it too.

One of the things that jumps out for me is the constant tension I have in my life. No matter what is going on. There is this latent, seething, tension. I connect it back now to never knowing what was going to happen at home. I lived like this for years and years until I was removed from it. But then they got back together shortly after and it began again. Attached to this tension, is fear and then codependence for me. Also, and this has been the hardest to see within myself, is the detachment. I am detached even from myself at times and my feelings. I also have trouble identifying feelings I do feel that aren't anger and sadness.

Having put the drink down, and then choosing to do the work on myself, is already paying off but there is lots more to be done. I'm learning to discover peace and joy after 34 years of seeing others with it, but never getting it. I never got it.

I hope you all out there are having the best day that you can today.
simplex is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Buffy01, Cardooney, shelda
 
Thanks for this!
Buffy01, Cardooney

advertisement
shelda
Member
shelda has no updates.
 
Member Since: Apr 2014
Location: Ottawa,Ont
Posts: 50
8 yr Member
104 hugs
given
Default Oct 22, 2019 at 04:01 PM
  #2
I have always felt that people who have addictions are the saddest people there are. The drink takes away the pain and then the problems that make a person lose it amplifies out of control. Wish there was more acceptance for people, who suffer from low self esteem,codependency etc.. . The more we judge the worse it gets. Try and see the love only is all i can think..and realize it is there "demons" they have to deal with. Giving a loving hand usually helps and if that doesn't work the best you can do is release them until they see. ( Hugs)
shelda is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Daughterofgod, simplex
 
Thanks for this!
simplex
Buffy01
Wise Elder
 
Buffy01's Avatar
Buffy01 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Oct 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 9,460 (SuperPoster!)
5 yr Member
9,664 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Nov 02, 2019 at 02:17 PM
  #3
Quote:
Originally Posted by simplex View Post
Hello,

I have noticed that this section is pretty thin as far as posts go. But I know there are many of us out there so I figured I'd add something about where I am.

I am 34 and don't believe I've ever shaken the traumas from my childhood and adolescence. Most of that is my alcoholic father, to an extent, my mother as well who dealt with depression and codependence but I don't blame her.

It saddens me, but I believe I was close to pushing through this back when I was 12. I forced mom to take me to therapy but didn't know how to talk to the therapist. After two sessions I told him I was fine, just getting older. I was also close at 21. I was shown therapy again and couldn't take advantage. I thought it was just a recent breakup and I'd be ok.

I moved to change schools, and began drinking with my father in his bar fly lifestyle. It was a means of escape, but, some of it was, a can't beat 'em join 'em attitude. I used to wonder why my father could never stop. Then I began having my own struggles with it and could understand. In some ways, understanding addiction helped me understand my father. But what I found was just that he was an awful person below it too.

One of the things that jumps out for me is the constant tension I have in my life. No matter what is going on. There is this latent, seething, tension. I connect it back now to never knowing what was going to happen at home. I lived like this for years and years until I was removed from it. But then they got back together shortly after and it began again. Attached to this tension, is fear and then codependence for me. Also, and this has been the hardest to see within myself, is the detachment. I am detached even from myself at times and my feelings. I also have trouble identifying feelings I do feel that aren't anger and sadness.

Having put the drink down, and then choosing to do the work on myself, is already paying off but there is lots more to be done. I'm learning to discover peace and joy after 34 years of seeing others with it, but never getting it. I never got it.

I hope you all out there are having the best day that you can today.
I'm sorry that you are struggling right now.
Buffy01 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
simplex
Cardooney
Member
Cardooney Cousin of the artichoke
 
Member Since: Jan 2019
Location: USA
Posts: 142
5 yr Member
101 hugs
given
Default Nov 08, 2019 at 02:34 AM
  #4
Thank you for sharing, simplex.
I know what you mean about the tension, and I agree it’s a feeling that originates from living with an alcoholic and dysfunctional relationships. Breaking that tension is a process and finding peace and joy is a worthy quest!
You deserve peace and joy, love and compassion. (From others, but most importantly for and from yourself)
Cardooney is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
simplex
All times are GMT -5. The time now is 03:10 AM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.