Predicting what others will say- ACA thing?

Moose72 · Mar 03, 2020 at 05:59 PM

I still do that sometimes. I used to be really bad at it: I'd analyse what a person had said to me and then try to circumvent that by GUESSING what they might say next in order to end the conversation (I guess?). The result was confusion between both of us. One person even pointed this out to me that I was doing that. I'm not sure if this is a bipolar trait (that was before I was diagnosed) or part of being an Adult Child of an Alcoholic. I can see both- with the ACA part being that I would try to predict what my parents/dad would say or do before they did it so I could circumvent yelling or other abuse. At the moment, I think its a little of both. As I said, I wasn't diagnosed as bipolar when I began doing this as a child, but I probably was. Even with another relationship, the guy wanted to break up with me for my ACA tendencies/what were also part of undiagnosed bipolar? OT a bit, but I'm still not sure which is which.

I would have a running commentary in my mind of what they would say next. It was pure conjecture but based on previous experience. I think we all do this to some extent- think we know what someone will say or do before they do. Only in my case, I'd guess in my head and then RESPOND as if they had actually said what I thought. It was confusing and frustrating for them. It was also uncomfortable for me because I'd get confused and frustrated looks from them.

Yaowen · Mar 03, 2020 at 08:53 PM

I wish I had some profound insight into what you describe but sadly I don't.

It must be very difficult for you to deal with this kind of "predicting." I think it would affect me the same as it is affects you if it was happening to me.

Hopefully someone here will have some wisdom to share with you or at least some similar experiences.

I wish you only good things!

unaluna · Mar 03, 2020 at 09:37 PM

I would say its ACA. My mother kept me in line with just a dirty look. It didnt take much. She didnt use a very wide vocabulary with me anyway. Sit down, shut up? Not hard to predict that!

I used to do the other persons half of the conversation a lot too. Even in therapy.

Its a monolog, not a dialog. We do it because a neglectful parent is not speaking to us. So we fill in their part. We make it a habit. Then when we are around normal people, they are like, why dont i get to say my own words?!

Moose72 · Mar 03, 2020 at 11:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by unaluna

I would say its ACA. My mother kept me in line with just a dirty look. It didnt take much. She didnt use a very wide vocabulary with me anyway. Sit down, shut up? Not hard to predict that!

I used to do the other persons half of the conversation a lot too. Even in therapy.

Its a monolog, not a dialog. We do it because a neglectful parent is not speaking to us. So we fill in their part. We make it a habit. Then when we are around normal people, they are like, why dont i get to say my own words?!

Profound! Thanks for this!

Moose72 · Mar 03, 2020 at 11:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Yaowen

I wish I had some profound insight into what you describe but sadly I don't.

It must be very difficult for you to deal with this kind of "predicting." I think it would affect me the same as it is affects you if it was happening to me.

Hopefully someone here will have some wisdom to share with you or at least some similar experiences.

I wish you only good things!

Thank you for the well-wishes.

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Yaowen Grand Magnate Member Since Jan 2020 Location: USA Posts: 3,618 (SuperPoster!) 4 6,475 hugs given	Mar 03, 2020 at 08:53 PM #2 I wish I had some profound insight into what you describe but sadly I don't. It must be very difficult for you to deal with this kind of "predicting." I think it would affect me the same as it is affects you if it was happening to me. Hopefully someone here will have some wisdom to share with you or at least some similar experiences. I wish you only good things!
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