[autumn15]

Christmas is always a time where my anxiety is heightened. I am starting to dread it. The main reason for this is that every year without a doubt I feel immense pressure from my in-laws to attend multiple Christmas celebrations during this brief period of time. It's never negotiable, and we keep giving in year after year (which i recognise is on us to change).

My In-laws have a large and close extended family on both sides and they expect that everyone must attend Christmas celebrations for each side of their family. These events are usually full day events or full afternoon/evening events. Heres the schedule so far for this year:

23rd December – travelling to the city and attending a Christmas festival with my parents in-law and sibling-in laws. Staying the night with them in the city.
24th December – attending an event in the city with one side of the extended in-laws family. (Full day event with travel.)
25th December – visiting my own parents and siblings.
26th December – travelling again to spend day and night with 2nd side of the extended in-laws family.
27th December – Breakfast with extended in-laws before travelling back home again. Probably won’t get home until late again.

Now comes the issue… my in-laws ALSO asked if we could have dinner with them on Christmas night as well. My husband told them that no, we’re spending Christmas day with my family. The in-laws tried to bargain by suggesting that we spend some time with my family on Christmas eve night instead. My husband said no again, explaining that we have organised to spend Christmas day with my family.

This was a couple of days ago and today a different member of my hubbys family has jumped on the band wagon with trying to persuade us to change our plans. It’s starting to stress me out that they can have such little regard for our time, such little regard for my side of the family and that they want so badly to control everything we do. It's like 'NO'is just not in their vocabulary. It just makes me crazy! I’m so tired of us always being expected to juggle things to satisfy them! I hate the thought of disappointing them or starting a conflict but we need to start standing up for ourselves without guilt.

I don’t think it’s unreasonable for us to say no to one out of the four events that my in-laws are trying to organise over the holidays??? Right??? Does anyone else out there experience similar things with their family??? Any tips to deal with this???

[Yzen]

This time of year is complicated. It is easy to forget about what will make you happy and end up spending the time trying to meet the relatives expectations. My mother just told me in detail what she wants me to do this Christmas. She didn't even ask me what I want to do or what would make me happy. She does this every year and if me or my siblings suggest something else or don't come visit when she wants, she gets offended.

Try to find a balance between doing what you want and also visiting with the families. You deserve to have a good time and not have to meet everyone's strict expectations.

I hope their are things about this christmas that you are also looking forward too.

it's very important you enjoy it as well