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FluffyCat15
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Default May 03, 2019 at 03:21 AM
  #1
Hello,

I don't even know how I started thinking about this, but since today's morning, I cannot get my mind off of thinking about the possibility of me being a sociopath.

I read the traits and symptoms of people with ASPD and I cannot clearly decide if it is my case or not. I started thinking about my behavior and I realized I lie a lot. I make-up stuff about my past (all my current friends think I've played soccer for 8 years, but it's not true, I just like soccer and I'm kinda good at it, however I never actually participated in any professional training). I think that this might have been a tool to boost my previously low self-esteem, though. Sometimes some funny made-up situation will pop up in my mind and I share it with people - but I don't say it was just an idea of a situation, but I lie and tell them I was actually in the situation. In this case, it doesn't make me look better, I honestly don't know why I do it. I often lie to avoid punishment or consequences, but I wouldn't say I do it to hurt people. I have no interest in hurting other people, however I cannot say I never took advantage of someone else's bad luck for my own personal profit.

I also read that some sociopaths can love their family, however they do not feel longing for them when not seeing them for a longer time. This is true for me - I love my family, I definitely do. Seeing my mom cry, or the thought of it makes me sad. However, I live in a different country than she does and I rarely feel the need to contact her. I enjoy spending time with her, but if we don't talk for a longer time, it doesn't make me sad. But maybe that's just a part of being adult? No idea.

I can put myself in other people's shoes, see their point of view, understand WHY they feel how they feel, however I can't remember if I ever genuinely felt their emotions at that moment. I always thought I am very empathetic person because of this, but now I'm thinking maybe I just don't know what empathy really is. I am really confused and doubting everything in my life right now. I've always been a people-pleaser, tried to fit in (which I really struggled with during my school years, I will describe it further later), always acted genuinely polite, but maybe that's just what I was taught. I though wanting people to like me was normal. I don't willingly manipulate people, I might have done it, but I don't know about it. Or at least I know I wouldn't be happy about me doing it.

Another thing I read was that people with ASPD are charmers, get along well with people, are leader-types, generally wanted to be around and funny, which I feel I am, from the references I get from people. People really do enjoy being around me, and I enjoy being around people. However, as I said before, during my school years I had a very hard time getting along with my classmates for a longer time. In the beginning I was the most popular person, however after some time I became one of the most-hated people and I never understood why. I have a friend from high school which I always meet up when I come back home, but I wouldn't consider her a real friend since we don't stay in contact. I have a lot of friends and people around me, but I don't have what other people seem to have - a best friend. I just don't. There are some people that have been around for years, but generally I can feel like someone is my great friend and few months later, we don't even talk anymore. No fights, no problems, I just don't stay in touch with them.

There are also symptoms that I don't think fit me - for example I don't have a problem sharing intimate information with people close to me. Motive of my actions is not manipulation - or at least I don't realize it. Another reason that I think I might be a sociopath is that I can check almost all the boxes when it comes to causes of it.

I just want to be normal. I don't want to be a sociopath, and some people say that this on its own is a sign that I'm not - but is it? Please help me
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Default May 04, 2019 at 05:48 AM
  #2
One day my brother called me "antisocial" pretending to say "asocial" (just because I didn't like going out because I found it boring). I searched the definition of antisocial and found it was a personality disorder characterised by a lack of empathy, guilt and concern for other people's rights, superficial charm, antisocial behaviour (tendency to break the law), impulsivity, conning for one's personal gain and, in case of sociopaths, a lack of a great amount of emotions. Sociopaths fit in the criteria for Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD), but not all of them are antisocials.

At first I thought this wasn't me, especially because I've never had problems with laws or thought about my empathy, manipulative actions and so on, so I forgot about it. Some time later (concretely, december past year) I decided to get more information about ASPD. I listed all the criteria for ASPD and sociopathy in my mind and started getting memories of when I was younger. I realised then, I never thought about empathy because I never had it all. When I saw someone cried of sadness or pain, I simply couldn't feel anything, but I unconsciously faked a sad face. I've always been smarter than most of the people I knew, but I've always been irresponsible.

I don't know if I'm a sociopath or suffer from ASPD, and I don't want to know in any case, but I don't care about labels. If you want to change, a label won't do anything good for you, you'll still be the same, with or without the label. Knowing you're a sociopath, or believing you're one, is pointless for a change. However, if you still want to be sure you're a sociopath...

