Trapped: long post sorry

I'm so tired but mentally and physically. I'm almost 30 years old with no driver's license, job or normal life of any kind. About 3 years ago I was basically groomed (was easily trusting) went on a trip with a person I knew though Facebook and manipulated into sexual acts. , I I still suffer from flashbacks every so often. I'm also I guess you could say a victim of helicopter parenting . Supposedly I started repeating body parts names after I was told about sex as a child and my parents took me to a child psych. Was told I had ADHD, OCD , depression and anxiety. Mind you my whole family has had very serious health issues since I was the age of 9. Anxiety my older sister had a brain tumor and has been verbally abusive and physically since I can remember. Long story short my mother who had multiple sclerosis and was wheelchair bound died from upper Respiratory failure and sepsis 5 years ago , my sister had a child from basically a one night stand and my dad who's 66 is starting to age and lose some of his memory has all gone on in the last 3 to 5 years. In that time frame I met my now boyfriend and because of past experience with the man who manipulated and another who used me , plus my sister's abuse and continued abuse to my dad I didn't trust well and have obsessive negative thoughts. My boyfriend lives with his elderly mother and her significant other about an hour away. Though all the abuse, trauma of my moms death I haven't got a good name sleep in years. Probably last good sleep I got was towards the end of 2017. My sister lives me or my dad but still effects my life cause she uses her son to get what she wants from my dad. Anyway my lack of sleep is effecting my relationship with my boyfriend, my ability to focus and about everything in day to day life. From a young age I was made a caretaker by default because my mom was so sick. Now that I want to have my own life outside of being a caretaker I feel guilty for leaving my dad to care for himself. Basically I'm just needing engorgement and support right now. Thanks

Once you are in the role of caretaker it's hard to step out of it. And when you do it's even harder to not feel guilty.

You are in a tricky position since(if I understood right) you know your sister can be abusive to your father. You may want to contact elder services when you move out. That way they can do well checks to make sure it's not worse without you there.

But there is no reason you can't move out and live your own life. Yes you will probably feel guilty but you shouldn't. You have been trapped by the role of caretaker for long enough. Let them learn to be responsible for themselves. It will be a learning process and they will probably try to suck you back in. I'm telling you from experience in this the longer you stay and put off your life the harder it is to start. There will always be someone else in the family that needs taking care of and trapped you will stay.

I wish you good luck in extricating yourself and starting your life. I will say it will be hard to be independent without a job. Since you don't have a driver's license I would research the public transit where you are and see what places are hiring that are close to stops. Maybe that would be a good place to start.

Thanks. I meant to say my sister no longer lives with us but still basically tries to control the house . I'm not mad my mom got sick just mad I had to put in that caretaker roal at so young. Unfortunately my boyfriend is in kind of in the same situation only he has his driver's license but cant afford rent somewhere else. I'm in the process of trying to get disability but with this virus stuff that's been delayed . As for public transportation there is none as I live in a rural area. I love my dad don't get me wrong and would be very upset if something happened to him . He can take care of himself but he's starting to show signs of ageing . I just want to have my own life with my boyfriend .