Chronic Anxiety with Agoraphobia. I can't get out of my house. - Page 3 - Forums at Psych Central



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Old 04-16-2019, 09:23 PM #21
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Default Re: Chronic Anxiety with Agoraphobia. I can't get out of my house.

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Originally Posted by unaluna View Post
I know, right?? I think i finally raised my self-esteem enough to admit THATS who i want for my avatar. Not so off-topic, i was thinking, now i leave the house when i - lee van cleef! - want to, and i dont worry about not meeting someone else's standards. Even if it means i miss funerals.
That's awesome!
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Old 04-16-2019, 09:36 PM #22
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Talking Re: Chronic Anxiety with Agoraphobia. I can't get out of my house.

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Originally Posted by FearLess47 View Post
A thousand times YAY for going out! I was thinking about you today as I debated in my mind whether I should go out for a walk. I didn't. But I looked out the windows.

You guys are definitely not alone...agoraphobia can come in waves. It was very severe for me 20 years ago. Now I understand it as an anxiety that has grown to a point where it takes over logic. Kind of like you are on a tight rope and you have "whatever you do, don't look down!" repeating in your mind. You might even close your eyes. Then one day open them, look down, and the ground is just inches away after all.

Last weekend I had to go to a mall. At all times I avoid malls. I made my husband take me and I really wanted to just order the thing I needed online. Anyway...we went. I bought the thing. And then 2 days later when I tried it on, it was the wrong size. UUUUUUGGGHHHHHH. I actually considered not saying anything, and not doing anything about it. Then I looked online (where I normally shop) and thought about just buying a new one in the right size. My husband wound up taking me again...I literally said, "Bye (store), see you never again."

LOL. It sounds crazy. But this is the struggle. Right? Something fritzy in us that is powerful. But we are even more powerful.

Small goals. Small things to prove to ourselves that we can. It doesn't mean we always will. But it means that compassion and acceptance are the keys to getting outside...


FearLess47
Hi! I am so happy to hear that you remember me.
What a very wise thing to say " Small goals. Small things to prove to ourselves that we can. It doesn't mean we always will. But it means that compassion and acceptance are the keys to getting outside...


I don't like going to the mall too. But when I really need something, like for a trip, I go to one particular store, check online first, then try the outfits in person. We also have in common "the no willing to return whatever goes wrong to the store" .
I have to push myself to do so, help me to think that I can find something better .... that I can be like everybody else and return my things.

I didn't have agoraphobia before. I was isolating myself for time to time with depression, but I didn't get to this point when for five months my house is the only place I am comfortable to be, day after day I enclose myself in this world of loneliness.

I am a fighter like all of you! We are brave because we live with something no many have to face every single day. Small goals, one day at the time, we keep walking together. Hugs
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Old 04-16-2019, 11:29 PM #23
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Heart Re: Chronic Anxiety with Agoraphobia. I can't get out of my house.

I get it!
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Old 04-17-2019, 06:17 PM #24
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Default Re: Chronic Anxiety with Agoraphobia. I can't get out of my house.

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Originally Posted by FearLess47 View Post
I get it!
I am glad you did

I am devastated, just talked with my older son, we are all survivor of his father emotional abuse. We forgive him but not forget.

I have PTSD because of everything my ex-husband did to me.

One of the reasons I am so afraid is because of that trauma. I have agoraphobia because the world wasn't a safe place for me for many, many years.

I know we should only focus on the present. But at the moment, these feelings of the hanger against him, sadness and real pain for what he had done to us, depression because I never was able to win that battle against him, anxiety because I had been in therapy for years and years and the PTSD still there as a shadow that makes my life so difficult.

I am amazed, that with all that going on I still have hope for better days, I still find a way to laugh and most important I have my sons and my new husband with me.

I will try to drive to the gym on Friday. That is my next goal.
What is yours?

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Old 04-17-2019, 06:51 PM #25
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Default Re: Chronic Anxiety with Agoraphobia. I can't get out of my house.

Hope2010 I started to laugh because I thought your last line said "I will try to drive BY the gym..."

I laughed only because that is something I used to do! And I would still consider driving by an accomplishment.

Your post contains the clues you seek.

It starts by stating some valid fears. That you are not alone in those fears. But also not alone.

