[Fairylover]

I know the section about this is closed but can I just say that my Husband many years ago was diagnosed as having a personality disorder, the Psychotherapist told me to get out of the marriage as he would never change !!I tried for many years from the beginning of our marriage to get help with him, never ever having suffered my parents quarreling let alone my Dad smashes things up at a whim.I was in love with my husband then,I learnt things about his childhood from my S.I.L. my Husband never has talked about his childhood only to say it was happy, not true as was told by many relations of his what life they all had.His Mother died when he was 12& his Father was carrying on with his next wife to be when his Mother was dying !I thought that because he has such an unhappy childhood, I would try to help him,nothing ever changed if I said the wrong thing to him he'd smash something what ever he could see, physical violence & mental abuse was the norm to me, he cared not a jot to what other people thought of him,still doesn't, I actually cant help him any more staying first for my children then when he realized that I had enough he'd give me the sorry sweet tail etc fell for it each time...God knows why, he has ruined our lives, all of my children have suffered! What was wrong with me staying..I am sick of trying, he wont accept anything is wrong with him its every one else, me as no one else is here now, but I am out of this marriage at my age I am scared but no one can tell me any more that I should stay but live separately as many have including relations...it does not work, he is controlling me even now, waiting for our house to sell its me that has to keep going out to escape him, NO life this is & I want a life that is peaceful, so know that these people who have this can not change he has never made any effort to get help or when I have tried never does what he is supposed to do. Wish me luck my friends I am going to need it, but know that peace awaits me .

[phoenix7]

First i do wish you lots and lots of luck and hope that you move far away from this man and that you do not tell him where.

My sister stayed in a similar situation for over 26 years - you said why did you stay ...i can only tel you what i saw in her .. she left him heaps of times and came to my place .. he would ring and say how sorry he was and how he would be better - and she would tell me she loved him and go home. I had to accept that it was her choice.

She stayed because she loved him, because he was the father of her children and she thought that being in a broken family was better than a broken home like we came from - she was wrong - she knows that now - but hindsight is a wonderful thing isnt it ..

.- she thought he would change - and then he wore her down and wore her out - she lost her confidence in herself and her ability to cope - he made her think she would not survive wihtout him

she left him for the last time 2 years ago - it has been hard - many times she was tempted to go back - mainly to punish herself for staying so long i think.....JMO - oh and he would ring 14 times a day (no joke) and tell her he loved her and wanted her home ( pardon me while i throw up grrrrr)
and she felt sorry for him so she saw him now and then.. but that only dragged it out.

Now over 2 years downt he track she is finally strong enough to say to him enough is enough - leave me ALONE for good! and its taken 2 years for him to get that message

why am i saying all this - i want you to knwo that although its hard you can do this and yuo deserve a good life and so do your children - they can make good lives for themsleves and not repeat history - as my sisters children have - even though there have been hiccups along the way

by the way my father was the same way...

as to can they get better? - if they want to get help - if they see that they are not functioning well and by that i mean losing what they want ..they can change - they can learn - but if they dont - like your husband, my sisters husband and my father - they see that its all everyone elses fault and they are shining and clean - then there is no help for them or for those around them if they stay near hopig for a change that will never come.

I am so pleased that you are making a move for your happiness and its never too late.

[Fairylover]

Thank you so much for the supportive reply Phoenix7, its helped me to know that I am right & not alone either,This forum talks sense & helps so much.Thank you all.

[phoenix7]

you are welcome and this section isnt closed - just the one thread was - so feel free to post whenever you want to

[Gus1234U]

i know a little whereof you speak, and going backwards is like aiming for the ditch,, admit that the past was a nitemare and wake up ~! better to have nothing, than to fight with a sociopath, it's not about the money, or anything but the dominance,,, best wishes,,, gus