Partner fingernail picking anxiety

My wife of 23 years is a chronic fingernail picker. It has always bothered me, but it's got to a point where I can't sleep in the same bed. If she starts my anxiety skyrockets immediately. I lie in bed and get super sensitive, waiting for it to start, anticipating and not sleeping.


It doesn't bother other people, she can't stop and I think there should be a way for me to short-circuit my response. I just haven't been able to find it yet.


Does anyone have any ideas how I can live with this?

Hello Jamiere: I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to Psych Central. I'm sorry I don't think I have any magic answers to offer you with regard to the problem you describe. But I can appreciate what you're experiencing. I've always been acutely sensitive to sounds particularly the sort of thing you describe.

We live in a townhome complex & we have a neighbor with whom we share a common wall. She seems to come alive just about the time we're trying to go to sleep at night. She has wood floors. And she wears hard-soled shoes inside. So whenever she's walking around she sounds like a horse walking across a wooden bridge! Every night when I go to bed I'm on alert just waiting for the clop, clop, clop to begin.

Perhaps the obvious answer to your dilemma (short of sleeping in separate rooms) is to use earplugs; or, if you can, play some sort of quiet music or "white noise" to mask your wife's picking. (There's lots of stuff on YouTube for this sort of thing much of it uploaded for people who have ear conditions such as tinnitus which, as it happens, is something I have.) And then, beyond that, I suspect it may be a matter of "training" yourself to accept & "live with" the sound. This might include practicing some variety of breathing technique.

Here are links to 7 articles, from Psych Central's archives, that may be of interest. These articles don't address your specific situation. But hopefully you will be able to use some of the suggestions they offer to create a coping strategy for yourself:

Living with Extreme Sound Sensitivity

Do Your Kids Hate the Sound of People Eating? Learn About Misophonia.

3 Deep Breathing Exercises to Reduce Anxiety

3 Breathing Techniques for Coping With Anxiety | M(ill)ennial: A Perspective on Mental Illness

4 Breathing Exercises to Reduce Your Stress Right Now

https://psychcentral.com/lib/5-mind-...nxiety-relief/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/relaxa...ent-tried-yet/

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

P.S. Here's a link to an "Ask the Therapist" column, also from PC's archives, on the subject of skin picking. Ultimately the best solution to your problem may, of course, be for your wife to learn to stop picking:

https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-the...eling-picking/

Thank you for your considered reply.

I'll look at some practical solutions like earplugs. I listen to podcasts sometimes which helps. Perhaps an audio meditation may be a good solution as well.

She knows how it affects me and has tried many times to stop. Luckily we can talk it through and understand how each other are feeling.

I know it affects me more when I'm stressed. So I'll continue to work on my responses and state of mind.

Thanks again. What a great resource this site is