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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Jan 2018
Location: United States
Posts: 1,639
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#1
feeling rejected because people don't like me. I'm not looking for pity. It's just how I feel. And maybe they don't like me. Maybe I rub them the wrong way. But why? Why do I do this?? why is my personality so wrong in some people's eyes?
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*Beth*, AnAnxiousDude, AzulOscuro, downandlonely, Fuzzybear, Purple,Violet,Blue, SlumberKitty, Yzen
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Magnate
Member Since Apr 2016
Location: North America
Posts: 2,168
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#2
I feel like I don't belong sometimes and it has made me wonder about people liking me. I guess I know they aren't rejecting me. I think it is more that I am sensitive to them overlooking or ignoring me. It makes me feel I don't belong.
I think you are very likeable. |
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AnAnxiousDude, downandlonely, Fuzzybear, giddykitty, Purple,Violet,Blue
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giddykitty
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Jan 2018
Location: United States
Posts: 1,639
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#3
Awe! Thanks @Yzen ! Back at cha!
Yeah, feeling like I don't belong or that I'm saying weird things...and I've been rejected before and it was by people I liked and that hurt...i just get this anxiety, like you said, when I feel ignored or... get corrected. It's like in high school with the popular kids vs. the ... fill in the blank. Lol like seriously, where do I belong? (You don't have to answer. That was rhetorical) |
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AnAnxiousDude, downandlonely, Fuzzybear, Purple,Violet,Blue, Yzen
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Yzen
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Magnate
Member Since Apr 2016
Location: North America
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#4
I sometimes say things that are weird. I hope people don't reject me because of it. Some people judge others quickly; others don't think anything about it. I've been surprised before by people that seemed to reject me but later act like they're a good friend. I guess it is difficult to tell what others really think.
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AnAnxiousDude, downandlonely, Fuzzybear, giddykitty, Purple,Violet,Blue
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giddykitty
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Jan 2018
Location: United States
Posts: 1,639
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#5
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Purple,Violet,Blue, Yzen
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Nov 2014
Location: Spain ( the land of flowers and gladness, lol!)
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#6
I’ve been living all my life with the same feeling and thoughts about people rejecting me. I neither wonder or test myself, it’s “my fate” “ my truth”. From my knowledge what it fails is that you are the first who doesn’t like yourself. Maybe you are being very hard on yourself when you sort of think you failed or made a mistake.
There are people who are popular, they tend to be liked by many people because of his/her extrovert personality, they have social skills. Perhaps you are not in that group, so I’m not. Maybe, we don’t even need it. But I can assure you that your lack of self-confidence and insecurities are playing bad games with you. But, hey...you must know that, right? The solution is not easy. I’m still dealing with it. Self-care and self-love and being compassionate with yourself helps. Perhaps, you will have your down moments, your doubtful moments, let yourself even these moments. You have the right to not feeling well or confident in some moments. Let yourself even this fact. Ever made therapy to treat this issue? __________________ Social Anxiety and Depression. Cluster C traits. Trying to improve my English. My apologies for errors and mistakes in advance. Mankind is complex: Make deserts blossom and lakes die. ( GIL SCOTT-HERSON) |
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giddykitty
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#7
I say really weird things too, and it's sense to me but nonsense to others. One person in my life just won't let go of her thinking that I'm out of touch, and tries really hard to embarrass me. Her tactics are juvenile. She's in her 50s. Most people are thinking about their own concerns and whatever I've said is quickly forgotten. I don't like it when people use my strange off days to make me feel foolish or inferior, sometimes with their "bless your heart" pretend kindnesses. I try to think that I must be the one who feels that I don't belong, and I really don't know what others are thinking about unless they tell me.
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Fuzzybear, giddykitty, Purple,Violet,Blue
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Jan 2018
Location: United States
Posts: 1,639
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#8
Quote:
As for therapy, yes I have talked about these issues and she kinda told me the same thing you did. It's in my head! Lol but it wasn't that one time! I know i know. I can't logically feel that everyone is like that. Perhaps they had their own issues. It's still something I have to work on though and if I feel I'm getting too annoying, I take breaks so that I don't make situations worse by becoming too needy. If that makes sense. I'm glad I've found a safe space to share this though. |
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Anonymous42227, Fuzzybear, Purple,Violet,Blue
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Nov 2014
Location: Spain ( the land of flowers and gladness, lol!)
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#9
It’s very hard to convince yourself of the opposite to what you are thinking and feeling. Especially because we tend to project in our future our past experiences. Some of them, remembered and lived as negative.