Recognition of that "fear" of trauma (thinking about it, reliving it, worrying) creates anxiety, which then makes staying home more safe.

Self awareness that it is in the past, and that you are supported now. (Though not blaming yourself, expecting it to magically disappear, etc. Acknowledging the layers.)

Despite all of this, hope for the future.

A declaration that you will make a small goal.

A call to action for us who get it.

Full circle.

I have/had 17 medical appointments this month...so I am using that as my excuse to hibernate at all other times without apologizing.

Someone mentioned this...and it's really important - Literally step a toe out the door. Then, self check. Breathe. Then try a foot. Pull it back. Self check. Breathe. (Like, it's Tuesday, it's sunny out, I am safe and I am going to stick my foot out the door.) Try it! Be playful.

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Old 04-17-2019, 08:55 PM #26
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Default Re: Chronic Anxiety with Agoraphobia. I can't get out of my house.

Quote:
Originally Posted by FearLess47 View Post
Hope2010 I started to laugh because I thought your last line said "I will try to drive BY the gym..."

I laughed only because that is something I used to do! And I would still consider driving by an accomplishment.

Your post contains the clues you seek.

It starts by stating some valid fears. That you are not alone in those fears. But also not alone.

Recognition of that "fear" of trauma (thinking about it, reliving it, worrying) creates anxiety, which then makes staying home more safe.

Self awareness that it is in the past, and that you are supported now. (Though not blaming yourself, expecting it to magically disappear, etc. Acknowledging the layers.)

Despite all of this, hope for the future.

A declaration that you will make a small goal.

A call to action for us who get it.

Full circle.

I have/had 17 medical appointments this month...so I am using that as my excuse to hibernate at all other times without apologizing.

Someone mentioned this...and it's really important - Literally step a toe out the door. Then, self check. Breathe. Then try a foot. Pull it back. Self check. Breathe. (Like, it's Tuesday, it's sunny out, I am safe and I am going to stick my foot out the door.) Try it! Be playful.

FearLess47
First all, thank you for making me laugh

Yes, I think to acknowledge the many reasons I am like this it is a very healthy step forward in my life.

I had been there many times, now is just another circle of depression showing out as agoraphobia.

I know I have to keep going out, drive, try to tolerate to be in doctors appointments, even though they make me so anxious.
To be honest, I can't stand the small talks and the constant feeling that they don't know about my reality, that I am someone trapped in her own house by this illness.

I can't just go to the dentist and say "be aware that this is the first time I am out and about in a week". Maybe, it will be fine to tell them, why should I be ashamed of something I have not control over. I didn't ask to have agoraphobia,

I have to make an appointment for mammography. Another for my primary care doctor. Another one with a physical therapist. Of course the dentist too.

You had been in 17 medical appointments this month. We can say that you win this one!

How was your doctor appointment today? the one for your spine.

I hope that went well. Hugs and thank you for this:
Literally, step a toe out the door. Then, self check. Breathe. Then try a foot. Pull it back. Self-check. Breathe.
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Old 04-17-2019, 11:10 PM #27
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Default Re: Chronic Anxiety with Agoraphobia. I can't get out of my house.

Hope2010,

Baby steps! But they add up to so much if we keep chipping away at it...I still get struck by periods of agoraphobia. We live in a city and as you mentioned, it can be a blessing to live in the city because you are in the midst of others living their lives. I can walk out the front door and even just walk a block...and inside I am saying Yay me, for participating with life.

We have stairs in our building. I love walking up them. It seems to clear the cobwebs for my brain, especially when I need to get "out" of the house but I don't want to leave the building. I've made it a little ritual. For each flight up I say something I'm grateful for.

Today I had a 9-month post surgery spine xray. I am growing bone! Not a lot. But more than 3 months ago. Baby steps there, too. Tomorrow I have PT. Friday and Saturday will be all day trainings I signed up for when I was feeling better. I am dreading it now. But I always remind myself, "This will be a memory some day."

Next week, 5 appointments. Eeks! I do not going either. Getting there. Parking. The check in progress. Small talk. Lots of staring into my eyes. I find it hard to stay present but again...knowing it will be a memory soon seems to help calm the dread.

We will march through these appointments together!

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Old 04-18-2019, 04:28 PM #28
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Default Re: Chronic Anxiety with Agoraphobia. I can't get out of my house.

