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Imlost1721
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Unhappy Jan 28, 2020 at 09:02 PM
  #1
Not sure where to begin, but I am 17 years old no friends. A drop out. and kind of socially inept as you can imagine being someone who stays home all the time. I am not here to fully focus on my issues. I am just looking for some kind words I guess on my path. I made a New Year's resolution this year and I really plan to accomplish everything on the list. No matter how hard or how much it sucks. My list is something along the lines of...

1. Losing weight, I have been watching my diet. and exercising when I have the motivation.

2.Getting my GED

3. Getting a Job

4.Reading 3 books a month

5. Really learning the meaning of Self love

Nothing really too challenging although I am weary that all the stress I get from anxiety probably raises my cortisol levels. Causing me to gain weight instead of lose weight. But never mind that,

May not sound like it because I am really depressed at the moment. But I am really determined to put a check mark next to all of those things on the list. To show myself I am not useless.

My brother has been helping me in the job search process, we have been looking for things that don't really require too much customer interaction. Leaning towards retail and grocery stores. seeing as I am a dropout with minimal skills. Mindset is fast food or retail. But unfortunately alot of positions like stocking the backroom or aisles aren't available. I had a job interview at Mariano's on the 23rd and I completely bombed the interview couldn't put words together. Only positive for me is I didn't have trouble keeping eye contact like I thought I would have. The interviewer would ask me a question and my mind would go comepletely blank. Despite this, They still wanted to hire me in Hot foods department where I think I'd pretty much be cooking and cleaning dishes. basically little restaurant within a store. So very customer orientated. So I got the job but I feel this overwhelming amount of guilt and shame come over me after that job interview. I thought that I would be happy to put a check mark on my LIST but I just felt so ****** about myself. I still haven't been able to pin point why that is. Could be I didn't get the position I initially wanted. Anyways fast forward to today the 28th. I have an interview at Sam's Club for a Freezer/cooler/deli position on Feb. 1st My birthday. First why does it have 3 roles in one job title. I looked up what it is like to work in the freezer/cooler position and you pretty much do a bunch of stocking of frozen products. I think the walmart website described it as something along the line of It's like being paid to go to the gym. Which sounds very appealing to me, because it would help knock out 2 birds with one stone. So I guess to get to the point...

Does anyone have any job interview tips for someone with an anxiety disorder off of meds?
Also any tips for tackling adult hood when you feel so crippled mentally as a human being?

and the last one probably most importantly. I don't know If I am alone in this but sometimes I get so much anxiety and builds up day after day after day. And develops into what I would describe as clinical depression. Used to think I had to depression but I have come to the realization that my depression has always been a subset of my anxiety. and this very moment. What I've described is very real for me at the moment. No motivation to get up in the morning. thoughts of ending it all. You know, any little task feels like running a marathon. And I have a job interview Saturday. It's not just the interview either, like how is someone like me going to be able hold down a job? Any advice would be really appreciated. I guess I am just really afraid of failure. I don't know.
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Default Jan 29, 2020 at 01:45 PM
  #2
Hi Imlost1721,

Since I am not a doctor or medical professional of any kind, I really cannot offer any advice to you. But I can share some things that have helped me personally, realizing of course that they may not be helpful to you.

In anxiety and depression, the mind is kind of putting itself on trial as in a courtroom. But in both depression and anxiety there is something missing in this "trial." There is a judge and jury and a prosecutor, but there is no defense attorney. The outcome of such a trial can never be fair or just but in depression and anxiety, a person doesn't realize this.

I notice that you have portrayed yourself and your life in somewhat negative and derogatory terms. But what about all the good things about you? Perhaps you will say that they don't count. But could it be that they don't count because you don't count them?

Let me give you an example. The post you wrote today will be read by people today or on other days. It will be read by people from all over the world. It will help people feel less isolated and alone with their own personal struggles, anguish and grief. That is a very wonderful thing. Helping someone might be one of the greatest if not the great things a person can accomplish in life. Your post will help people.