It's true that sociopaths lie a lot (this is something I can relate to). Usually, they tend to lie to protect themselves and to make the conning possible. In order to fake a cry out of sadness to manipulate your victim, you must lie. If you killed someone, you must lie to protect yourself. If you wanted to start from zero in another place with another identity, you must lie, of course. I mostly lie to avoid consequences, and I can't stop lying, it's a defense mechanism, and therefore it's something impulsive.

Sociopaths can love in a special way some people. It depends on the sociopath, some may have grown up with a family they're tired of and therefore they're alone or they have a special friend (usually a [more or less] honest friendship). This is not only because the sociopath is mostly unable to connect with other people, but because sociopaths/antisocials tend to be too paranoid or in guard. It's hard for a sociopath to tell the truth about themselves, and with their conning nature, most relations they have won't end up well.

Sociopaths have what it's called "cognitive empathy", which means they're able to understand what another person is going through, but they can't feel it. And, sociopaths are usually superficially charming, and it's part of their conning nature, but once they're tired of their lives they can wear off their mask and show they're not the charming men/women they were. Also, this can happen if you happen to trigger them.

I'm not an expert, and I can't tell you if you're a sociopath or what other disorder you've got. However, let me ask you a few questions to determine if you might or not be a sociopath/antisocial:

1. What would you feel if you were someone unknown suffering, for example after a violent and serious accident? What if it was someone close to you?
2. You haven't talked much about your emotions, what emotions do you tend to feel (or that you recognise)? Are these intense and long-lasting/average?
3. Do you think you could survive life all alone? Would you rather be alone, with a few people, or average/many people?
4. Do you have a tendency to break the law/antisocial behaviour?
5. Do you wear a mask to hide your real self, including emotions?

This is only for orientation, if you really want to know if you are a sociopath (which isn't a diagnosis, instead ASPD is used as a diagnosis) you should go to a professional. Either way, you'll have to live with the doubt.
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Default May 04, 2019 at 07:42 AM
  #3
From the DSM-5:

The essential features of a personality disorder are impairments in personality (self and interpersonal) functioning and the presence of pathological personality traits. To diagnose antisocial personality disorder, the following criteria must be met:[54]

A. Significant impairments in personality functioning manifest by:

1. Impairments in self functioning (a or b):
a. Identity: Ego-centrism; self-esteem derived from personal gain, power, or pleasure.
b. Self-direction: Goal-setting based on personal gratification; absence of prosocial internal standards associated with failure to conform to lawful or culturally normative ethical behavior.
AND

2. Impairments in interpersonal functioning (a or b):
a. Empathy: Lack of concern for feelings, needs, or suffering of others; lack of remorse after hurting or mistreating another.
b. Intimacy: Incapacity for mutually intimate relationships, as exploitation is a primary means of relating to others, including by deceit and coercion; use of dominance or intimidation to control others.
B. Pathological personality traits in the following domains:

1. Antagonism, characterized by:
a. Manipulativeness: Frequent use of subterfuge to influence or control others; use of seduction, charm, glibness, or ingratiation to achieve one's ends.
b. Deceitfulness: Dishonesty and fraudulence; misrepresentation of self; embellishment or fabrication when relating events.
c. Callousness: Lack of concern for feelings or problems of others; lack of guilt or remorse about the negative or harmful effects of one's actions on others; aggression; sadism.
d. Hostility: Persistent or frequent angry feelings; anger or irritability in response to minor slights and insults; mean, nasty, or vengeful behavior.
2. Disinhibition, characterized by:
a. Irresponsibility: Disregard for – and failure to honor – financial and other obligations or commitments; lack of respect for – and lack of follow-through on – agreements and promises.
b. Impulsivity: Acting on the spur of the moment in response to immediate stimuli; acting on a momentary basis without a plan or consideration of outcomes; difficulty establishing and following plans.
c. Risk taking: Engagement in dangerous, risky, and potentially self-damaging activities, unnecessarily and without regard for consequences; boredom proneness and thoughtless initiation of activities to counter boredom; lack of concern for one's limitations and denial of the reality of personal danger.
C. The impairments in personality functioning and the individual's personality trait expression are relatively stable across time and consistent across situations.

