Extreme alienation

I’m feeling extremely alienated from the world right now and it’s freaking me out. I am feeling like such a freak and like my life has no meaning. I am afraid that I lost my chance at a meaningful life years ago because I didn’t work hard enough and now I don’t know what to do.

Better late than never.You can still make your life meaningful.Today is the day to do so.

I feel so distant from people as well. This might be as much of an existential thing as anything. An acute feeling of just how alone each one of us truly is our own heads and in the universe.

Try to be your own best friend.Do some selfsoothing.Increase your own value.I know how the world can be.Much love to you.

Don't beat yourself up. Today is a new day. You can do it.

No, my friend, what you have caught a brief glimpse of is the Pattern. The mind is a finite thing, and cannot comprehend the infinite. I will save you a long and painful journey.

We are one. Yes, we have the illusion of individuality, we are all connected. But nothing is new under the sun--that is a literal truth. We've experienced this life over and over so many times we get de ja vous because we remember past lives in past aeons, or cycles of the universe being birthed, living, and dying, and being reborn again. And because Roger Penrose, a contemporary of Stephen Hawking, had his Conformal Cyclic Cosmology model of the universe recently proven correct through math that is far beyond my ken, it means that the universe itself repeats over and over in aeons. Basically, it showed that the end of the universe looks exactly like the moment before the big bang, mathematically. This holds true because it's a fractal pattern, and we live in a binary universe of positive and negative. Nature, the universe itself, expands in fractal patterns, and those patterns repeat in subtle variations over and over, infinitely. (Incidentally, this was also proven by the Banach-Tarski paradox as well as Benoit Mandelbrot's mathematics). So we've already had this conversation an infinite number of times in the past, and we will have them an infinite number of times in the future, in an infinite number of variations.

So, hello again, my friend!

Yes, I've obsessed over this, and logicked out that if all of that is true, the universe itself is alive because it is more than the sum of it's parts. Ah, but how, you ask? Recent studies (that I am too tired and borderline falling asleep to look up) showed that schools of fish develop inexplicable higher intelligence in larger numbers that falls apart where the group disperses. I believe the same thing is happening with humans as our numbers come together and hit a critical mass where we get this shift in intelligence that is greater than if we stood alone, despite our individuality. Same thing in all of nature. While entropy and the second law of thermodynamics says that everything falls apart (and that is a terribly gross misstatement of it, but there it is) and dissipates into chaos, nature, or something, is doing the exact opposite in the universe to force it to get more organized. Hence, evolution. Scientists are now more convinced than ever that there was some early manipulation of the universe on an unimaginable scale to tweak the variables to ensure life formed. It is the only thing that explains the math, and the math never lies.

My best guess is the universe is alive because every solar system is a giant circuit of electrical energy comprised of ions flowing around, which are charged particles, and the EM fields given off by the planetary bodies. This is just beginning to be researched at NASA in the last decade or two, and probably is one of the reasons for HAARP's existence. Think about it. Trillions of planetary systems--quadrillions. Hell, octillions. The universe is massive. The point is, same thing with our neurons. Same thing with fish. That energy becomes alive and takes on a higher intelligence than can be accounted for by the summation of the individual parts, down to the tiniest particle..

Everything is a mirror of everything else. This was perfectly illustrated in the show opener of the simpsons where it zoomed out of the house into space farther and father until it looked like atoms and then DNA and out of the top of Homer's head again. Hence, we are all one. You are a part of my universe and I am in yours. Thus, you are me, and I am you, but we are also individual only in this frequency bandwidth of reality (best metaphor I could come up with; I'm falling asleep so sue me).

The universe is a lot stranger than we are capable of imagining.

I fight that feeling often. I just try to remind myself that other people’s opinions of me, my life, and my kids are irrelevant. I live with myself 24/7! I know who I am! So the only opinion that matters about who I am and what I do is mine! On the other hand lol...
I hide from the world because even though I’m empathetic and care about people (and want to help them) I don’t really like them or being around them....if that makes any sense. I’m strange I know 🙄