How to get rid of them, right? Taking some distance and looking at them as objectively as possible and trying to look for an explanation as objective as posible. Everyone, everyone, you, I and your neighbour whoever he is, is gonna screw things up. In any relation, there are two parties, and both parties bring up their prejudices, needs, flaws and virtues, complexes, personality. Maybe it has to do with something you have to fix but maybe it’s more about the other person. You, I don’t have any doubt, are a precious human being with lots of to offer and live. It’s good to learn and do personal learning and development, it makes all better persons but don’t get your sight apart on your own worthy, needs, rights. Ever did your psychologist train you in mindfulness and self-compassion? It helped me a lot to be less hard on myself and cope with difficult situations. Even with a terrible one, my dad’s passing away. __________________ Social Anxiety and Depression. Cluster C traits. Trying to improve my English. My apologies for errors and mistakes in advance. Mankind is complex: Make deserts blossom and lakes die. ( GIL SCOTT-HERSON) |
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Fuzzybear, giddykitty, Purple,Violet,Blue
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Nov 2014
Location: Spain ( the land of flowers and gladness, lol!)
Posts: 3,825
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#10
Don’t forget either that some people are very judgemental towards others and I believe you when you say you maybe did things that weren’t very welcome by others but you didn’t notice it.
I’m the master of this. I used to be so picky and bossy and lacking of social skills. I look at myself now and I know I wasn’t aware of my mistakes. Everyone make decisions and do things because of a purpose. Some people are ready to understand this and others, they are focused on their own business and can’t give more. __________________ Social Anxiety and Depression. Cluster C traits. Trying to improve my English. My apologies for errors and mistakes in advance. Mankind is complex: Make deserts blossom and lakes die. ( GIL SCOTT-HERSON) |
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Fuzzybear, giddykitty, Purple,Violet,Blue
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giddykitty
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Jan 2018
Location: United States
Posts: 1,639
6 3,229 hugs
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#11
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Jan 2018
Location: United States
Posts: 1,639
6 3,229 hugs
given |
#12
Quote:
Um, actually I did have another therapist that started working DBT with me (basically mindfulness), but I think I learned more just from Google searches. |
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#13
It makes a lot of sense to me! Finding the boundaries can be a painful, trial-and-error process. Dismissive people can really hurt, too. In my own situations with this, I have tried to erase my allegorical fingerprints from activities and groups in which I bumbled my way and failed to make friends. I leave and try again with the feedback of what not to do, but with a different group and maybe a new nickname. I'm glad to hear that you take breaks and use your intuition, instead of rejecting yourself out of the group before knowing if they really would.
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giddykitty
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giddykitty
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Jan 2018
Location: United States
Posts: 1,639
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#14
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#15
Things do eventually get better with keeping on trying! I am fairly successful and appreciated in the choir group I'm in currently. New people, six months now, employing what I've learned.
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giddykitty
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giddykitty
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Wisest Elder Ever
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#16
I'm sending hugs. We like you here
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giddykitty
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giddykitty
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New Member
Member Since Jan 2020
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#17
I feel the same way a lot of the time. I have to remind myself that I'm just a different type of personality, and that my way isn't wrong- it's just not the same as others. It is hard, though, when I'm feeling like I'm always on the outside looking in. Fitting in seems effortless for other people, but it isn't for me and I've come to accept that it is okay, and I'm okay. Looking into personalities really helped me- I found out that my type is more rare, so it's a simple case of being an unusual person (and so it's harder to find people I click with).
Most online tests aren't super accurate (they're just a basic quiz that can be affected by mood, etc), but lengthy research into MBTI and the different functions really helped me be confident about my quirks. I can't post links yet because I'm new, but if you google "MBTI," lots of resources come up. 16 Personalities is a good one. |
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giddykitty
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giddykitty
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New Member
Member Since Jan 2020
Location: Singapore
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#18
Very good suggestions.
I understand how you feel. Sometimes the outside world looks tough, and it is not easy to inverse the wheel and start feeling good and normal again. I am with you like many other posters on this forum. If you can, love yourself a little more and reach out if you need support. Last edited by bluekoi; Jan 26, 2020 at 09:04 PM.. Reason: merge posts |
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giddykitty
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giddykitty
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Junior Member
Member Since Nov 2019
Location: New York, USA
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#19
Being rejected allows you to improve. Don't worry about it too much, buddy. Sooner or later, you'll have someone that will accept you for who you are.
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