Anxious to go to Anxiety Group

I have been attending the local group regularly for over six months now and it was been really wonderful most nights to attend. I feel better and there is additionally a social factor to going.

I haven't though in several weeks. Two previous to that a new participant showed up that quite frankly scares the bejeezies out of me and triggers a great deal of anxiety and PTSD. I feel dreadful and distressed. Even the psych nurses in attendance have shown concern.

The problem? This man has a military bearing. Oh I am not saying he shouldn't be allowed to go. I am the first to stick up for his right to do so; but unfortunately, his attendance means I myself can't.

What is a military bearing? It is really hard to describe but having been it it myself you just know. It is the combination of haircut, location and type of tattoos, and (mostly) just the way they carry themselves. I realise he is probably a pretty nice stand-up guy but the memories he triggers are awful.

This is a shame. I really got a lot out of attending.

Oh wishful I am sorry for this. Its ironic that you are anxious over your anxiety support group- which is what you really benefit from. By military do you mean you were in the military and can recognize it in him and it triggers you? Or is just the idea of anyone in the military triggering for you? I can understand your anxiety. I can sorta relate... I am an alcoholic in recovery and the only requirement for AA is the desire to stop drinking..and duh- people go to AA after having drank, currently drinking, even intoxicated. I am much better at tolerating obviously drunk people but sometimes if the smell is particularly strong I have to move. And then in my head I get resentful...Hrumph! The NERVE of those alcoholics who still drink going to meetings! Seriously though I am very friendly and kind and usually reach out to new people or people that are struggling. Unfortunately where there are substance or mental health issues there will be some people that are sicker than others with things other than alcohol. I have had to stop going to certain meetings because I was so hassled by certain guys- and given unwanted hugs. Even though I stuck out my hand and made it clear I wasnt hugging-some just didnt get it. So I stopped. I figure they might need that meeting more than me, and I had to protect myself. I also had to call the police on a combative, beligerant drunk woman once. Not only did she have a huge suv but it had one of those sheriff's dept stickers so someone in her family was in law enforcement. She stormed out halfway through a meeting after she was asked to be respectful and not rant and stumbled up the steps. She had parked halfway on the side walk. It was a terrible experience.

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Originally Posted by WishfulThinker66 I have been attending the local group regularly for over six months now and it was been really wonderful most nights to attend. I feel better and there is additionally a social factor to going. I haven't though in several weeks. Two previous to that a new participant showed up that quite frankly scares the bejeezies out of me and triggers a great deal of anxiety and PTSD. I feel dreadful and distressed. Even the psych nurses in attendance have shown concern. The problem? This man has a military bearing. Oh I am not saying he shouldn't be allowed to go. I am the first to stick up for his right to do so; but unfortunately, his attendance means I myself can't. What is a military bearing? It is really hard to describe but having been it it myself you just know. It is the combination of haircut, location and type of tattoos, and (mostly) just the way they carry themselves. I realise he is probably a pretty nice stand-up guy but the memories he triggers are awful. This is a shame. I really got a lot out of attending.

Sarahsweets - thank you for your kind and generous reply.

I suppose I should have explained myself further. I spent nine difficult years in the Navy years back. It was not a place to be a woman then - especially in what had traditionally been a man's trade (I was one of the first female diesel mechanics and engineers in the Canadian Navy at the time). Some rather traumatic events happened in addition to the daily bullying and harassment. Unwanted touching - which are sexual assaults by definition - happened repeatedly daily. In addition, both of the men I was married to were Army men who not only were abusive themselves but of no emotional support to the daily ordeal I faced at the time. In fact, they found it humorous. The result is I have very little trust of men that seem the type to me. I feel incredibly vulnerable. I have a need to escape.

Since my time in the military our Country has seen combat in various theatres of war. There are a lot of women and men out there with PTSD from such experience and a lot too with traumas similar to mine. I realise this. I realise they are hurting and have their own rights to a supportive group environment. Unfortunately the warning bells in my head go off. Can I trust this person? Are they going to hurt me (physically or emotionally)? And thus I feel the strong need to protect myself which is a shame as I was really benefiting from the group. I honestly have the best of hopes for this fellow who has begun attending. I feel resentment not personally towards him, just to the situation in general.