Freaking out

First time using this so I’m not sure if I’m posting this in the right area so 🤷*♂️
Anyway, last Summer for the first time I had an out of body experience. Like I was watching myself drive or do whatever I was doing at the time. It really freaked me out. It kept happening multiple times. After doing some research I concluded I was disassociating. Or at least that’s what made sense from what I’ve read. (I’m not self diagnosing myself as I am not a professional and could be wrong.)

Since then I feel like it’s sitting in the back of my brain. Almost like it’s watching me. Like it is it’s own entity within my mind. Most of the time I forget about it or am able to ignore it, but when I can’t do either of those it really stresses me out. Like I’m going crazy even when I’m still in touch with reality.


Lately I’ve been having these episodes which I have been calling “splitting”. The reason for that is because I feel like my brain splitting in two. Not physically but mentally. I caught myself in the shower a few weeks ago rocking back and fourth holding my head with two hands feeling like my face was about to explode. Like something or someone was trying to get out.

I’ve also had some extremely violent thoughts as well. That’s nothing out of the norm for me except they just feel different. There’s just a lack of feeling behind them. Almost like acting them out is a viable option.

I see myself as an extremely analytical person. I find myself constantly reevaluating myself and different situations by breaking them down into Little bitty pieces to try to understand what’s happening and why it’s happening. Idk if that makes any sense I just feel like these may be some how connected.

I see myself as a Low level recluse. I hang out with friends when I’m at work but other than that I stay in my room. I have an okay relationship with my parents but it’s not great. My dad can’t be bothered to text me unless it’s to guilt trip me into coming over. I feel like my mom hears me but doesn’t listen to me. I use edible marijuana about once or twice a week.

I know this is a little all over the place. Sorry. Just trying to get all my thoughts out and provide some context.

Thanks

Hi Plain cheese. It is nice to meet you. I'm Yaowen.

I'm so sorry you are experiencing these things you describe. It must be very troubling and scary to you.

Wish I had some insight but sadly I don't. Have you consulted a professional about these experiences?

I hope things work out for you for the best! I also want to welcome you to these Forums.

Hi, I think it would be an excellent idea if you'd speak with a mental health professional about your very unpleasant (to say the least) experiences. What you've described - I can relate to it; for me, it was/is extreme anxiety.