Social Anxiety - Should I quit?

Sunflower123 · Feb 01, 2020 at 05:40 PM

I’ve made a goal of expanding my tribe and support system. To that end, I’ve signed up for several meet ups and bible study groups. I’ve had some modicum of success but my social anxiety makes these events nearly impossible. The fear paralyzes me. I’m thinking of stopping all socializing for this reason. Any thoughts or advice would be appreciated.

I know I have an opportunity to grow and expand here but I literally shake going to these events. Maybe I should just accept it for what it is.

downandlonely · Feb 01, 2020 at 05:44 PM

I know it's tough, but I wouldn't stop all socializing.

Maybe take it slower and go to events with fewer people for a while until you get to know some regulars. Social anxiety sucks but isolation isn't good either.

Sometimes psychotic · Feb 01, 2020 at 05:54 PM

I stopped talking to everyone during jr high it took me at least a year to get to feeling even slightly more comfortable.

Feb 01, 2020 at 09:03 PM

No, don't stop socializing. Just work through the fear. That's what I do.

When I was fully active with my Meetup groups, I was a social butterfly despite my anxiety. Sometimes, all the social interaction would overwhelm me, and keep me awake all night from absorbing so many people's energies.

In recent years, I've been more solo and don't participate in as many Meetups as I used to. I still need a social life despite my complaining here about it, so I go to Meetups with zero expectations.

I think the key is going to these social things with zero expectations. That lessens the chance of triggering social anxiety which is a fear of being judged negatively by others. If you set that fear aside, you will feel more relaxed and able to be yourself.

I look at people this way -- people will judge me based on their own perceptions, no matter what I do or say. I cannot control how other people view me. So, the best advice I can give you, is what I tell myself, and it's so cliche but it's also true: just be yourself. You're all you've got.

winter4me · Feb 02, 2020 at 08:46 AM

Do Not Stop. Isolation breeds isolation which breeds increased fear/anxiety.
It isn't easy but it is Really important to maintain a social self. Remember that you are probably not the only one in the group who feels as you do.
When opportunity comes up in the normal course of things, it can be helpful to simply acknowledge your discomfort, I bet you get some needed support and likely some fellow-travelers.

AzulOscuro · Mar 07, 2020 at 06:42 PM

I stopped socialising for years and it all make things worse. More depression, less social skills, zero experiences, worsened my physical and mental health, more obsessions. And it was in my end of adolescence and for years in my early adulthood. So, it was a tremendous damage.
I do understand that you feel the urge to quit. I did it. And still feel this urge. But, at least keep a larger comfort zone by taking little risks. This will be avoid you fall into the inertia of being more and more isolated.
Hope, we can work and progress with any means we can find helpful as the article you already know about accepting our social anxiety to get a better coexistence with it.

DechanDawa · Mar 07, 2020 at 07:02 PM

What do you mean by accept it for what it is? Do you mean that you get so anxious you shake before going to these events? Can you accept that and still go?

You said you have had some success. That's great!

I tried to sign up for Meetups but the few I signed up for did not seem to have good leadership so nothing happened.

If you found groups you want to attend...that is half the battle.

I have to say I am very proud of you for getting out there and for sharing your story.

It might help to know that no one probably knows you are anxious. You can just show up and if you like it, please, please, please keep going.

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Social Anxiety - Should I quit?

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downandlonely Legendary Member Since Mar 2018 Location: United States Posts: 10,760 (SuperPoster!) 6 10.6k hugs given	Feb 01, 2020 at 05:44 PM #2 I know it's tough, but I wouldn't stop all socializing. Maybe take it slower and go to events with fewer people for a while until you get to know some regulars. Social anxiety sucks but isolation isn't good either.
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Sometimes psychotic Legendary Wise Elder Member Since May 2013 Location: Chicago Posts: 26,409 (SuperPoster!) 10 22.8k hugs given	Feb 01, 2020 at 05:54 PM #3 I stopped talking to everyone during jr high it took me at least a year to get to feeling even slightly more comfortable. __________________ Hugs!
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