I am going downhill FAST, I am worried, I am scared and I need help please.

If this thread doesn't belong here, I apologize and please move as you see fit.

Work stress has been building for a few months and has now reached a new height this week. I am not about to walk out or quit, but I went to HR and vocalized my discontent saying I want to leave because of X issue. I have only been there 7 months and am already looking for other jobs. I cannot take the extreme stress or pressure anymore.

My fiance is also facing enormous and mounting stress at work and also physically. He is not well physically or mentally right now. His stress at work is far too great.

Financially, we are beginning to struggle. His finances have dwindled lately -- (he is paid on 100% commission only) and to no fault of his own but due to serious dysfunction within the company. He is looking but cannot afford a pay cut right now either, which is his greatest concern. So I am partially supporting both of us right now, which is a huge strain on me financially and emotionally because I am trying to also save for our wedding/honeymoon.

He is suffering immensely from physical injuries, two of them, plus a sudden onslaught of migraines -- I am very concerned.

We cannot afford time off. We cannot afford the surgery he needs on his shoulder.

We are scheduled to marry in May. Right now I hope it can happen financially for us.

I am not mentally well and am unraveling.

I don't see my therapist until Tuesday. I am not in any danger of harm, I am just not well and do not know how to cope anymore with all this stress coming from multiple directions, impacting our lives, our well-being and our happiness.

Please help -- thank you!!

[CepheidVariable]

We haven't really talked, but you've always seemed grounded and have good advice for others.

For what it's worth ... Right now, my best suggestion would be to look after yourself tonight and not make any decisions or try to figure things out until you are fresh in the morning.

Were you only looking for emotional support? Or ideas for the other stuff?

Sending hugs.

Originally Posted by CepheidVariable

We haven't really talked, but you've always seemed grounded and have good advice for others.

For what it's worth ... Right now, my best suggestion would be to look after yourself tonight and not make any decisions or try to figure things out until you are fresh in the morning.

Were you only looking for emotional support? Or ideas for the other stuff?

Sending hugs.

Thank you so much. We’re having a relaxing Thai dinner then we’ll watch movies in bed and fall asleep. Thank you!

[Mopey]

Good idea. Then maybe tomorrow when you wake up rested you can look at the whole mess one little bit at a time together, then maybe make a plan slowly for what steps you might take.

Best...

[sarahsweets]

I wish I had something more concrete to offer you. I know what I do when I feel it boiling up and about to erupt is what I call "5 blue things". I saw it on a show. Its a way of grounding- and reframing the mind. You look around for five blue things and say them out loud slowly with a deep breath between.. " i see the blue book" (breathe) I see the towel"-breathe- I see the dish soap... and onward, it really does help at least a little when you feel like you might have a meltdown.

I am glad you are both looking for other jobs. There are low stress jobs out there though I acknowledge that most jobs with benefits seem to have a lot of stress. The trick is to learn not to care as much--something that may be the opposite of your personality. Hang in there.

Have you already made financial commitments toward your marriage? Spend very little. Is there anything else you can do to lower your expenses (like finding a cheaper place to live).

The only positive thing I can think of is that you are being tested on how compatible you both are as a couple. If your love can handle this stress then you are a good match. Someday, you both will retire and will not have to deal with some of this.

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm so sorry you're hurting so much, golden_eve It must be very stressful for you to deal with all of this. Please don't give up. Take it one step at the time. Take baby steps. Otherwise it will all seem so overwhelming for you. Just try to focus on one thing at the time. If you're dealing with your job, just focus on it and don't think of any other worries. Most importantly, remember to tale care of yourself! Take some time to relax with your boyfriend. I know it's hard, but trust me whan i say that things can and will get better. Remember that you're doing all you can to deal with this situation - you're looking for another job and doing your best to support your boyfriend. Be proud of yourself for that. I agree with Nowinners. If you're going through all of this with your boyfriend, it means your bond is really stronger! You will get out all of this stronger than ever, I'm sure of that. I'm so sorry, I wish I've had more advice to give to you. Just keep doing what you're already doing. You're handling all of this pretty well. You can do this! You're strong, I know that. I believe in you. You've got this. Is there anything we can do to help you? Please let us know. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. Sending many hugs to you

Thank you all so much. I really appreciate the support.

CepheidVariable, I meant to answer your question, sorry! I suppose I was looking to vent and also get support.

Taking it one step at it time helps since I'm a bit overwhelmed.

I think I need to try to relax and chill as much as possible. Maybe I'll put on meditative music this weekend.

Not caring so much about my work helps too. I do tend to care too much.

Grounding techniques are also helpful. I've used different grounding techniques in the past and it's helped.

I do have a plan: get a better job.

We're not having a wedding though. I am saving for a honeymoon. We're eloping. Hehe. But it's still a good chunk of $$.

We're going to curb our spending as much as possible too -- that will also help.

Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky

I'm so sorry you're hurting so much, golden_eve It must be very stressful for you to deal with all of this. Please don't give up. Take it one step at the time. Take baby steps. Otherwise it will all seem so overwhelming for you. Just try to focus on one thing at the time. If you're dealing with your job, just focus on it and don't think of any other worries. Most importantly, remember to tale care of yourself! Take some time to relax with your boyfriend. I know it's hard, but trust me whan i say that things can and will get better. Remember that you're doing all you can to deal with this situation - you're looking for another job and doing your best to support your boyfriend. Be proud of yourself for that. I agree with Nowinners. If you're going through all of this with your boyfriend, it means your bond is really stronger! You will get out all of this stronger than ever, I'm sure of that. I'm so sorry, I wish I've had more advice to give to you. Just keep doing what you're already doing. You're handling all of this pretty well. You can do this! You're strong, I know that. I believe in you. You've got this. Is there anything we can do to help you? Please let us know. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. Sending many hugs to you

Thanks, Mickey!

I missed your message when I wrote my last.

You asked if there is anything ppl can do to help me.... I think just what everyone is doing -- providing support and encouragement.

I DO need to remain strong through all of this somehow.

Oh -- and yes, to the above poster as well (I am not well so I am not recalling usernames off the top of my head right now) -- we are doing well as a couple together through this. We are not getting angry with each other, we are remaining as calm as we can be together, and we are not taking our frustrations out on each other. We are both trying hard to remain calm as well as pleasant and loving towards each other through our individual and collective stress.

It most certainly IS a test of our love through this period. Man oh man!

And I apologize if I don't address ppl directly by name. I am reading and appreciative of ALL responses and support on here.

Thank you, Mickey, and thank you all so much.

[WishfulThinker66]

You said you spoke to your Human Resources Department. Did you mention then work was affecting your mental health or the word Anxiety? If so, your workplace is legally bound to accomodate you. If they are an employer of size (I assume if they have an HR they are bound to be), they will have access to what is called an EAP (Employee Assistance Package). Please note this is NOT your health and benefits and there is no connection between the two other than the EAP will draw from your benefits funding.

An EAP is a clearing house persay of resources - like therapy, etc. They can provide you with immediate help, act as a go between with your HR at work (if you so desire), and refer you to programs and therapy. A plan of action will be drawn up for coping with your work and non-work related stress and your employer MUST adhere to this.

My own example is that when I contacted mine years ago they immediately took action. I wasn't even dealing with work related stress rather the stress of a marital breakup which affected my work. So they got me in touch with both a therapist and made appointments with several lawyers for a complimentary consultation. In the meantime, while waiting for these various appointments, the EAP sent out a big box of marvelous coping mechanisms for the short term; candles, relaxation CD, bath salts, lavender essential oil, and a work book pertaining to workplace anxiety. It all was a great experience. Meanwhile my work gave me lighter duties until I was back on track again.

Look into whether your employer will have one. Now a point of note: if you have a health and benefits package you are likely to also have an EAP. It is alarming though that most businesses don't even bother to inform their employees of its existence.

Also of note: Your employer cannot use your divulging of being anxious or some other mental health issue against you. This is the law. As said, they are obligated to accomodate you if you choose to disclose. At no time, unless you have authorised, will an EAP divulge anything back to your employer.

I hope this helps you and any others reading this.

NOW, I recently had to quit my most recent job over stress. Stupidly I was so wound up that when my employer offered to assist and accomodate me I turned them down. I really truly regret this. It was the heat of the moment, I was in the throws of a panic attack and quit on the spot. In retrospect I am really kicking myself for not taking them up on their offer. Poop.

[WishfulThinker66]

Definition of an EAP:

An employee assistance program (EAP) is a work-based intervention program designed to assist employees in resolving personal problems that may be adversely affecting the employee's performance.

[MickeyCheeky]

Thank you so much for sharing this, WishfulThinker66! I think it's really helpful and valuable. I hope it will help someone here at PC. Sending many hugs to you

Originally Posted by WishfulThinker66

You said you spoke to your Human Resources Department. Did you mention then work was affecting your mental health or the word Anxiety? If so, your workplace is legally bound to accomodate you. If they are an employer of size (I assume if they have an HR they are bound to be), they will have access to what is called an EAP (Employee Assistance Package). Please note this is NOT your health and benefits and there is no connection between the two other than the EAP will draw from your benefits funding.

An EAP is a clearing house persay of resources - like therapy, etc. They can provide you with immediate help, act as a go between with your HR at work (if you so desire), and refer you to programs and therapy. A plan of action will be drawn up for coping with your work and non-work related stress and your employer MUST adhere to this.

My own example is that when I contacted mine years ago they immediately took action. I wasn't even dealing with work related stress rather the stress of a marital breakup which affected my work. So they got me in touch with both a therapist and made appointments with several lawyers for a complimentary consultation. In the meantime, while waiting for these various appointments, the EAP sent out a big box of marvelous coping mechanisms for the short term; candles, relaxation CD, bath salts, lavender essential oil, and a work book pertaining to workplace anxiety. It all was a great experience. Meanwhile my work gave me lighter duties until I was back on track again.