You are an absolutely unique human person. There has never been nor will there ever be someone exactly like you. This absolute uniqueness is the basis of your inalienable dignity and worth. It is not something you "have" but something you "are." It doesn't have to be earned and cannot be lost because it is based on your being. You don't have to "earn" it or "prove" it. Misfortunes cannot erase it nor can mistakes and failures take it away from you. So your self-worth is not vulnerable or in jeopardy. "Anxiety" is the thought and feeling that one's self-worth is in jeopardy and danger. But it isn't. It is part of a human being's inalienable dignity and worth.

People often view good and bad as two points. But actually they are a range of points. What happens if you do not fulfill the goals you have set for yourself? Are you a bad person? Consider this: there have been a couple of men in the last hundred years that were responsible for the destruction of tens of millions of people through genocide. That is really bad. Have you done anything in your life that resulted in the destruction of tens of millions of people? Millions of people? Hundreds of thousands of people? Tens of thousands of people? Thousands of people? Hundreds of people? No. So I wonder if the negative portrait you have painted of yourself is fair and just? Perhaps you have made some mistakes. We all have. But how terrible are those mistakes really?

There was a German man named Oskar Schindler. He made many mistakes in his life. He was not an ideal husband or son. He failed many times in his career and personal life. He had many vices. But he is not known for any of those things. He is known as a person who at one time in his life helped a lot of people. I have already mentioned how your post today will help people.

I guess what I am getting at is that if you are going to put yourself on trial, please make sure the trial is a fair one. I'm sure that in your 17 years on the earth you have done countless little clever things, sweet things, generous things, kind things, strong things. You certainly don't deserve the negative labels you are using to "sum yourself up" with. You are vastly more that those negative labels.

While you can look into the future with anxiety, you can also try to look into it with some confidence that your self-worth is not in danger from what may happen in the future.

These are things that have helped me. Maybe they don't apply to you or are inappropriate. Sadly I can only share what has helped me.

I want to thank you for posting what you did. It will help many people. I think you are a person of quality and stature.

My apologies if anything I have said has been unhelpful!
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Default Jan 29, 2020 at 03:08 PM
  #3
Well then, I do feel the way you describe anxiety and depression is very spot on. "In anxiety and depression, the mind is kind of putting itself on trial as in a courtroom. But in both depression and anxiety there is something missing in this "trial." There is a judge and jury and a prosecutor, but there is no defense attorney. The outcome of such a trial can never be fair or just but in depression and anxiety, a person doesn't realize this." And it seems everytime I get to a point in my life where I am challenged to go out of my comfort zone, I tend to do just that. I put myself on trial with only one outcome. Once I fully accept this as the outcome. It results in a completely cynical and pessimistic view of the world and my future. Although there is a lot of wisdom to be gained from your reply. None of your points really tackle my points. Vaguer than personal. I guess I'm looking for someone who has been through the same instances and give me a more personified response. Or maybe I was too personable on this platform. I know I am not alone but there really is nothing more illuminating than knowing someone just like you tackled roughly the same challenges and conquered their goals. Thank you for the response. I probably didn't fully comprehend the wisdom behind your words. But whenever I feel in a low spot, I'll be sure to come back and review your wise words. Thank you!
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Default Jan 29, 2020 at 07:57 PM
  #4
Hey, Imlost1721

I feel like I can relate to some of your story. And while I can't really give advice because of the reasons listed by the previous responder, I can tell you a little bit about my story and what helped me.

I was homeschooled and my mom had health issues that stopped her from placing me in group activities (many homeschooled kids, despite public opinion, are very socialized... my mom tried, but she was dealing with too much on her own so I didn't get that). When I graduated, I was extremely shy and very anxious. Some of that, I think, stemmed from the fact that since I hadn't had much interaction with other kids my age, I didn't know how I would compare. I had no clue about how to act or what people would think was normal. Basically, I had almost no frame of reference for how to be.

After a long period of floundering and staying at home all the time, my mom pushed me to put in applications and I got my first job at a small grocery store. They didn't really do much of an interview, to my relief. I guess they had a lot of turnover and just needed people. I figured out the actual job pretty quickly, but I didn't find out until later that I almost got fired for not talking to customers enough when I was running register. However, before that could happen, one of my coworkers started talking to me and invited me to hang out with his group of friends. I almost didn't go, and I was so nervous that I didn't really talk. However, to my surprise, they accepted me anyway and gave me time to open up. Eventually, they got me playing D&D with them and I became more comfortable. Several of them worked at the grocery store, so becoming comfortable with them lessened my anxiety at work a little bit overall, especially since I was learning how to act in public. I know that him befriending me was random chance, but what I would say to you is that if someone tries to interact with you when you start a job, if you don't have a bad feeling about them (like if you can tell they're a good person), maybe take them up on it because it could really help.

