Constant fear of aging illness dying, impending doom

Every day all day long, I am worried sad and fearful of aging illness and dying and my mind and body experience these things. I feel constant impending doom. I feel like I will get cancer, liver disease, kidney failure, heart attack stoke etc any day now. I am frozen in fear. I have tried therapy, meditation, affirmations, exercise, medication, etc and nothing works even a little. I also lost everything and everyone no friends no job not allowed to be with my kids no family near me no boyfriend I feel fat ugly old alone failure loser exhausted unhealthy debilitated terrified cannot function cannot take care of myself feel suffocated. I am 46 and mind imagines myself at 50 or 55 or 60 etc feeling how much more miserable I will feel then because my looks will be gone even further and I will be even more miserable then and more unhealthy. My mind imagines myself on my deathbed or having a heart attack and how I will feel and be terrified. It transports me to the future and what feelings and fears I will feel as if they are happening right now. I constantly miss my past and youth. I feel as though my best days are gone and nothing good is in my future. I will never have peace or fun again knowing every second that I am aging and closer to illness disease and dying. I know it is useless to think and feel this way but it will not stop. I also am terrified of things happening to loved ones. Has anyone else suffered this and overcome it??? Please help!

Hi darkfeary. Welcome to Psych Central. I am sorry you have so much anxiety. That must be very disruptive of your life.

I have had anxiety in my life and have tried focusing on it to make it go away but that always strengthened it and made it more prominent in my mind. Expectations led to much of my anxiety, other people's and my own. First I had to start accepting myself the way I am and that is not easy. These videos set a tone that helps me calm down a bit.
Follow your breath not your thoughts YouTube

Mindful Acceptance YouTube

To me it was not me getting better, it was me refocusing and accepting life as it is without judgement. It is not easy or quick, but it is how I found to deal with the inner whirlwinds.

@CANDC

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Originally Posted by darkfeary I feel as though my best days are gone and nothing good is in my future. I will never have peace or fun again knowing every second that I am aging and closer to illness disease and dying. I know it is useless to think and feel this way but it will not stop. I also am terrified of things happening to loved ones. Has anyone else suffered this and overcome it??? Please help!

I have not over come it but I am right there with you. I am 49.

- I have been obsessed for years with health in an attempt to make it to retirement and to have some fun. But I just got diagnosed with an out of the blue precursor to cancer. This puts my life under the constant threat of cancer every 6 months (when I have to check to see if it has progressed).

- I have another deformity issue that could result in me having to have a terrible surgery... and that always progresses with old age. So yet another thing I have to check constantly. Both issues could result in chronic pain and disability.

- I have no friends or significant other... and little chance now that I look like a 90 year old.

Sometimes, I really wonder if it is worth living. I mean I don't say that in a way like i am going to do anything about it but I am getting tried of the fight. The constant fight. Financial fight, health fight, friend fight.

Sometimes I just want to quit my job, use all my money, ignore my health, and when 10 years or so has gone by, let it take me.

I have considered going to a therapist but I don't know how I would do so, first to find someone who gets it then, I don't know how to get to one. My work day is 7 AM to 7 PM and if I get a day off usually it is for MEDICAL appointments which I now have a zillion of.

You know this situation you read or listen to something and you run out of words? This has happened to me after reading your thread.
But, at the same time, I can’t move on without telling you some words.

I’d wish I could tell you something useful. I can’t go beyond CANDC’s words. I sort of think this is the way you have to go on.

Have you tried mindfulness as a technique in your therapies? If not, I offer myself to help you in this sense. I’m not anything close to an expert. I only practise it to find a balance in my life. All I can do is to invite you to practise with me.
It’s not necessary you have a strong will at the first moment. Take it not as a commitment. It cannot be a commitment, only a try. There’s not judgement in this.
Maybe it’s easier to do it with someone else to encourage yourself.
I’m turning 48 soon and I’m a woman. Maybe, we have other things in common.
It’s true that I’m very shy and has social anxiety but I tried to do my best with people who need a hand.