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Old 03-26-2020, 11:01 AM   #1
JohnnyB0913
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Default Supporting partner managing severe anxiety

Hello everyone. God bless and know we will all get past this Coronavirus together..

I was dating a women with severe ptsd from past and she recurved treatment. During her treatment we had to break up. They wanted no intimate relationships. It has been 2 months now and we just started talking again. Her anxiety is eating her alive still.
She tells me that she trusts me and that I make her feel safe, a lot of the time she just wants me to hold her and make her feel safe. I love this women with all of me and am willing to do anything to be there and help her. I have read so many internet talks about what to do, what to say, what not to say. It is a broad scale, mostly just validate your loved one and be comforting and supportive, which I already have been since day one.

Is there any advice outside of google from a supporter or some that have been supported that might have some advice for me as to continually step up my support for my loved one with anxiety?

She says she needs to learn how to MANAGE HER ANXIETY. I agree with her and want to help her and make that road as smooth as possible.

Please reach out with any thoughts or advice. Thank you very much. 🙏
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Old 03-26-2020, 12:01 PM   #2
Yaowen
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Default Re: Supporting partner managing severe anxiety

Dear JohnnyB,

I think it is wonderful that you are trying to help. I really admire you for that.

One drawback of articles, whether on the Internet or in print is their brevity. Sometimes it helps to go to full length books for ideas.

Books can be quite expensive, but since you live in the USA I know that there are public libraries where books are available and books that are not on the shelves of these libraries can often be obtained through something that I think is called "Interlibrary Loan."

I was most helped with my own anxiety and with helping those I loved suffering from various anxiety disorders by reading books, especially books by cognitive therapists. One book that was most helpful to me was written by a famous cognitive therapist by the name of Leahy. I don't remember his full name any more. Nor do I remember the exact title of his book. I think it had the word "Worry" in the title.

Please do not think I am trying to promote his book or those of cognitive therapists since there may be better types of books and authors.

As someone who struggles against PTSD, anxiety and panic disorder, I was most helped by such books and by medical treatment.

Since I was helped both by books written by cognitive therapists and by medication, I don't know which modality contributed the most to my recovery.

I also was blessed to have people like you in my life who gave me encouragement, compassion, understanding and consolation.

I am so grateful to the researchers and doctors, the psychologists and all others who helped me. They are all heroes in my eyes.

You are a remarkable person. I wish you only good things now and in the future, JohnnyB. I wish you only the best.

Hopefullyyou will get many responses to your post and that some will have ideas that will be helpful to you.

Sincerely yours, -- Yao Wen
PS: Sorry if my English is not very good>
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Old 03-27-2020, 04:04 AM   #3
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Default Re: Supporting partner managing severe anxiety

Hey @JohnnyB0913
Quote:
Originally Posted by JohnnyB0913 View Post
I was dating a women with severe ptsd from past and she recurved treatment. During her treatment we had to break up. They wanted no intimate relationships. It has been 2 months now and we just started talking again. Her anxiety is eating her alive still.
She tells me that she trusts me and that I make her feel safe, a lot of the time she just wants me to hold her and make her feel safe. I love this women with all of me and am willing to do anything to be there and help her. I have read so many internet talks about what to do, what to say, what not to say. It is a broad scale, mostly just validate your loved one and be comforting and supportive, which I already have been since day one.
To be frank, is it your job to handle her anxiety for her?
Quote:
Is there any advice outside of google from a supporter or some that have been supported that might have some advice for me as to continually step up my support for my loved one with anxiety?

She says she needs to learn how to MANAGE HER ANXIETY. I agree with her and want to help her and make that road as smooth as possible.
She says she wants to manage her own anxiety yet she puts the onus of that on you. You may very well help her but she will never learn to be ok with herself as long as you relies on and expects you to help her manage it. Its not a very healthy place.
I get it that you love her and want to best for her but what about whats best for you? Is it good for you to be the one she leans on for her anxiety, at the point of not taking ownership of it herself? That is an awful lot of pressure on you and there is no guarantee you can truly help her overcome it.
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