When working with customers directly, I found that it takes time to feel comfortable. You may not be one of those people who can just banter about random stuff and make friends with anybody (I certainly am not), but I have become pretty competent working in retail simply by shuffling a set of appropriate phrases. ("Hi, how are you today? Great! Can I help you find anything? Is this what you're looking for? Alright, let me know if you need anything! Have a nice day!") And that's okay too.

I stayed at that job for three years, but they were paying minimum wage so I moved on to my job now, at a large hardware store. I know you said you checked for stocking jobs, but have you checked with hardware stores, too? If you're not comfortable working with people directly yet, jobs in stocking or receiving are really great. Also, at my store there are dedicated positions for loaders, who only load stuff like mulch or other heavy items. I used to work out in the outdoor loading area, and let me tell you- I got way more healthy and fit. The first few weeks were rough, but after that it was smoother sailing physically. Most hardware stores are hiring this time of year while gearing up for spring, and although most of the jobs will be posted as seasonal, at the end of the season they keep many people on.

I hate interviews! I have only done a couple, so I don't know if my experience is general or how other interviewers would respond, but one thing that helped me was to just say something like, "I'm sorry! I'm a little nervous. Let me think about that for just a second so I think of a good example/give you a solid answer." The hard part is then focusing to think up something while they're looking at you, but at least there's a couple of extra seconds, and if they're understanding they may say something nice to help put you at ease.

And last but not least, don't forget that you are amazing. You may not be exactly where you want to be, but you are just as worthy now of having friends and a good job as you will be when you finish your excellent list of goals (what do you like to read? I love reading). And don't be afraid to be yourself- you'll be more likely to attract people with similar interests that you can connect with if you want to. Good luck!
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Default Jan 30, 2020 at 01:47 PM
  #5
Thanks for the reply! Feel like can relate to you a bit more. Thanks for the hope. Although reading has always been something I enjoy it's hard convincing myself to actually do it for some reason. But when I do I feel like it is time well spent. So because i don't feel like I am in a well place at the moment I find myself reading a lot of cheesy self-help books lol. Currently reading one called Not Nice! pretty much a book trying to stir you away from always being so agreeable to people. You know valuing other people's opinion more than your own, Not saying no when you want to, just little things like that. Try to turn it around. I've been watching this guy named Jordan Peterson on youtube. He is a psychologist and I really don't even know what to say he just MAKES SENSE. He's is/was a college professors and there is a bunch of lectures of his on youtube. About all types of different topics. He tends to make complex ideas sound like common sense. Point being he has this book called "12 rules to life", and I really want to check it out for my next read since I spent so much time watching his videos. Other than that I love Harry Potter and I like books where a character goes through alot in the beginning of a story, to make it through to brighter days. One example of this was this book I read, not too long ago."A Man Called Ove" It was pretty much about a 60 something-year-old man who trys to kill himself in 4 or 5 different ways. But everytime he tries, he seemingly always gets interrupted by his neighbors. Then the story reveals he recentlly lost the love of his life. The woman he'd been married to for years and years. And he couldn't possibly imagine living in a world without her. So he decides what is the point(A thought I find myself in a lot). So he ends up building a relationship out of his neighbors constantly interruping his attempts to off himself. So much to the point the neighbor's kids in the story started calling him "Grandpa", It was from then on he went back to wanting to LIVE. Aside from my pretty bad summary there. The point is, even with nothing in his life, No love, friends all gone or sick from old age. He still managed somehow to find meaning in his life. Even if he wasn't searching for it. I like to read things that inspire me. Like your reply for example
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Default Feb 04, 2020 at 04:10 PM
  #6
I understand- I love reading as well, but sometimes I struggle with actually doing it. And when I do, lately I've been going back to old classics I've known since I was a kid (like the Sherlock Holmes collection, Lord of the Rings, and L.M. Montgomery books like Emily of New Moon and Jane of Lantern Hill), instead of sorting through new stuff to find interesting things. I should get better about that! I love Harry Potter as well- I haven't read those for a few years so they're about due for a reread. I'll definitely have to check out "A Man Named Ove," though- that sounds really interesting.

