[xmascarol]

I am missing my friend already however it seems like everytime I get lonely lately I just lose it,I break down and cry and I get so depressed.I have been so anxious as of late to and some of it is causing it to make me be angry.I did yell some but into my pillow that way I cannot get into any trouble and it should make my next door neighbor happy. Why should we feel like we have to please everybody?I think it's due to not only our anxieties but we were brought up that way I suppose. I was made to feel like I have to be perfect believe me I am far from being perfect but why do I feel like I have to be? If I am not perfect then I feel like a failure. AM I the only one who feels like this?Be good and perfect or you are no good.It isnt right.I just want to feel better be normal whatever that feels like.It really bothers me when I see some people being able to do things so easily and I cannot.why must everything be such a task for us?What is normal anyway?

[cryingontheinside]

Hello my friend. I am here for u . i think i know i know what you are saying because i never feel good enough and i also others can function and wonder why they can and i can't.
I don't cry very often yet i don't want to be alive. I don't know why i don't cry. Maybe i use up most my tears already i don't know. But i do know being alive each day and feeling how i feel is very hard to cope with

You deserve happiness. I hope you feel better soon

[xmascarol]

Originally Posted by cryingontheinside

Hello my friend. I am here for u . i think i know i know what you are saying because i never feel good enough and i also others can function and wonder why they can and i can't.
I don't cry very often yet i don't want to be alive. I don't know why i don't cry. Maybe i use up most my tears already i don't know. But i do know being alive each day and feeling how i feel is very hard to cope with

You deserve happiness. I hope you feel better soon

Oh my God I am so happy to hear from you I thought something might have happened to you.We are so much alike today I didnt care if I lived or died.Not saying I want to do away with myself but this is how we feel at times Like what is the point of living if we have to suffer all of the time?We never asked for this. Sometimes I feel like we are being punished because of this illness.Or is the illness itself some ,kind of punishment?I am so anxious right not I am suppose to get my social security payment tomorrow as usual I am always afraid it wont be there in my bank.I dont need this crap every single time I am due for my payment this happens my entire body is shaky and I am on pins and needles I hope I can sleep tonight,this gets to be so annoying last night when my friend told me she couldnt stay for the rest of the week I just laid on my side and cried it isnt her fault just sometimes the man she works with has to leave early and she has to take over his job I cant sit with her until next Wed ugh being alone for 8 days with nobody to talk to gets to be very depressing I never use to feel like this matter of fact I preferred to be alone not anymore,
this illness stinks

[cryingontheinside]

Sorry if you messaged me on another thread and i didn't reply then i haven't seen it yet. I don't get all of my notifications . im sorry if i worried you .
I can relate so much to everything you are saying . i wonder sometimes is this some sort of punishment . i don't know why because we are all good people here .
I have other things going on too but I'm nervous to talk about it in public forum because i fear being judged . ill tell you about it in private when you are feeling a little better because i don't want you to have to listen to my problems right now . i want to be here for you. I want to listen to you as much as you feel comfortable to talk and share.
I will always be here for you friend .

[xmascarol]

Originally Posted by cryingontheinside

Sorry if you messaged me on another thread and i didn't reply then i haven't seen it yet. I don't get all of my notifications . im sorry if i worried you .
I can relate so much to everything you are saying . i wonder sometimes is this some sort of punishment . i don't know why because we are all good people here .
I have other things going on too but I'm nervous to talk about it in public forum because i fear being judged . ill tell you about it in private when you are feeling a little better because i don't want you to have to listen to my problems right now . i want to be here for you. I want to listen to you as much as you feel comfortable to talk and share.
I will always be here for you friend .

You can talk to me anytime even when you feel like crap hey I am here for you,always even when I feel like crap or worthless that is it I feel useless, awful isnt it.Honey I will listen to you anytime that is what I am here for.I am your friend,no matter how you feel good and bad times,

[xmascarol]

Well today was a strange day I woke up at three am couldnt get back to sleep,I know why to was so worried about my money whether it would be in the bank or not as usual I worried for nothing,but that is me I am always worrying and I cannot help it.Since the money was there my anxieties have disappeared I feel absolutely nothing today,actually feel like well nothing is bothering me,no depression ,anger ,sadness or anxieties now,,so why can't it be like this all of the time? Unfortunately I get days like this not to often,I actually felt good today but now I am tired and feel somewhat depressed again I knew it wouldnt last.It never does.I wonder why sometime we can have a day when we feel nothing and other days everything bothers us,to bad we couldnt feel like this all the time.Wouldnt that be great?? God bless all of you.