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Old 01-13-2019, 03:21 PM #1
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Default How does one become more confident doing something you enjoy so you feel less anxious

How does one become confident enough in doing something that they're actually able to enjoy it rather than being anxious the whole time? How does one become better at doing something if they're too anxious to even practice the skills (because they're afraid of being judged or someone being mad)? It can't just be doing things over and over again or even doing them successfully. That hasn't worked. One failure is all it takes to destroy any amount of confidence built up.

I feel like I'm going to be ridiculed. I'm already held to much higher standards than other people, so I know I'll be called out if I'm anything less than PERFECT. Having that looming over my head, I can't really enjoy the activity, can I? Nor could I ever gain confidence.

I'm not sure if I need to be more specific but it makes me somewhat anxious to think about doing so.
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Old 01-14-2019, 02:33 PM #2
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Default Re: How does one become more confident doing something you enjoy so you feel less anx

Glad yr posting again. It is so hard to make suggestions when few people know your situation or what activities yr referring to. I remember that you have a complicated situation that may be impacting this more than what activities you want to participate in, but any info gives you a better chance of getting good ideas.
Iím having a really crummy few years, especially bad old 2019,so donít feel alone in that part, tho yr situation is more complicated than most.
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Old 01-14-2019, 04:34 PM #3
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Default Re: How does one become more confident doing something you enjoy so you feel less anx

Without knowing any details... the first thing that comes to my mind is to do things over and over. Thatís how Iíve become more comfortable and better at doing things.
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Old 01-14-2019, 07:15 PM #4
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Default Re: How does one become more confident doing something you enjoy so you feel less anx

Daring to do the activity instead of avoiding it while testing even sometimes on porpose, how making a mistake wonít make you lose a single bit of value in the process.
How easy it sounds, doesnít it?
I know it, itís not easy for a perfectionist as I think you are.
I havenít still been able to do some kind of activities without a world of worries, before the performance, after and in between. I got it with some activities, however.
Have you tried to do some kind of therapy to help you with this issue?
Sorry of not being a big help.
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Old 01-14-2019, 08:19 PM #5
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Default Re: How does one become more confident doing something you enjoy so you feel less anx

Quote:
Originally Posted by Skull&Crossbones View Post
How does one become confident enough in doing something that they're actually able to enjoy it rather than being anxious the whole time? How does one become better at doing something if they're too anxious to even practice the skills (because they're afraid of being judged or someone being mad)?
How does one become confident enough in doing something that they're actually able to enjoy it rather than being anxious the whole time?

Confidence is earned and cannot be taken. Confidence is something that is built over time and is.. merited, nope.. is measured, nope.. is exercised, maybe. If you feel like you are going to be ridiculed, you probably are. Be prepared for that and decide if that ridicule is based on fact or friction. Everyone needs perfection to some degree, but beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Your mind is made up then you will never regain what youíve lost. Let it be and it will heal itself in time. I am sorry for your struggles
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Old 01-15-2019, 01:00 AM #6
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Default Re: How does one become more confident doing something you enjoy so you feel less anx

It's hard to find the words to explain...

I'm a musician and I'd love to go to jam sessions so I could find other bands to play with. But I'm only comfortable playing and singing around kids (I teach some, and am getting certified to teach full time) because they don't judge me for making mistakes. I'm not going to get called out on social media or have some sexist comment made about me. See, a lot of musicians are straight men and they're not held to as high of a standard as me. Maybe they'd be more accepting if I did fully embrace the object I'm supposed to be. I wear a dress, but I haven't been wearing makeup. In a lot of my experiences, in the music and higher education/grad school worlds, I was either an object (and not even a desired sexual object) or I didn't exist. All of this is made more complicated because I don't fully identify as "woman".

I also don't have any place where I feel remotely comfortable practicing my main instrument. I play several instruments, but none of them feel as high risk I guess. So confidence gets lower...I've been told I was going to fail/not good enough on that instrument because it was technically a secondary instrument. And I have different skill sets that are valued less around here even though if I'm playing to my strengths any ensemble sounds better with me in it.

So I feel like I'm going to be judged for my playing and for my sex/gender/sexuality so it's just uncomfortable to go outside the LGBT and education bubbles. When everything about you is supposedly wrong and bad, it's hard to have any confidence in anything you do. But the main thing I was thinking of I guess was being able to go to jam sessions.
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Old 01-15-2019, 04:17 AM #7
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Default Re: How does one become more confident doing something you enjoy so you feel less anx

I'm so sorry, Skull&Crossbones I think there are deeper issues that you may want to work on before you work on this. For example, your doubts about your gender/sexuality, since you sound so insecure about it. I agree with the others that the best way to build confidence is with practice. I know it's easier said than done, but unfortunately there aren't a lot of alternatives. Do you see a therapist? Maybe that could help. Please don't give up, things can get better and I'm sure you'll be able to build some confidence at some point if you just try your best like you're already doing. You can do this! I know you're strong. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. Sending many hugs to you
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Old 01-15-2019, 09:06 AM #8
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Default Re: How does one become more confident doing something you enjoy so you feel less anx

Perhaps motivation is the cause? Fear of not doing the task perfectly? Feeling of being too unworthy of taking the time to do and enjoy it?

I am an artist and outdoor enthusiast. I haven't been doing much of either. It is really hard, despite loving doing these activities, to motivate myself to do so. As asked above, I have issues about my self-esteem and worthiness. I question whether I am deserving enough to focus attention on myself. I also am anxious about the end results. I have a need for perfection being concerned I will humiliate myself if the end product isn't good enough. Considering the sheer expense of such things too I question the validity of pursuing them and my deserving of such expense.
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Old 01-16-2019, 06:02 PM #9
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Default Re: How does one become more confident doing something you enjoy so you feel less anx

It's not that I don't deserve to enjoy something, but this is a straight man's world, so I'm not part of the group. I'm not attractive enough to for them to want me around as an object they can look at. So, since I have no value to them, I have to be perfect in order to be allowed to "tag along".

So I'm mostly afraid of going to a jam session and just being viewed as cattle or an object because I wasn't good enough to be born with male parts.

So you could say I'm anxious doing anything that involves a lot of straight men.
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Old 01-17-2019, 06:38 AM #10
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Default Re: How does one become more confident doing something you enjoy so you feel less anx

Find or form a womenís or lgbt band or jam session. Tho I am purely heterosexual, much of male behavior repels me like them not being good communicators. You are able to discuss, really dissect yr issues. You mostly see women able to or bothering to do that on this site. I think u being different eg incomprehensible to them or feeling yr anxiety may make those guys uncomfortable. Itís just biology for them to be attracted to pretty women. Nature is always trying to trick us one way or the other.
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