D. The impairments in personality functioning and the individual's personality trait expression are not better understood as normative for the individual's developmental stage or sociocultural environment.

E. The impairments in personality functioning and the individual's personality trait expression are not solely due to the direct physiological effects of a substance (e.g., a drug of abuse, medication) or a general medical condition (e.g., severe head trauma).

F. The individual is at least age 18 years.

Antisocial personality disorder falls under the dramatic/erratic cluster of personality disorders, "Cluster B".

From the ICD-10:

It is characterized by at least 3 of the following:
Callous unconcern for the feelings of others;
Gross and persistent attitude of irresponsibility and disregard for social norms, rules, and obligations;
Incapacity to maintain enduring relationships, though having no difficulty in establishing them;
Very low tolerance to frustration and a low threshold for discharge of aggression, including violence;
Incapacity to experience guilt or to profit from experience, particularly punishment;
Marked readiness to blame others or to offer plausible rationalizations for the behavior that has brought the person into conflict with society.
The ICD states that this diagnosis includes "amoral, antisocial, asocial, psychopathic, and sociopathic personality". Although the disorder is not synonymous with conduct disorder, presence of conduct disorder during childhood or adolescence may further support the diagnosis of dissocial personality disorder. There may also be persistent irritability as an associated feature.[56][57]

It is a requirement of the ICD-10 that a diagnosis of any specific personality disorder also satisfies a set of general personality disorder criteria.[56]
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Thanks for this!
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FluffyCat15
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Default May 05, 2019 at 07:36 AM
  #4
Thank you for the reply, I will try to answer those questions:

1. What would you feel if you were someone unknown suffering, for example after a violent and serious accident? What if it was someone close to you?

My friend was molested as a kid and she has really bad issues because of it, depression etc. I feel bad and sorry for her, but I don't feel sad myself when thinking about it. I wish it didnt happen to her, but I don't feel saddness as if something intense had happened at that moment. I went out with her even though I didn't feel like it at that moment and had other plans, when she was in a really bad state, though, to cheer her up. My family member was diagnosed with a serious illness and I hope she will be as good as possible and I want her to be happy and healthy, but I wasn't sad as in crying, being desperate etc (maybe it's because it's not directly life-threatening though?) In these situations, I feel like it's bad and I hope everything is going to be fine, but I guess I don't feel desperate. Also I'd like to mention that I hate injustice, if someone hurts my friends I emphatise with them and feel angry at the person who hurt them. But could it maybe be that I just focus on the injustice itself as a phenomenon?

2. You haven't talked much about your emotions, what emotions do you tend to feel (or that you recognise)? Are these intense and long-lasting/average?

I would say I have felt pretty much all known emotions in my life. Obviously hapiness, sadness, love, anger, grief, etc. also remorse but when I think about it, often the remorse was oriented towards myself, as in when I did something wrong I felt like I ruined my karma etc., I also feel bad if I hurt someone, I regret hurting them, but what if I just regret it because they will not like me anymore? I'm not even sure about those things anymomre, that's the real problem. I often lie to spare someone from being sad because of the truth etc. And in those cases there is really no personal profit for myself, I just don't want to hurt the person. I want to be and I also think I am a good person.

3. Do you think you could survive life all alone? Would you rather be alone, with a few people, or average/many people?

I honestly don't think so. I am very social and I love being around people. I am fine if I just see the same circle of people on a regular basis, I also like meeting new people. I can also handle being alone, but I prefer being around/with people.

4. Do you have a tendency to break the law/antisocial behaviour?

I don't. Never stole anything or got into a physical fight with someone etc. The only thing that fits this frame is drugs. I smoke pot quite often and I also experimented with some other drugs (NEVER drugs like meth or heroine), but only tried it with my friends and then haven't done it again. But I know there's a lot of people like me when it comes to this.

5. Do you wear a mask to hide your real self, including emotions?

I wouldn't say so. I am a pretty open person, I obviously choose how much of myself I reveal to who, because if I don't know someone I won't talk to them about my family issues for example. But I don't put up a show (or at least I think so). I mostly say and do what comes to my mind when I'm around friends or people who I feel comfortable with. When it comes to emotions, I don't hide them. Only when really necessary, e.g. talking to boss etc., but we've all been there. Most of the time I express my emotions as they are.

Hope this helps
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