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WishfulThinker66
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Default Mar 23, 2019 at 12:46 PM
  #1
I am sure many experience this. Mine is pretty extreme. I stupidly put a vanity plate on my car and now I am paranoid that if my driving isn't perfect a person can easily remember my plate and report me. I drive extra cautious as a result. And then there is my boyfriend, who is a professional driver and road tests commercial drivers as just part of his work duties (safety and compliance officer). There is not a time that he sits in the passenger seat that I don't wonder if he is critiquing my ability. I am extra extra cautious.
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Default Mar 23, 2019 at 01:28 PM
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I'm so sorry you're hurting so much, WishfulThinker66 I'm sure many can relate to what you wrote, especially here on PC. You're definitely not alone in this. It's hard to fight it. Do you see a therapist? Maybe that could help. You could learn new ways to cope with your feelings. Just try to focus on your driving and don't think of anyone else, although I understand it's not easy and I'm sure you're already doing it. There's nothing wrong with driving cautiously, but remember that there's no such thing as a perfect driver! I'm sure you're a perfectly good driver just the way you are. Have you talked to your boyfriend about this? Perhaps he will have some words of encouragement and support for you if you talk to him about this. Just a thought. I'm sure you're a great driver. I hope things will get better soon for you one way or another. Remember that we're here for you if you need it. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. I'm so sorry you have to deal with all of this, WishfulThinker66. You're a strong, wonderful person. Please remember that. You don't deserve to suffer at all
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Default Mar 24, 2019 at 07:24 PM
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Originally Posted by WishfulThinker66 View Post
I am sure many experience this. Mine is pretty extreme. I stupidly put a vanity plate on my car and now I am paranoid that if my driving isn't perfect a person can easily remember my plate and report me. I drive extra cautious as a result. And then there is my boyfriend, who is a professional driver and road tests commercial drivers as just part of his work duties (safety and compliance officer). There is not a time that he sits in the passenger seat that I don't wonder if he is critiquing my ability. I am extra extra cautious.
I'm sorry that you are struggling right now! I scared myself when I tried to learn to drive. I shake really bad!
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Default Mar 24, 2019 at 07:25 PM
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Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky View Post
I'm so sorry you're hurting so much, WishfulThinker66 I'm sure many can relate to what you wrote, especially here on PC. You're definitely not alone in this. It's hard to fight it. Do you see a therapist? Maybe that could help. You could learn new ways to cope with your feelings. Just try to focus on your driving and don't think of anyone else, although I understand it's not easy and I'm sure you're already doing it. There's nothing wrong with driving cautiously, but remember that there's no such thing as a perfect driver! I'm sure you're a perfectly good driver just the way you are. Have you talked to your boyfriend about this? Perhaps he will have some words of encouragement and support for you if you talk to him about this. Just a thought. I'm sure you're a great driver. I hope things will get better soon for you one way or another. Remember that we're here for you if you need it. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. I'm so sorry you have to deal with all of this, WishfulThinker66. You're a strong, wonderful person. Please remember that. You don't deserve to suffer at all
That is great advice! I will keep that in mind!
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Default Mar 25, 2019 at 12:06 AM
  #5
I'm in the same boat with driving anxiety. I didn't come into driving until later in life. I'm in my mid-fifties, and I was 48 before I got my license. And I'm married to a professional driver. I understand about the vanity plate. I didn't want to get one. I also wanted a car that is a nondescript color, not something bright or flashy, so I'm less likely to attract attention.

Anxiety worsens if I have any passenger at all. Not because I'm afraid they might be judging me, but because if something happens, I am responsible for a life other than my own. So far I've never tried driving with children in the car. Not sure I could do it.

Most people complain about slow traffic and getting stopped at a lot of red lights. I actually prefer it. Being able to creep slowly to the next red light gives me a chance to stop, catch my breath, and relax before proceeding. I have certain phrases that I repeat to myself as I drive. One was given to my by another anxious driver. "You don't have to hurry." (To make that even more true, I plan an extra five or ten minutes to get someplace, so I don't feel pressured because I'm going to be late.) If some turkey behind me wants to honk because I'm doing the speed limit and he/she wants to go faster, or because I'm about to turn left and I yield to oncoming traffic first, that's on the turkey behind me. I'm doing the right thing. Let them deal with *their* dysfunctional emotions.