I looked into Jordan Peterson a bit- looks like he works with Big Five personality traits. I've checked into Big Five before, and I know it has a solid basis. I also enjoy MBTI- not the basic testing, but on a deeper level where cognitive functions and functional stacks are also considered. It's all very fascinating. What are the main things you've pulled from Peterson's research? Is personality typing something that interests you? Personally, it has helped me a lot, especially in my teens when I was trying to figure out who I was and why I didn't seem to fit.

Also, I wanted to address a main point you made in your original post, where you asked about whether others struggle with the building up of anxiety into depression. I do too. For me I've realized that it is cyclical, in that the anxiety and/or sadness and feelings of existential hopelessness will build into depression, then one day the depression breaks, and I'll feel pretty good for awhile (until it builds up again). One of the bigger things I've learned in trying to cope with that is recognizing that those thoughts are not the core of my identity. I try to look at them from another angle- I accept that they are there, but also recognize that they have no direct power over me. They are separate- just symptoms. Once they are isolated, I try to do healthy coping mechanisms like exercise, stress relief, taking time for myself, learning something new, etc. Even if I don't get a chance to use the coping mechanisms, just looking at my thoughts from another angle helps sometimes. I don't know why, but doing that makes it less overwhelming and it seems like I have more control.

At work, I'm usually ok, though. The "customer service persona" really, really helps. Keep in mind that when you start working, it's likely that no one you know will be there. You can be who you want to be without question, and you don't have to share anything you don't want to. You will not be burdened by the perceptions of the people closest to you. That sounds bad, but sometimes it is good to get out there and forge your own path
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Default Feb 05, 2020 at 08:46 AM
  #7
You're not alone out there, man. There is a lot of people that feels the same and I can relate. It builds day after day and it is hard to track it back to anything originating it, but it is real.
Many things work for me when depression come. It is important to keep the body and mind busy and in general hitting the gym as much as you can works. Little success and achieved objectives build self-esteem so if you cannot read 4 books a month, reduce your objective to 3, 2, or 1 in order to achieve it. Regarding the job seek, just go for interviews and believe you can make it. Good luck!
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Default Feb 10, 2020 at 03:10 AM
  #8
Not really familiar with personality typing? maybe you can let me know what it is really about so I can look into it. Sorry I didn't reply sooner but the build up to the job interview had me slip into a dark place again. Had a job interview on the 1st and the 7th. Got ghosted on the one from my birthday. and still waiting to see what happens with the most recent one. Think I have come to the conclusion that Job interviews are something I will never get used to. They really are easy, especially for entry level positions and it being your first job. They don't even ask any hard questions. Yet my Anxiety will build everytime. Wish I could just land a job already. Doing these interviews are really draining me.

Jordan Peterson says that getting a routine in your life will help with depression. Living a responsibility filled life will give your life meaning and happiness. While choosing to have no responsibility leads you to question " what the point is" to do anything at all, creating suffering and despair. Pretty bad paraphrasing ( He is really articulate) but close enough. I really want to see for myself. So I guess I need to keep going.

