Anxiety Daily Check-In point #5

I had planned on going to Outback today for lunch. I decided to wait until the week sometime so I can go to The Cheesecake Factory. There is no way I’m going to the mall on the weekend. Especially this weekend. I went to Best Buy because I am looking for a digital food scale. The store was packed and I thought a couple teenage boys gave me a weird look. I am female but I don’t look too much different from a teenage boy, but I just got very uncomfortable. Also there was a ton of security there wearing full security suits with all kinds of stuff. You’d think it was Super Bowl Sunday or something. It was too much for me. So I guess I just have to get use to the crowds. Even during the week is probably going to be too much.

Yes wake me up when the holiday shopping season is over, just kidding, but often I actually hold off on buying some things until after the holidays just to avoid crowds.

I didn't have class today because of the holidays, but I still have some homework to do and get prepared for the finals. The other day I went holiday shopping at night and the crowds didn't bother me.

I had no anxiety at work. I thought it would be really bad, but it wasn’t. Now I’m starting to overthink stuff and think of situations that didn’t even happen and project my feelings onto other people, who probably didn’t even feel that way. So my anxiety is kind of bad right now. And my stomach is hurting now too. I took my Xanax and I’m hoping it will start to work soon.

I just mentioned on another thread the anxiety my upcoming holiday is presenting me. I fear something happening causing delays and missed flights making the journey a nightmare.

Well there is another worry too. The holiday consists of a riverboat cruise. This is now in jeopardy on account of low water levels. I realise whatever changes made to our trip will still be a grand adventure but it will be a disappointment not to make the planned itinerary. Fingers tightly crossed.

If my doctor is actually prescribing me two Xanax a day, then shouldn’t I be taking them? My anxiety is bad and maybe I should be listening to him since he is the doctor. I trust him about 95% and I think he knows what he’s talking about.

Sometimes I want to click the pause button on my life...long enough to calm myself down. When my anxiety is bad like tonight, everything in my life seems heavy and it is difficult to relax.

My pdoc went from prescribing one to two Xanax a day. It has helped me.

I haven't posted a check-in for a while now. That is not to say though that I haven't been dealing with a great deal of stress and anxiety. In fact it has been bad enough at times that I have been under a great deal of duress and distress. I figure it was best to try and avoid it though rather than ruminate and harp on about it.

Well ignoring my triggers certainly has not been the best way to go. For, they don't go away now do they. I have incidentally lost a lot of weight recently and I point to the stress as part of the cause.

Now however is a matter that is sending stress right out of the ballpark and I have been having a hard time recently just managing to carry on. I am not coping well and the worry is now spiralling out of control.

I have mentioned an impending trip that is now merely a week and a half away. It is a European river boat cruise down the Danube River. I should be amazing. The problem though is that I have found out by my own means that low water levels are affecting current sailings. I belong to a forum on these cruises and have read some really upsetting tales of how badly people's cruises have turned out.

So I am worried at how my own will be distrupted.

Particularly worrying is that the cruise line has as of yet not contacted us regarding the situation. Not a bloody word. It is now just over a week away and still no contact. I expected a travel package weeks ago yet not a damn thing. My travel agent is having no luck with getting any information from them either. Usually no news is good news but in this case I truly worry that is the opposite.

My stupid coworker is really immature and likes to scare people. Today I was doing a task and I was zoning out while remembering something anxiety provoking. Then all of a sudden I heard this banshee type yell and she screamed my name. I jumped and she started laughing at how vulnerable I looked. Grow the **** up.

Sometimes I really do want to tell management I have GAD.

When nothing appears to work... Then again, maybe the tips I linked to in the thread are not enough.

In a bit of GOOD NEWS things are looking up. While I still worry about reaching Prague with delays or worse, the concern about the holiday itself has significantly been abated. The river cruise line company has been in touch to inform me the water levels have risen in the last several days making the chance of not having any deviations to our itinerary a great possibility. Woot! Woot!

I had to train the new person at work. I really didn’t want to and I sort of told the manager that. I told him I wouldn’t be very good at it. He told me I would be fine and I was his best one. The new person didn’t really get it. There are really only 3-4 steps on how to do stuff. I felt like I explained things well. But I had to keep explaining the same 2-3 steps to her. She was nice enough. There were a couple of times where she seemed to be a bit crabby when I told her how to do things. She would ask me stuff though. Luckily though I was so focused on working with her I had no time to deal with my own anxious thoughts.

I have an 8 hour shift tomorrow. I haven’t worked an 8 shift, I don’t think since January. Plus it’s a Sunday during Christmas season. I’m scheduled to be in the back. There might not be a lot of work to last me until my shift is over. I’m worried about being sent on the floor. Plus a manager that yelled at someone the other week will be there all day. The only good thing is that a coworker I really like has the same hours as I do and will hopefully be working with me the whole time. She says she will. But that’s not really her place to say that. We go where they tell us to go.

My neck and forehead sort of hurt when I lie down since this afternoon. I have to go to the driver license this week to renew my card, but this time I have to renew in person. Which I don't like

Concerned i may have hurt myself.

My anxiety went so high today I felt myself leave my body. Is this considered dissociation, or something else? I also had a semi panic attack at the same time and I could not think or speak properly. It was crucial I do both though. Luckily I had a Xanax in my pocket. My anxiety had not been that bad since March 2015.

slightly anxious that my friend is going to notice that her dvd of elf is scratched.

I mean on one hand, she gave it to me like that without checking it plays firsdt

on the other, she could watch it, realise it's not working, and pin the blame on me

oh well if she decides to do that I'll just say... look, it wasn't working when you gave it to me- I've done nothing

Instead of letting a situation control me and make me anxious I just asked the person why she was asking the question. Which was Inappropriate, nosy and none of her business. Watching her stutter and not really be able to answer why she was asking the question (she didn’t want to admit she was just being judgemental and rude) made me feel satisfied. She did finally give me an answer that made no sense. But it felt good sticking up for myself for once.

My anxiety has been very bad. I need to deal with it. I have a prn med I can take for it but I try to avoid taking it often because its klonopin and can be addictive when relied on too much. I mean, I'm technically able to take 2 tablets a day if I needed to. I've only taken one every maybe 3 or 4 months if that for the past couple of years. Maybe I can let myself take it a little bit more often than that, at least in states of extreme anxiety until I'm able to work through it in other ways. Getting out of the house and going places is becoming an issue, and the more I avoid it the harder it gets to go certain places, places I want or need to go. It has been hindering my life so much recently. I was doing so well for a long time, not sure what happened. Maybe it's stress from my classes. My last week before the semester ends starts tomorrow. I have a final exam on the 17th.