I stick to one lane as much as possible. If I know I'm going to be turning at some point, then I get in that lane as soon as I can, so I don't have to keep changing lanes. I don't weave in and out of traffic like some people do. Why? Because I don't have to hurry.

I also talk to the car as I drive. It's a good anti-anxiety technique. Her name is Tina. I tell her where we're going to go, what the speed limit is, what color the light is up, where there is a stop sign, etc. I may remind her, "No matter what the speed limit is, you can't go any faster than the car in front of you is going." She's a fairly new car. She has lane departure alerts and a backing camera. That helps a lot. If I start to drift out of my lane, she'll beep at me, and I'll thank her for telling me. That happens more and more rarely. If I leave the headlights on, she'll beep at me, and I'll thank her for telling me. That happens rarely too, since I avoid driving at night (poor night vision) and don't often have occasion to use the headlights.

The funny thing is, when I do something well, I have an easier time complimenting *her* than I do myself. We get there, we park, and I'll say, "Good job, Tina," but I don't say "Good job, me."

Last edited by Albatross2008; Mar 25, 2019 at 12:19 AM.. Reason: typos
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Default Mar 25, 2019 at 08:15 PM
  #6
Sorry your struggling so much. I just got my permit two years ago and haven’t really on the road since. Honestly I’m sure your driving is fine and nothing to worry about. I doubt your boyfriend is critiquing your driving, especially being a professional driver, he’s probably just enjoying the time not driving. Of course anxiety can make you feel some strange things like people may be critiquing you. Just do your best and try not worry.
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Default Mar 27, 2019 at 01:22 PM
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Sorry your struggling so much. I just got my permit two years ago and haven’t really on the road since. Honestly I’m sure your driving is fine and nothing to worry about. I doubt your boyfriend is critiquing your driving, especially being a professional driver, he’s probably just enjoying the time not driving. Of course anxiety can make you feel some strange things like people may be critiquing you. Just do your best and try not worry.
I hear you about anxiety attack!
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Default Mar 27, 2019 at 01:52 PM
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Hugs (if ok) .. I usually don’t post much in this forum. I hope my hugs are acceptable. Feel free to ignore them if not.

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Default Mar 30, 2019 at 04:16 PM
  #9
Do you think you would feel less anxious if you got rid of the vanity plate? I haven't put any bumper stickers on my car because I worry about someone identifying me.
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Default Mar 30, 2019 at 09:55 PM
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Do you think you would feel less anxious if you got rid of the vanity plate? I haven't put any bumper stickers on my car because I worry about someone identifying me.
That a great question to ask!
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Default Apr 25, 2019 at 02:50 AM
  #11
I'm glad that I saw your post about Driving anxiety.I'm 36 and got my drivers permit when I was 21 or 22. I took drivers lesson one time and only been behind the wheel once.The only thing that I feel is stopping me from driving is fear of hitting someone or panic for no reason behind the wheel. Reading your post made me feel like I wasn't alone and that still can get my drivers licence no matter what age I am. I have two goals I want to accomplish and driving is one of them.
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Default Apr 25, 2019 at 05:56 PM
  #12
I have the same problem. I am stuck in my house, for all the last winter, because I am terrified of driving. I can drive to the near supermarket though and to the gym that is also nearby my house.

Now, to drive to the Mental Health Clinic where I go for therapist and psychiatrist appointments, I just can not do it at the time. I have to drive for almost 30 minutes and go through the Highway.
I had been practice for months, exposure therapy. Also, DBT and CBT therapist. All that helped me so much. Till one day, about five months ago I just couldn't do it anymore.

I am afraid of having an accident, to hurt some, afraid of people pushing me to go faster because that will trigger a panic attack. Anyways, I used to drive everywhere, I never had to think about it, just go into the car and drive away. My life is not the same anymore, this is my new normal.

So, I will keep practicing all I had learned from CBT and start going to my therapy session no longer than next week. That is my goal, I will keep moving forward after accomplished that one.
As a dear friend I met here like to say, one breath in and one breath out. Together we can do it!

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