It has gotten to the point, where the first time in my entire life. I am considering seeking help. Because I am not sure how long I can keep this up. My 2 biggest problems though are. 1. I hate the idea of being dependent on a drug to feel okay. And 2. I am under thee impression that anti-depressants/anti-anxiety medication makes you gain weight. Therapy is definitely scary too. But I don't have anyone to talk to. So maybe it wouldn't hurt
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Thumbs up Feb 10, 2020 at 03:14 AM
  #9
Quote:
Originally Posted by AnAnxiousDude View Post
You're not alone out there, man. There is a lot of people that feels the same and I can relate. It builds day after day and it is hard to track it back to anything originating it, but it is real.
Many things work for me when depression come. It is important to keep the body and mind busy and in general hitting the gym as much as you can works. Little success and achieved objectives build self-esteem so if you cannot read 4 books a month, reduce your objective to 3, 2, or 1 in order to achieve it. Regarding the job seek, just go for interviews and believe you can make it. Good luck!
Funny enough you should mention. I am struggling with my book goal at the moment. Been dealing with some bad depression lately. Hard to sit down and focus on anything. I'll try not to beat myself up about it thanks
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Default Feb 10, 2020 at 03:15 AM
  #10
Quote:
Originally Posted by EFont View Post
I understand- I love reading as well, but sometimes I struggle with actually doing it. And when I do, lately I've been going back to old classics I've known since I was a kid (like the Sherlock Holmes collection, Lord of the Rings, and L.M. Montgomery books like Emily of New Moon and Jane of Lantern Hill), instead of sorting through new stuff to find interesting things. I should get better about that! I love Harry Potter as well- I haven't read those for a few years so they're about due for a reread. I'll definitely have to check out "A Man Named Ove," though- that sounds really interesting.

I looked into Jordan Peterson a bit- looks like he works with Big Five personality traits. I've checked into Big Five before, and I know it has a solid basis. I also enjoy MBTI- not the basic testing, but on a deeper level where cognitive functions and functional stacks are also considered. It's all very fascinating. What are the main things you've pulled from Peterson's research? Is personality typing something that interests you? Personally, it has helped me a lot, especially in my teens when I was trying to figure out who I was and why I didn't seem to fit.

Also, I wanted to address a main point you made in your original post, where you asked about whether others struggle with the building up of anxiety into depression. I do too. For me I've realized that it is cyclical, in that the anxiety and/or sadness and feelings of existential hopelessness will build into depression, then one day the depression breaks, and I'll feel pretty good for awhile (until it builds up again). One of the bigger things I've learned in trying to cope with that is recognizing that those thoughts are not the core of my identity. I try to look at them from another angle- I accept that they are there, but also recognize that they have no direct power over me. They are separate- just symptoms. Once they are isolated, I try to do healthy coping mechanisms like exercise, stress relief, taking time for myself, learning something new, etc. Even if I don't get a chance to use the coping mechanisms, just looking at my thoughts from another angle helps sometimes. I don't know why, but doing that makes it less overwhelming and it seems like I have more control.

At work, I'm usually ok, though. The "customer service persona" really, really helps. Keep in mind that when you start working, it's likely that no one you know will be there. You can be who you want to be without question, and you don't have to share anything you don't want to. You will not be burdened by the perceptions of the people closest to you. That sounds bad, but sometimes it is good to get out there and forge your own path
Thought I'd quote you because I don't know how notifications work on here.
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Default Feb 12, 2020 at 09:47 PM
  #11
I have a friend who has terrible anxiety and it has costed him a few jobs due to it. I struggle with anxiety myself and from my experience, the hardest part of job vs. anxiety is the beginning. In beginning you're looking for job, interviewing for a job, and starting a job. All of those things are stressful and will make your anxiety go nuts, but once you get past that beginning , it gets easier with time.

As far as your goals you got this! Keep reminding yourself why you want to accomplish these goals and the reward you'll get for accomplishing the goals <3
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Default Feb 19, 2020 at 07:10 PM
  #12
You’re good! Looking for a job can definitely be a stressful experience. There are a lot of ups and downs to deal with- hope contrasted with feelings of possible rejection, plus anxiety over uncertainty. I understand. I'm sorry for the delay in response myself- I haven’t been in the best place for the past several days either; sometimes when I get overwhelmed by life my emotions retreat. Then I feel empty and I just go through the motions. Or I take lots of naps and avoid doing anything, lol. Can I ask how the job search has been going?

Regarding the personality stuff, there is a lot of info on it (so much!), but I can give kinda a brief overview of what I’ve learned about it. There are 16 basic options in the main framework of MBTI, shown by 4-letter “codes.” The letters are determined by choosing between Introversion (I) vs Extroversion (E), then Sensing (S) vs Intuition (N), Thinking (T) vs Feeling (F), and lastly Judging (J) vs Perceiving (P). An example of what a code result looks like could be ESTJ, INFP, ESFP, etc.

