Anxiety and social phobia that is making me hopeless

I'm not sure if this is the right place to post. I'm posting here for general anxiety and possible social phobia.

I have a lot of trouble dealing with people. The problem is that it's making my life very hard and I see no perspective anymore.

When I say dealing with people, it includes talking even very basic things that are necessary to daily living. If I have to ask an information, to buy something, to ask for help, to deal with necessary doccumentation, etc. I feel extremely anxious just by having to do that, especially if is something new (I mean something I'm not used to do). And usually don't go well because whenever I try I end up not being able to speak anything I want to and then I feel very anxious after that and wanting to die , I can't sleep. It's a horrible feeling. I can't even take a bus, I don't have the courage to ride a bus because I feel like I'm going to get lost somewhere. And then probably unable to go back since I don't even talk properly with people.

I don't have my parents with me anymore. I lost them both when I was 14. My father commited suicide after my mother's death. Ever since I have becoming even worse, but even when my parents were alive I was not good with people. But at least I had them so it wasn't bad back then.
I had lived with my brothers ever since, but they are moving on with their lives and they don't want to deal with me anymore and now I'm left to survive by myself but I literally don't know what to do, since I can barely talk with people. And ever attempt so far have failed.

I don't work and now have little money left (that my father left me) and after that I probably going to live in the streets. I'm always anxious and suicidal. I think of suicide every single day. I had lost desire to do anything I used to like and now I mostly spend my days in bed waiting for the time I sleep. Often researching about suicide.
I eat very little too, trying to spare money. And to be honest, lately I feel good not eating, it feels like an escape if nothing works I might die quickly and also make me feel more tired and a little more calm than usual (less anxiety as my mind become a little more vague). I can sleep better this way and sleeping is the only thing I look forward to.

I'm feeling sad, lonely, anxious, hopeless. I'm also having some healthy problems that cause me some pain (which has also been a little relieved by the lack of eating as they are most digestive problems). I want to die badly but mostly because I don't see any solution. Whatever I think it includes to do a lot of things that for me is very hard and I have no one I can't count on for help, since I have no friends in real life. And life hasn't been good anymore, because nothing I do bring me joy anymore. Sometimes I dream I'm doing things I like and when waking up I can remember how good it used to be, but in real life it doesn't matter if I try to have fun. I don't feel good and I can't concentrate on anything anymore.

I'm not sure if I have social phobia. I feel a lot like I might have autism. There is a lot of things I identify with autism. And rather than being scared of people I feel like I'm scared of new situations and breaking of routine. And due to being very anxious lately, and never been guided on a normal life since I have been alone most of my life, I'm lost. But I posted here because I'm not sure since I have never been diagnosed.
But I feel anxious all day, and towards everything I do. Except when I'm sleeping. Sometimes I even feel a little good after waking up. It doesn't last more than half a hour though.

Sorry if this post was confusing, I'm bad at expressing myself well and I don't talk much with people even on the internet. So I have trouble expressing myself clearly.

Hello Mistyms: Thank you for sharing your struggle. I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to Psych Central.

In addition to the anxiety forum, there's also the social anxiety sub-forum. Here's a link just in case you haven't already noticed it:

https://psychcentralforums.com/socia...ective-mutism/

You mentioned struggling with suicidal thoughts. So here's a link to an article, from Psych Central's archives, that talks about how to survive suicidal thoughts:

How to Survive Suicidal Thoughts

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

Don't feel alone with how you're living. My life has been very similar and I'm seriously considering killing myself. Hopelessness is a common cause of suicide. I have the same panic, anxiety and depression instead of happy enjoyable experiences.
Don't feel that death is your only option. There are people that have value in life. You are probably one of them.

I'm old now and mostly forgotten. I want to blow myself up.

Mistyms,
Your situation would make anyone feel anxious and hopeless. The only solution I see to your situation is trying to find a job which, I know, must be so tough when you have social anxiety.

I am concerned you are not eating and that you are running out of money. There are drugs out there that can ease your anxiety and depression. I know with your money running out that it may not make sense to you to spend money on a psychiatrist/pharmacist (in some countries--you can go directly to a pharmacist for a prescription) but desperate times call for doing something different. When my job ended and my husband was unemployed, I stopped taking my antidepressant and made the biggest mistake of my life. Also, IMO, you should consider using the last of your money to eat well so you can think of how to get out of your situation. I know someone who is autistic and antianxiety/an antidepressant drug does help her alot.

I am not trying to blame you for you situation, only hoping that you consider what I have suggested since you are is such a bad situation.

Sorry for the loss of both your parents when you were young. Hope you can get a job with little social interaction such as stocking store shelves, doing yard work, filing papers, and there are many more I’m sure. Please don’t go on alone and ask for help.