Really struggling.. please help!

Having a really bad day today and can use some help.. 😞. I just cannot seem to shake this fear I have of having schizophrenia or psychosis even though I've been told by numerous medical professionals that i only have anxiety.. I was anxious on and off all last night and had really broken sleep because of it.. As I was falling asleep I remember having the thought "you gotta find a job" and I answered it with "why?" and that has me freaking out now because i know it was my thoughts but then why'd I answer it?. My anxiety is so strong today I just dont know what to do.. I'm scared I'm starting to go crazy, my thoughts are just moving so fast.. I'm actually scared I really am in psychosis right now. I'm scared I'm going to hurt someone (I have harm OCD also 😞 ) even though I dont want to.. but im scared that I'm going to. I cant seem to relax.. I'm trying to breathe and just stay in the moment and stay busy but it isn't helping..

I saw my psychiatrist 2 weeks ago and she prescribed me Buspar. She told me to start off taking 2.5mg once a day and I tried it for 2 days but I felt really weird on it.. about 30 minutes or so after taking it I seemed to get this confusion feeling.. like the other day it's like I felt like I was forgetting something but I knew I wasnt.. which put me right into a panic attack too. I thought about taking it right before I went to sleep so I can sleep through that feeling but I'm just so scared to take it again.. I have a fear of taking medications also because I'm scared they are going to make me worse.. and some do at first for a few weeks but I feel like I can barely deal with my anxiety now let alone it being worse at first because of the med..

I'm just so scared at the moment that I'm shaking.. I cannot seem to get over this fear I have.. I'm scared that I really am crazy and that I'm going to act on my thoughts.. idk what to do.. please help! 😞

you're not crazy.

anxiety is no walk in the park, and once you have those feelings... well, they are hard to break

my best advice is to just try to distract yourself as much as possible (what's worked for you before?), keep reaching out here because we are a good comunity of caring people who want to help, and remember: it will eventually pass. it won't be easy, but it will. it always does eventually

with the regards to the medication, talk about your concerns- and what happened when you took it, tell your doctor you are worried about taking it, see what they say.

Thank you so much for your reply. And yes this forum seems very helpful.. I really hate how real these feelings can feel 😞. Like deep down I know I'm not crazy but it feels like I am.. it almost seems like I'm crazy but I'm trying to convince myself that I'm not instead of the other way around.. unfortunately my harm thoughts center around the people I love the most which are my two sons.. and that makes me feel worse.. like I love them so much, they're my world.. and I have thoughts of hurting them.. it's so incredibly hard to deal with.. Like I know I dont want to, and I know I'm not going to.. but it's almost like my anxiety is trying to convince me that I want to act on them and will act on them.. it is just so hard to deal with this but I'm scared of going on medications too.. even with the possibility that they could help me.. I only see my therapist once a month so I'm thinking maybe it's just not enough.. I will try talking to her on Monday about seeing her more frequent than once a month and seeing what she says.. and I will definitely talk to my psychiatrist about the medicine as well..

The past couple days I have been REALLY stressed because I found out that my fiance got laid off from his job due to this corona virus.. and I know that we will be good financially but it's still been very stressful.. So that could definitely be contributing to my anxiety being more heightened today also. I've also started eating foods again the past few days that I felt were contributing to my anxiety too.. which was probably not the best idea but I was actually starting to feel better so I figured I'd try to give it another shot.. but I guess not.. 😕

Every time my anxiety gets this bad I feel like going to the hospital because I really feel like I AM crazy.. I just cant deal with this.. it is so hard.. I feel like I cant even enjoy time with my boys because of how bad I'm struggling.. I'm very short fused with my fiance.. just very emotional.. scared I'm actually going to act on things.. but mostly scared of my thoughts..

Unfortunately my fear has gotten so bad that I've looked up psychosis and schizophrenic symptoms online (worst thing I could've done) and of course my anxiety makes me convinced I have those symptoms.. so I'll be scared I'm really hearing voices.. or that I'm delusional..

Ugh I just need this to go away 😣

I am sure you are a great mom and your sons love you (and likewise!)

the internet and searching psymptoms.. yeah. that can deffenetely raise anxiety. their is so much information out their.

I used to do that myself (after the many times I was convinced I was having a heart attack). I try to avoid it now though

as for corona, that certainly doesn't help with anxiety. we are living in tough times (I suppose we just have to think soon it will be over, soon we can back to normal).

hugs... I am here for you!

I know how hard it is living in constant anxiety. I am diagnosed with OCD and Complex-PTSD.

The best advice I ever got was to learn to tolerate my thoughts and feelings.

This video is pretty spot on in explaining hot to overcome anxiety using ERP (Exposure & Response Prevention) - YouTube

I think it's common to answer to your own questions. You're anxieties are probably coming out in a more subconscious level as your body is relaxing it's way to sleep. I'd compare it to nightmares when we dream about inner fears we have about our life.

It doesn't sound like schizophrenia to me but I'm not trained in this field.

What are you afraid of acting out? So far you mentioned about a job. How do you think you'd hurt someone?