Look into whether your employer will have one. Now a point of note: if you have a health and benefits package you are likely to also have an EAP. It is alarming though that most businesses don't even bother to inform their employees of its existence.

Also of note: Your employer cannot use your divulging of being anxious or some other mental health issue against you. This is the law. As said, they are obligated to accomodate you if you choose to disclose. At no time, unless you have authorised, will an EAP divulge anything back to your employer.

I hope this helps you and any others reading this.

NOW, I recently had to quit my most recent job over stress. Stupidly I was so wound up that when my employer offered to assist and accomodate me I turned them down. I really truly regret this. It was the heat of the moment, I was in the throws of a panic attack and quit on the spot. In retrospect I am really kicking myself for not taking them up on their offer. Poop.

Thank you SO much for this. I noticed you are in Canada. The laws may be different here in the U.S. regarding disclosure and EAP.

I don't know if we have EAP. But I did mention to HR that i have anxiety and depression and then eventually admitted that it has been exacerbated by work.

I do have a regular therapist I see every two weeks. I see her Tuesday. I will also ask her for guidance as well.

That is unfortunate about your own job. I do understand acting in the heat of the moment though, completely. I have done the same at various points.

In fact, I feel or worry that they now think I was just threatening to leave in the heat of the moment.

I worry that I did not get my points across well to HR and to the CEO because I was emotional and high strung: that it's a high burnout role because of the way it's structured, that I don't think we are doing our clients any favors with our ridiculously LONG reports that take a FULL WEEK to write, and that these reports are overkill and are taking away valuable time from developing strategies to help our clients succeed more.

The issue I have with EAP: I have used it once before, and in the U.S., they limit you to 10-12 sessions -- at least in my experience. I have a therapist already I can work with, but it wouldn't hurt to at least look into EAP as a possible option -- thank you!

Originally Posted by golden_eve

Thank you SO much for this. I noticed you are in Canada. The laws may be different here in the U.S. regarding disclosure and EAP.


I don't know if we have EAP. But I did mention to HR that i have anxiety and depression and then eventually admitted that it has been exacerbated by work.


I do have a regular therapist I see every two weeks. I see her Tuesday. I will also ask her for guidance as well.


That is unfortunate about your own job. I do understand acting in the heat of the moment though, completely. I have done the same at various points.


In fact, I feel or worry that they now think I was just threatening to leave in the heat of the moment.


I worry that I did not get my points across well to HR and to the CEO because I was emotional and high strung: that it's a high burnout role because of the way it's structured, that I don't think we are doing our clients any favors with our ridiculously LONG reports that take a FULL WEEK to write, and that these reports are overkill and are taking away valuable time from developing strategies to help our clients succeed more.


The issue I have with EAP: I have used it once before, and in the U.S., they limit you to 10-12 sessions -- at least in my experience. I have a therapist already I can work with, but it wouldn't hurt to at least look into EAP as a possible option -- thank you!

That’s really good your EAP offers 10-12 sessions. Mine only offers 3.

Originally Posted by golden_eve

I am going downhill FAST, I am worried, I am scared and I need help please.


If this thread doesn't belong here, I apologize and please move as you see fit.


Work stress has been building for a few months and has now reached a new height this week. I am not about to walk out or quit, but I went to HR and vocalized my discontent saying I want to leave because of X issue. I have only been there 7 months and am already looking for other jobs. I cannot take the extreme stress or pressure anymore.


My fiance is also facing enormous and mounting stress at work and also physically. He is not well physically or mentally right now. His stress at work is far too great.


Financially, we are beginning to struggle. His finances have dwindled lately -- (he is paid on 100% commission only) and to no fault of his own but due to serious dysfunction within the company. He is looking but cannot afford a pay cut right now either, which is his greatest concern. So I am partially supporting both of us right now, which is a huge strain on me financially and emotionally because I am trying to also save for our wedding/honeymoon.


He is suffering immensely from physical injuries, two of them, plus a sudden onslaught of migraines -- I am very concerned.


We cannot afford time off. We cannot afford the surgery he needs on his shoulder.


We are scheduled to marry in May. Right now I hope it can happen financially for us.


I am not mentally well and am unraveling.


I don't see my therapist until Tuesday. I am not in any danger of harm, I am just not well and do not know how to cope anymore with all this stress coming from multiple directions, impacting our lives, our well-being and our happiness.


Please help -- thank you!!

I know all about work stress and how it can have a terrible effect on your mental, physical and emotional health. I’m sorry you and your fiancé are both going through this at the same time. From my own experience, the best I could do was try and learn from the situation. For me, part of the learning experience is to step back and relax and bit and accept what I can’t control. That’s a life lesson the universe keeps presenting me time and again and I never can seem to get it even though I know it would be for the best. None of us is perfect. We just try to do better. I hope things ease up a bit soon.

thank you, sisabel! we can control what jobs we have so we will both try to get new ones. that's one solution that would resolve a lot here.