Who knows?

This may seem out of place? Or maybe it isn't? Who knows? I'm officially diagnosed with anxiety disorder and chronic ptsd. Do I necessarily believe this entirely? No. Then again, do I know how to voice it when speaking to a psychiatrist? Definitely not. My wife goes with me to all my appointments and basically is in charge of it. Regardless of what my plans are for saying prior to stepping in the door, my thoughts completely drop once I step inside. A switch turns off and I forget what words I'm supposed to use. Granted, that's how all my conversations are but these are usually rehearsed in my mind. I have a horrible memory overall. Literally, my childhood is nonexistent.

I have a very difficult time in public situations. Sometimes, I I'm able to remove myself while sometimes I become faint and clammy leading to an attack. I do have some PTSD triggers but my concerns, in my opinion, go deeper than that. My marriage is strained because of ups and down that are difficult to explain to the psychiatrist because he's stuck on a diagnosis of anxiety and PTSD. My anger will last for a week at a time and will be very bad. My mind will race, will take on an obscene amount of projects and spend tons of money that will only mean something a week later when I'm at the other end, extremely depressed about everything, to the point of suicidal thoughts. I'm surprised I'm still married but she's very devoted to helping me through this.

I'm glad that she is helping you. you are right, she sounds really devoted (I need someone like that in my life)

you have us too

hugs

Definitely not out of place, no worries there.

I'd suggest writing down things prior to your appointments. Obviously having your wife speak for you during your therapy sessions isn't a healthy way of healing, even if she is just trying to help. But I get the feeling of having so many things you want to say and talk about, but then walking into the room and just blanking completely. Therapy is very much something where you get more out of it when you put more into it.

A journal to just write stuff down in whenever it occurs is a good place to start. If you'd rather do a regular nightly writing session that could help too. I'm definitely not a professional by any means, this is just something I found to help me out when I had a similar situation.

Wishing you the best!

Yeah, I know it probably won't "heal" me, assuming that is even possible, in its respect. My issue are the very questions posed. If someone asks me, "how are you doing"?, my brain fails to process the words to communicate them. If the psychiatrist asks how a medication has affected my mood over the course of a month, that seems relative to me so I freeze. Normally, at this point my wife offers how she sees her viewpoint of my actions as it relates to that medication. Asking how I 'feel' seems moot simply because I don't often feel emotions as everyone seems to enjoy them. My psychiatrist wants me to try either individual or group psychotherapy for my rage and intrusive thoughts but I can't convince myself to do this because I have a difficult time speaking in these situations. It would be a stalemate and/or possible anxiety inducing.

I mean yeah, it won't immediately heal you, but that doesn't mean little steps toward something better are a bad idea. Just because it won't wipe away everything doesn't mean it's not worth doing.

In general, I always think that therapy is a good idea. It's not a one-size-fits all thing. Luckily, there's plenty of different types and methods, so it's easier to find something that works. I always found psychiatrist appointments to be super clinical and impersonal, and it doesn't work for me. But if you find yourself getting stuck with those very general questions, then therapy might be easier to ask you questions that lead into what you're really feeling. I know it probably sounds terrifying, but I promise not all therapy situations are the same. I'm also not telling you it's something you have to do, just a good idea to consider.

I'm pretty sure there's a subforum on here about therapy specifically. That might be a good place to ask if you're curious.