I'm suffering

Hi everyone. I'm new here. I don't really reach out for help, as I really don't trust people. But I'm taking a leap. I suffer from anxiety and panic and it's ruining my life. I live by awful neighbors who trigger my anxiety and panic daily. They are very chaotic, loud, and distruptive. They have large amounts of people I've frequently and the noise and chaos is insane (were on a small shared property). It feels extremely violating, and despite complaining to the landlords, nothing changes. I can't move for various reasons. I'm on here seeking support because it's absolutely insane how anxiety can hijack your mind and body and own you like a slave. I compulsively check outside to look for signs of them having another get together. I am a slave to it. Today I became so upset by how loud they were last night that I was stuck on my couch completely frozen with panic. The physiological response I feel daily is absolutely awful, and I can't live like this. My mental illness is controlling every moment of my life. The fact that I am trapped here while I finish my grad degree and buy my own house has brought me to suicidal thoughts many times. I see a therapist weekly, I've been on meds, none of it helps. Has anyone experienced this? Even if it's not extreme sensitivity to others/noises/chaos and groups of people, but just the obsessions and torment controlling your live? I'm shackled in a prison in my own mind, and I am absolutely suffering. I'm wanting to get a dog as a companion (I lack relationships) and to train it to help me while I'm panicking, but the landlords don't allow dogs. The whole ESA thing is complicated, and has also triggered me to be anxious. Ugh! It's neverending. I just want relief. :'(

ever thought of trying meditation? i think it would help

Yep, she has.

I know you can't move out right now and if you're feeling suicidal over your neighbours, I'd make moving a priority.. anywhere!

I'm sorry to hear you are suffering. You said the landlords don't do anything about the neighbors but perhaps you could complain to the town? Also, you could try earplugs or headphones to help with the noise.