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Ravenhairedwolf
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Default Aug 07, 2019 at 07:19 PM
  #1
I recently developed a rare phobia that has brought me to nearly being suicidal. Over the last two months I’ve been struck with a terrible, persistent fear of choking or food going down the wrong pipe. If you would have asked me three months ago if I thought I’d ever have this fear I would have laughed. I have struggled with my weight and overeating my entire life. I have always been a little “chubby” since the age of 10. I am a fast eater and was always the first one to finish their food. I adore culinary arts and cooking. My kitchen is full of spices and cook books and the first thing I have always asked my boyfriend when I get home is “Are you hungry?” Like, I can’t stress enough how out of character it is for me to have this phobia right now. I adore food. I love cooking and bringing people together and right now I can’t do that. Even thinking about restaurants makes me so sad.

Sadly, I feel I’m losing a huge part of myself. That’s also not a pun about the weight loss. I mostly persist on protein shakes and smoothies now. I hate sweets and I desperately want a slice of pizza or a sandwich. I feel nauseas downing these sweet meal replacement drinks every time I know I have to eat. The worries about what my life will be like are constant. I worry my boyfriend will leave me because of this even though he supports me. I beat myself up every time I see him going out to eat with other people and I can’t go. I have actually cried from the panic attacks I’m having lately and I’m not a crier. Over all, I feel weak, ashamed, hopeless and utterly terrified about the future. I feel alone and completely isolated. People at work are complimenting me for being leaner now and I pretend I’m just eating “healthy”. And I hate that I hate going out to eat now because it was always my favorite thing to do.

On the other side, I am making progress slowly. I am in a much better place than I was a month ago. I’m in therapy and spending all my money on the best therapist I could find. We’re only two session in but I start EMDR treatment next week. She’s really given me hope and helped me realize I created this fear and I can get over it. But it still bums me out when the dark thoughts visit me and say “You are so weird. This is why no one wants you. You can’t even go to dinner.” I have HUGE dreams and goals and I worry if I can’t even eat how I’ll do any of that. But I know worrying about the future is pointless and harmful.

I am in a stronger place and ignoring my intrusive thoughts. I do believe I will overcome this and I even believe I’ll overcome it soon. I know my anxiety is just lying to me. But I admit not feeling crazy feels really nice at this time in my life. I was curious if anyone could share success stories with getting over their phobia or especially this one. Tips on fast recovery would also be nice. I am just tired of focusing on worries and I think I could really use some inspiration.

Sadly, there’s no support or even that much information about this issue online so it’s hard to find people who have beat this.
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Default Aug 08, 2019 at 12:49 AM
  #2
Why have you developed this phobia? I have always feared on choking, especially on pills. Two months ago I was taking a large pill, and it actually stuck in my throat, but then made its way through the esophagus. However, I wasn't sure about that, and I felt it was still stuck in my throat. After 8-9 hours of this persisting feeling, I went to the ER and I did an X-ray, and everything was clear, and the doctor told me I probably just scratched the back of my throat. After that incident for 2 weeks I started to have panic attacks at night that I am choking and I felt shortness of breath whenever I ate anything, and I went to the ER a couple of times because of that. I think this was a reaction to the trauma of not swallowing the pill correctly exaggerated by my anxiety. Now I feel better, but started to be very cautious when eat, and avoid food that may have sharp part, like fish with bones (I have always been afraid of fish bones, but I was eating it nonetheless), and recently I started to be afraid for example of dropping some egg shell when I make scrambled egg. I also keep chewing food for a long time sometimes, especially when I suspect something, like making sure to chew an almond very well before swallowing it. So, yes, I have this phobia of choking on food and pills, but it's less severe than yours. I still eat, but certain foods makes me more anxious than others.
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WishfulThinker66
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Default Aug 08, 2019 at 09:57 AM
  #3
I feel for you. While I personally do not have such a fear, my husband has it for other people. I am unsure what you would call this phobia. He is very fearful those around him might be choking. The slightest cough I or others make while eating and he is on alert and overly concerned and even frightened. I have gotten in the habit of having to give him a thumbs up on such occasions. When we eat out he gets visibly anxious if he hears someone across the room cough.

This obsession and vigilance he has however has in fact saved a life.

Your worry is no joke. I can appreciate the concern you have and sympathize with the anxiety which is affecting your life.

Are there things though that can do to lessen this fear? Perhaps if you learned how to self-save? One can perform the Heimlich maneouvre on themselves easily and successfully. Would learning this maybe increase your confidence?
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Ravenhairedwolf
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Default Aug 08, 2019 at 04:47 PM
  #4
Quote:
Originally Posted by WishfulThinker66 View Post
I feel for you. While I personally do not have such a fear, my husband has it for other people. I am unsure what you would call this phobia. He is very fearful those around him might be choking. The slightest cough I or others make while eating and he is on alert and overly concerned and even frightened. I have gotten in the habit of having to give him a thumbs up on such occasions. When we eat out he gets visibly anxious if he hears someone across the room cough.

This obsession and vigilance he has however has in fact saved a life.

Your worry is no joke. I can appreciate the concern you have and sympathize with the anxiety which is affecting your life.

Are there things though that can do to lessen this fear? Perhaps if you learned how to self-save? One can perform the Heimlich maneouvre on themselves easily and successfully. Would learning this maybe increase your confidence?

Thank you for the kind words. And I’m sorry to hear your husband deals with a similar phobia. I truly would not wish this phobia on my worst enemy. It’s easily the worst manifestation of my mental illness I’ve ever dealt with and I worry about it all day. I took your advice and looked up ways to perform the Heimlich on myself and it did give me a bit of confidence eating. Unfortunately, I also read lots of comments about people choking on various foods and got a little triggered. I am just really eager to see my therapist next Friday but two weeks of waiting has been really challenging. I cry a little inside anytime I hear people talk about food or I smell food. I’m a huge foodie and I feel like I’ve been gutted of a huge part of me. But I definitely will be posting updates of my progress with EMDR. I’ve read case studies on its treatment of choking phobias and the results a pretty miraculous. I’m just so impatient! Lol
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Default Aug 17, 2019 at 05:26 AM
  #5
I have choked on chicken about 18 times and I have had to go to the hospital 5 times to have the food scoped out. I have a condition called Didmotillady syndrome* You have the phobia, I have the reality. I take Domperidone to help my narrow food pipe . . its smaller than it should be.

*Dysmotility syndrome: A vague, descriptive term used to describe diseases of the muscles of the gastrointestinal tract (esophagus, stomach, small and large intestines) in which the muscles do not work normally (hence the term dysmotility).

I think you should work with your therapist about why this is happening and be grateful that it doesnt happen to you.
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Goforward
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Default Aug 19, 2019 at 03:00 PM
  #6
When I was going through a divorce and menopause I had a problem with aspirating fluids. It was frightening. I ended up going on something for it for awhile. I haven't had that problem for a long time thank goodness.
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