[Enyapla]

To keep it short I have multiple symptoms that are questionable but displaced. I have severe mental illness (anxiety, ED, and mood disorder and self harm) and despite medication, ECt, and therapy I’m not any better. I’ve had symptoms since 10 (currently 19) I also have sexual dysfunction (I’m female) and cant orgasm during sex. This might sounds insane but I’m wondering if I repressed trauma. When I was 7 at most I remember being turned on after being tied to a post during “save the princess” game. I immeidatelu freaked out and panicked at the feeling I then didn’t understand. What else would cause that reaction from a sexually inexperienced child?. I have what I think are gaps in memory but that COULD be ECT side effects. I have an inability to orgasm unless it’s rough BDSM fantasies (lest us not say assault fantasy’s because that disturbs me). So, in sum. I have inexplicable mental ilness, gaps in memory, assault fantasies, sexual dysfunction, and inexplicable sexual reaction/panic when I was young. Is ia stretch to wonder if there’s something I’m repressing? Could these all be conincdences?

[sarahsweets]

Are you in therapy right now?

[Enyapla]

Originally Posted by sarahsweets

Are you in therapy right now?

yes I am

[Enyapla]

Originally Posted by sarahsweets

Are you in therapy right now?

yes, however I fear bringing up such a huge and potentially ridiculous "concern"

[sarahsweets]

Originally Posted by Enyapla

yes, however I fear bringing up such a huge and potentially ridiculous "concern"

I do not think you should look at it as ridiculous. The therapy is your time and you should use it how you see fit.

[Skeezyks]

Hello Enyapla: I believe this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to Psych Central. I'm sorry you are struggling with so many mental health concerns. Hopefully coming here to PC can be of some comfort & support.

You mentioned you are in therapy but you fear bringing up what you feel may be a huge & potentially ridiculous concern. I do agree the concerns you have could be considered huge. But I certainly don't think they are in any way ridiculous. It's important to be as open & honest as possible in therapy. Your therapist can only be of as much help to you as possible to the extent you can be as forthright as possible.

Here are links to a selection of 6 articles, from Psych Central's archives, that may be of interest to you given the concerns you've mentioned here:

About Treatment Resistant Depression (TRD)

What You Need to Know About Treatment-Resistant Depression

Anxiety Disorders Overview: Symptoms, Treatment & More | PsychCentral

Living with an Anxiety Disorder

Understanding the Effects of Trauma: Post-traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

https://psychcentral.com/blog/memory...r-from-trauma/

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

Originally Posted by Enyapla

To keep it short I have multiple symptoms that are questionable but displaced. I have severe mental illness (anxiety, ED, and mood disorder and self harm) and despite medication, ECt, and therapy I’m not any better. I’ve had symptoms since 10 (currently 19) I also have sexual dysfunction (I’m female) and cant orgasm during sex. This might sounds insane but I’m wondering if I repressed trauma. When I was 7 at most I remember being turned on after being tied to a post during “save the princess” game. I immeidatelu freaked out and panicked at the feeling I then didn’t understand. What else would cause that reaction from a sexually inexperienced child?. I have what I think are gaps in memory but that COULD be ECT side effects. I have an inability to orgasm unless it’s rough BDSM fantasies (lest us not say assault fantasy’s because that disturbs me). So, in sum. I have inexplicable mental ilness, gaps in memory, assault fantasies, sexual dysfunction, and inexplicable sexual reaction/panic when I was young. Is ia stretch to wonder if there’s something I’m repressing? Could these all be conincdences?

So sorry you are dealing with so much. With regard to one of your questions, research now proves that unwanted sexual arousal can and does occur. Including with some children being sexually abused. There is an excellent Ted Talk on the subject which I shared with some survivors of sexual abuse posting on PC.

Is it possible you repressed some sort of sexual assault in childhood? I believe it is possible yes. I think you need professional support from an experienced psychologist with a background in sexual dysfunction etc. Repression is complex and retrieval is controversial. That said, your mind seems to be communicating something to you. I fully support you in wanting to explore and understand that better. That's not an "overreaction" by any means. I would seek an expert to help you work through those concerns and memories.

And yes, ECT does cause serious memory problems for lots of people. I work in healthcare and I've had many patients who wish they'd never tried it because it didn't help their mood and the memory impairment is permanent for them.

I don't find your concerns "ridiculous" at all. You seem like an intelligent person who wants to take charge of your health. That is admirable and indicates strength and courage. Well done you! I say give therapy a shot...you can gradually open up and share at a pace which feels comfortable to you. A good therapist will be kind and supportive and never make you feel ridiculous for any reason.

Peace to you

***I am not a doctor and only offer my thoughts and support on PC.

Here's a link to the Ted Talk I mentioned on unwanted sexual arousal. Some folks on PC said it helped them.

Emily Nagoski: The truth about unwanted arousal | TED Talk