Quote:
Originally Posted by FearLess47 View Post
Hope2010,

Baby steps! But they add up to so much if we keep chipping away at it...I still get struck by periods of agoraphobia. We live in a city and as you mentioned, it can be a blessing to live in the city because you are in the midst of others living their lives. I can walk out the front door and even just walk a block...and inside I am saying Yay me, for participating with life.

We have stairs in our building. I love walking up them. It seems to clear the cobwebs for my brain, especially when I need to get "out" of the house but I don't want to leave the building. I've made it a little ritual. For each flight up I say something I'm grateful for.

Today I had a 9-month post surgery spine xray. I am growing bone! Not a lot. But more than 3 months ago. Baby steps there, too. Tomorrow I have PT. Friday and Saturday will be all day trainings I signed up for when I was feeling better. I am dreading it now. But I always remind myself, "This will be a memory some day."

Next week, 5 appointments. Eeks! I do not going either. Getting there. Parking. The check in progress. Small talk. Lots of staring into my eyes. I find it hard to stay present but again...knowing it will be a memory soon seems to help calm the dread.

We will march through these appointments together!

FearLess47
I hope your appointment went well. I am glad to know that you are growing bone and go to Physical Therapist. Baby steps as you said so

You have 5 appointments next week and I didn't call to make appointments yet. I guess will take me a little longer than I was expected.
But as we all know, I have to go, so procrastinating is just delaying the inevitable

I am glad you live in the city. I would be doing the same as you if I was ...
My neighborhood is a typical residential area, it is so beautiful but you don't see people often. When I see them, all are walking they dogs, I don't have any animal ( I can't commit to taking good care of them so I don't ) so I felt so lonely when I walk around the ring of my townhome.

My Therapist said to me, why about thinking in the beauty of the place, look at the trees, the birds, feel the sun .... So, I have to do that again now that spring is finally here in Minnesota where I live. To be honest, I don't want to walk around, it is one of the things that frighten me

One more thing to pass over and do it!

My husband is home today, I am not working, disable that is what I am now, I literally can't work for years now. That is something that I can't overcome. I do accept that it is not my fault. I didn't ask for all these mental illness. But I look at all the other people making a living but I just can not.

Of course, I have to think of "what I can do". That is not a problem at all for me.
My problem is the uncertainty of what is going to happen if my husband can't work anymore. How Am I going to help us?

So now, with agoraphobia, I feel more helpless than usually.

Because of that, I keep myself very busy to "Be Present".
With that attitude, I can pass the hours without feeling so miserable.

If someone else passes by, please leave your comment. We are all in this together.

FearLess47, I am having you in my thoughts, sending you good vibes so you can have a good evening after your day out at the doctor's appointment.

We will march through these appointments together!
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Old 04-18-2019, 07:42 PM #29
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Default Re: Chronic Anxiety with Agoraphobia. I can't get out of my house.

Love this, Hope2010! Even though I would never wish any of this on anyone...I understand. I'm still working on the guilt and shame of being "this way"...I know it hinders my progress sometimes and I am so hard on myself inside. My outsides don't match with my insides at all.

My appointment got canceled this morning! So I did not leave the house. I did sit on the deck for a few minutes to watch the 5PM traffic and "be in the world."

FearLess47 <---trying to take my own advice
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Old 04-19-2019, 11:25 PM #30
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Default Re: Chronic Anxiety with Agoraphobia. I can't get out of my house.

Quote:
Originally Posted by FearLess47 View Post
Love this, Hope2010! Even though I would never wish any of this on anyone...I understand. I'm still working on the guilt and shame of being "this way"...I know it hinders my progress sometimes and I am so hard on myself inside. My outsides don't match with my insides at all.

My appointment got canceled this morning! So I did not leave the house. I did sit on the deck for a few minutes to watch the 5PM traffic and "be in the world."

FearLess47 <---trying to take my own advice
Hi! I wasn't here yesterday night. I did think about you and your appointment. To bad, it got canceled.

I am very sleepy, tired even in a day like today when I didn't do much.

I definitely have to learn over and over again to love myself.

I think a lot of the past, that is not good at all. I have all these traumatic experience that are like shadows through my days. I have to shake myself from them, be present so I can move forward to one more hour, hours, a day and so on ...

Let's keep walking together
I wish you a very good weekend! Hugs
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