To decide between letters, many people take the free online quizzes. Those are really easy to mess with to get a desired result, though, so they’re pretty unreliable, although they can help a little at the beginning. I thought the system was pretty meh until I looked into the deeper explanations of what things were. People say MBTI isn't a science, and they’re absolutely right (notably, I’ve never seen anyone actually claim it is)! However, I’ve found it to be a very useful basic categorization system that makes it easier to talk about common traits.

Essentially, while each option is a spectrum, it is based on which you are closer to. If in the middle, the letter is X, to show as unchosen.

Very brief explanations-
Introversion: You gain energy and “recharge” primarily from being alone
Extroversion: You gain energy and “recharge” primarily from being with other people

Sensing: Tend to be realistic, practical, grounded, “common sense,” often skilled in working with their hands and/or in the arts
Intuitive: Tend to be dreamy, think about possibilities, big-picture oriented, more likely to deeply mull over theories and ideas

Thinking: Tend to be more objective overall, and make decisions based primarily on logical analysis
Feeling: Tend to be more sensitive and subjective overall, and make decisions primarily based on personal values

Judging: More organized and prepared, stick to schedules, tend to naturally follow most rules
Perceiving: Can be spontaneous, more open-minded, more flexible with plans, tend to question rules if they contrast with what they want to do

Does that make sense? There are always exceptions and nuances, though, and that’s what makes it interesting. I won’t delve too deeply into cognitive function stacks (which are kind of an offshoot of MBTI) because I enjoy discussing this too much and I don’t want to go on way too long. I may PM you with a little bit of info on it to see if you find it interesting. Okay, personality rant over! I'm sorry it was long- I hope that was okay.

You mentioned that you’re thinking about finding a therapist to talk to- I think that’s a great idea! I know it’s really scary to start off with, but I’ve found that it really helps me to be able to talk things out with someone who is understanding and listens without judgement. And depending on their qualifications, they might be able to give you professional recommendations about whether they think medication is an option and what the side effects may be if you choose that. You could definitely talk about your dependency and side-effect concerns with them. But they have lots of talk-based things they can do regardless of whether they decide medication is not a good fit or if you decide you aren’t comfortable with it. As you said, having someone to talk to likely wouldn’t hurt
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Default Feb 20, 2020 at 11:28 PM
  #13
Yeah pretty much the same for me. Think I slept all day for like a week and didn't eat or drink anything. I was so devastated about what happened with the last job. Like I said my brother has been helping me on the job search. And he filled out some applications for me. He decided it would be best to lie and say I had a high school diploma on my applications. So I ended up getting a job offer at Menards. But they wanted me to bring in a high school diploma into orientation for the job. And I am not sure if I overreacted, but I am not a very good liar. Nor am I comfortable with it. But I ended up not going because I did not want to be in a position like that. I am not completely innocent as I voluntarily carried out the lie in interviews, but it was all hearsay for the most part. Guess I am a Coward. Made a post on Reddit about it, because people tend to be brutally honest on forums like that. Think about 70% said I should go in and take responsibility for lying to them. And about 30% said to not go. Felt so ****** about myself, felt like I let myself down, my brother down, my mother down. So I got really depressed and started to get suicidal. First world problems am I right?

Feeling a little better now. 3 days ago filled out some applications online. Read somewhere online that exercise is like a natural anti-depressant. So I been making my self workout in the morning, have a cup of coffee, and meditate. Which has been going a long way for me. But what does suck is unless you push yourself in your workout to the point where you feel like you're dieing. You really don't get that good feeling afterwards, so it is hard. Mediocre workout seems to not have any effect on me.

Haven't heard back from any of the jobs I applied for yet. But I will take just about take anything at this point. Or actually applied to work at a gas station (Speedway) and I got rejected by email

One dilemma that I am kind of going through though is. What if my biggest fear isn't not getting the job. What if my biggest fear is GETTING THE JOB. What if the idea of having a job and being held to a standard is what scares me. I don't know what to do to be honest, Can't seem to control my head. Just kind of doing the bare minimum in my job search because I am scared. Which is why I wanted someone to lean on to help get me my first job. Just being really Pessimistic to be honest. Starting to come to the realization that no one really gives a ****. Pretty vague statement, but I think it is true in alot of things. Trying to come to peace with that.
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