friend judges me as racist because of my mental health

Hey Everyone!


I have this huge fear of getting the Coronavirus!
I experience OCD since I was ten. I also experience health anxiety and emotional dsyregulation.


I live in New Zealand and we have a huge community of Chinese here. So the fear of this virus coming is very high. I dont know how to cope.

I avoid the gym because the fear that a Chinese person is unwell and goes to the gym and spreads the virus.

I managed to go to supermarket but only with someone else. Because if I see an asain I avoid them incase they have the virus. My thoughts are oh no they could have the virus and their family could have rescently came back from China and they don't know they have the virus because it takes about 14 days for the symptoms to come. Apparently you can still spread before the symptoms occur.


I literally ran away or speed walk away from asains cause of the virus.


Its ruining my life because I cant even go shops a lone. I wash my hands after going to supermarket.


I struggle to sleep at night time and get songs stuck in my head. It seems to happen when I'm highly anxious I get songs stuck in my head. Or this high pitch noise in my ear and eventually the sound goes away, when In distressed.
I have even cried about it.


I try to talk to this friend who I dont see a friend now about my health anxiety and relating to virus. She judge me as rascit because of my mental health.

Which I felt so judge and rejected and deeply hurt. She refused to talk to me because of that.


I try to ring my therapist like 3 days in a row but she ignored my calls. So I had to call my partner at work more than once because I'm distressed.

I found out through my keyworker who works a long side my therapist cause my keypwroer rang back, well it was late at the day like 4:30.

Told me how my therapist thought and told me only one phone call a week with her on the week I dont see her in therapy session.

My therapist counted the phone call me speaking to my keyworker on Monday as that call. But I didnt count that. Because I was plan to call my keyworker anyway because I have to plan activities to get myself put the house due to my socail anxiety.

So I was highly distressed yet my therapist is thinking its setting boundaires and stopping the dependcey but I struggle to use the skills I have learnt.

Which is Dailet Behaviour therapy. I did for a year and a half at group therapy weekly for 2 hours.

But I dont think Dailet Behaviour therapy helps with OCD and anxiety?

I have done CBT therapy as a child at age of 10 for 2 or 3 years to when I was early 20's and when I was 25,26 for general anxiety disorder. But it seems I'm unable to get better. The therapist reckons it's the environment I live in the toxic enviroment with my mum and sister.

But I dont have income to move out, I just feel so hopeless and helpless these days I'm literally exhausted from therapy for so many years since 10 and gone through about 7 therapist one kn which made me so much worse. About 2 years ago. He was a student therapist I just had increased suicidal thoughts and self harm. My immunity was constantly down so I always got sick due to the stress. He was horrible therapist. He told me how my mother shpukdve have had kids. How I'm not doing the work. How I will never move out. Always went on how he is bad therapist to me and so the therapy would focused on him. Many other messed up things he would say to me. I have gone through a lot of therapist and never experience a therapist like this. It took a year of my current therapist to undo what that student therapist did.


Now my therapy is ending in March, due to public health system, pressures the therapist to get rid of the clients because of the waiting list. From my experience it seems ir doesnt matter if your well or unwell they just discharged you.

I believe that why the system is broken cause in my country there is huge suicide rate here.


I am seeing a councilor outside of the system but I dont know if I should fully trust her due to going through 7 therapist and also the trauma of that one student therapist.


I just dont know what to do anymore. I kinda lost hope in fully getting better. I haven't worked for 4 years due to my mental health.

I dont really have friends. Maybe one I see once a week to play with and help her baby twins.

That's it.

Why dont you visit your friend with the twins more often? Im sure she could use your help almost every day, even if it is just helping with dishes or laundry or keeping one baby occupied while she is feeding or changing the other. It would be a good deed. You could learn to be a mother's helper, which would be a good job skill. Also learn how to get along in a day-care like facility, where the most important concern is the babies.

I understand what you are saying, but i also understand what your friend means too... I don’t want to sound insensitive but racism stems beyond hate. It can be fear too. Generalizations and stereotypes... so your friend may not have meant you are hateful or anything but understand to avoid all asian people because of a virus seems extreme..... and i know you dont mean harm by it and you are just trying to stay safe. Take comfort in knowing that the flu is more deadly than this virus and unless you have a comprimised immune system, are elderly, or a small child... even if you did get sick, it shouldnt be anything terminal. Again, the flu is more deadly.... asian people do not just carry around this virus out of the blue, it can spread person to person yes but remember it came from animals, NOT people...and most reported cases from outside of china are from people who arent even chinese... so even if you avoid the asian population in your country you may ironically run into a non asian individual who was exposed to the virus.... just be smart, avoid crowded places, wash your hands, stay hydrated, avoid touching entry points on your body like eyes nose mouth etc. , and remember that just as people should be sensitive to your anxiety, you should still be respectful and sensitive to others as well. It’ll be okay.

My brother has been extremely paranoid about the Coronavirus and it has a lot to do with him having anxiety so I understand where you're coming from. I would try to look up facts about the Coronavirus! From what I have read it has killed very very few people and the people it has killed have been people who have higher chances to be killed by something like a virus. Learning about what you're scared of can make you feel better and mentally stronger