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Letsgetthisbread
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Trig Apr 06, 2020 at 06:54 AM
  #1
Now I don't quite qualify as an adult, but I assure you my issues are still concerning.
My mother has a history of abuse that probably goes way back. She is an alcoholic, anorexic, and a bitter person. She is an asshole. She will never accept that she is wrong. Her ego is her defense. I have my dad and his roommate(Dan) that I live with and we are a happy functional family unit. We might not be the healthiest but we are getting by with what we can. Our state is locked down for a month, so usually Dan and I run errands but it's been only him. My mom has been going out and going over to her friends house to get drunk even though we've told her that she can't just be going around and hanging out with people. We are stocking up on food so that we have to go to the store less. She cooked three things in one day and used 14 eggs and a whole box of butter. This has caused a stir. She is very upset and left, she texts me and we argue for about an hour.

Now there's too much to unpack right now. But basically, my mom will pick fights with us to make an excuse for her to leave and get drunk. She will often rant at us through text, and she uses suicide as a guilt tactic. She has attempted suicide a couple times before. I am very worried that after one of these fights that she might succeed in going through with it. I don't really know how to handle this situation.

Last edited by atisketatasket; Apr 06, 2020 at 09:28 AM.. Reason: Added trigger
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Smile Apr 06, 2020 at 03:36 PM
  #2
Hello Letsgetthisbread: I see this is your first post here on PC. Welcome to Psych Central.

You wrote you don't quite qualify as an adult. So I presume you are a teen? I'm sorry you are in such a difficult situation. Perhaps other PC members will have some suggestions they can offer. However, from my perspective, I doubt there may be anything you can do regarding your mother's drinking & suicide threats. It's really up to your dad to do whatever can be done. But honestly as our host Dr. John Grohol, Psy.D. has written: "Denial is a Powerful Impediment to Treatment". Here's a link to that article from Psych Central's archives:

Denial is a Powerful Impediment to Treatment

From my perspective, the best (& perhaps only) thing you can do may be to do what you can to take care of yourself. Perhaps begin seeing a mental health therapist if you can to work through what you are experiencing. (If you're in school perhaps start by talking with a school counselor if there is one.)

What you are experiencing is something that is likely to follow you well into adulthood in one way or another. And the sooner you begin to address it the better. Here are links to 3 additional articles from PC's archives. The first is on being the adult child of an alcoholic. And the remaining 2 discuss dealing with toxic parents & coping when you're stuck at home with a difficult family member:

You Don't Outgrow the Effects of an Alcoholic Parent | Happily Imperfect

10 Tips for Dealing with your Toxic Parents | Happily Imperfect

How to Cope When You're Stuck at Home with a Difficult Family Member | Happily Imperfect

My best wishes to you. I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

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Default Apr 06, 2020 at 03:59 PM
  #3
You are in a terrible situation. I think because you are maybe just a teen you need to rely more on your Dad? And this Dan seems like a nice guy? It seems you need some kind of buffer between you and your Mom. It isn't right that you are being emotionally abused. It sounds like everyone is being emotionally abused but you especially need protection.

Has your mother ever been IP (inpatient) and received treatment? Has she ever been in rehab? She needs professional help.

One thing I might suggest right now...try to detach from the insanity. She is out-of-control and doing insane things. So you cannot look at this in any logical way. I know she is your mother but still...you really need to protect yourself.

Because your mother is an addict even when not drinking she isn't wholly sane. That's really the story here.

You need to find ways...not to solve your Mom's problem...but to detach from it. Also, have you ever attended Teen Alanon meetings? I think you should get into one of these ASAP...maybe find a group online who are meeting online. YOU MUST TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF FIRST. BREATHE DEEP BREATHS. NOW. TAKE THREE DEEP SLOW BREATHES.

Use deep breathing to ground yourself. Look to the sane adults in your life for physical and emotional protection. Detach. Detach. Detach.

Finally...you can call a Suicide Prevention Hotline...not for yourself...but to talk about your Mom. I encourage you to use this. If you call the national hotline you will be redirected to the nearest hotline to you. You can call 911 and ask to be connected to the Prevention Hotline. These people will give you help as to how to deal with the suicide threats. It is anonymous so remember that...you do not have to give your real name or location. You can refuse to give any information - even your phone number - but they will still talk with you. I strongly urge you to use this free service.

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Default Apr 06, 2020 at 06:48 PM
  #4
Hi Letsgetthisbread, welcome to psych central. I think you may find some alanon meetings going on via video chats. Go online and google alanon. www.flaalanon.org use that as a search which will give you a link for all the alanon meetings in your area. Also there is help@acawso.com

Yes, some alcoholics can be mean and rage rant and I am sorry that you are experiencing that (((caring supportive hugs))).

It's a waste of time to argue with an alcoholic, they DO NOT LISTEN. Yes, and they definitely can act like azzholes and it's everyone elses fault not theirs, their rants can be loud and just awful and abusive too.

It's sad because if she lives with you she is putting you and your father and this friend Dan's very life at risk. Alcoholics don't think about any of that, it's a very selfish disease.
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