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kompat21
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Default Jun 19, 2020 at 05:50 PM
  #1
Hello everyone, I hope I am ok to ask for help here on this.

I have diagnosed autism, and OCD.

I have a lot of problems with social situations, and one of the people who has always been there for me is my younger sister.

However there is a problem that can make me nervous around her, and I get very anxious and panic when I see her bra strap fall down. I have this problem with all girls, but its especially bad with my sister as I spend a lot of time with her and it happens a lot with her.

Normally if I have a problem I ask her for help and she helps me deal with it, but I dont know how to deal with this.

She did chat to me about the problem when I first started noticing telling me why it happens, that it annoys her as well and what she will do to stop it happening, and getting me to calm down saying it just clothing and nothing to worry about. But the problem carried on and I still panic, I dont know why.

Today was quite a bad day, it kept falling down again and again, and I was struggling to speak, she asked me what was wrong, and I just told her I wanted to spend some time alone and was too scared to tell her that I want her to wear a jacket or jumper like in winter, as it makes me relaxed. She then sent me a text asking if she did something wrong. That is where I am now.

My parents and other sister treat me horrible, its only her who is there for me.
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Smile Jun 20, 2020 at 01:12 PM
  #2
Thanks for sharing your concern here on PC. I don't know what has caused you to develop the reaction to your sister's bra strap you're experiencing. And, personally, I am loathe to speculate.

One thing I will say is that asking your sister to wear jackets or jumpers so you can't see her bra strap is really putting your problem onto her not dealing with what is actually your problem. (From what I've read, though, avoidance is not uncommon in people who struggle with OCD.) However the more appropriate approach, I would think, would be for you to address what you're experiencing rather than to expect your sister to solve the problem for you by changing what she wears.

Since you mentioned you have OCD here are links to 4 articles, from PC's archives, on the subject of Exposure and Response Prevention therapy (ERP) which is, as I understand it, a first-line treatment for these types of concerns. One thing to keep in mind with regard to ERP therapy, though, is that it is important to find a therapist who specializes in this type of therapy:

When to Seek Treatment for OCD

ERP Therapy: A Good Choice for Treating OCD

Exposure and Response Prevention Therapy for OCD

Anxiety and Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) Therapy

Best wishes...

P.S. Family therapist Kati Morton has a video on her YouTube channel on the subject of ERP therapy. Here's a link:

YouTube

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Default Jun 20, 2020 at 01:28 PM
  #3
You seem to have a healthy relationship with your sister and fixing this problem is going to take time.

In the meantime, I wonder if you can both come up with a code word or signal so she can understand where you're coming from. For example, anytime you see her bra strap, tap your shoulder to create awareness so she knows there's a problem for you. It's "your" problem, yes, and she should not be expected to wear a jacket .. but she understands you and wants to help you work through it.

Since her strap bothers "her", it's likely she's not wearing her bra properly or wearing a correct size. This is a very common issue with women wearing the wrong sizes. There are bra hooks/accessories that help prevent straps from falling. It attaches the two straps together in the back.

Are you male or female? Does it make you uncomfortable because bras are associated with sexuality.. and her being your sister in particular, would make you feel uncomfortable?
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Default Jun 24, 2020 at 07:26 AM
  #4
Hello, thank you , I will read what you have said .

Also MsLady I am male, I think the sexuality thing you said might be it yes. I do get the problem with other girls as well when it happens but it is much worse with my sister, when I see it on another girl it is only once and I am able to look at them after a bit of time, but with my sister, it falls down again.

So I should tell her it is still making me nervous and I will tap my shoulder when I am panicking?
I already do something like this with her, if someone is picking on me she told me to send her a message on her phone and she will tell them off, or get me away from them.
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Default Jun 24, 2020 at 10:49 AM
  #5
Dear kompat21
There is a way to tighten the bra strap. From personal experience laundering bras causes the elastic to weaken so tightening becomes necessary. This seems obvious so could you mention to your sister that, for some unknown reason, when you see the strap fall you get anxious. Your sister doesn't realize this could be a trigger for your anxiety. Besides she probably doesn't realize how untidy it appears.
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Default Jun 26, 2020 at 09:57 AM
  #6
Hi Goforward, I am seeing my sister again on Saturday, I was supposed to see her on Tuesday but made an excuse because I was scared, I still am scared.

Just hoping she doesnt get mad at me and tell me off. I will say about tapping my shoulder, and also about making it tighter.
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Default Jun 28, 2020 at 03:35 AM
  #7
My sister picked me up and had a jacket on because it was raining, so I was happy, but she took it off when we got to her house and I was watching to see if she had that summer top on which was causing the problems, and she didnt, but instead another new top which still shows her arms, I noticed again the bra down her arm, she did move it under the top but it made me nervous again. So I tapped my shoulder when she was looking, and she knew why I was nervous. She told me this top will help me as it covers her shoulders, but I will still see the strap down her arm when it falls, , but promised it will only be for a second whilst she pushes it back and it will be less times now. I was really nervous, and when talking I didnt even call it a bra, just her thing, I first said ok, but then she picked up I wasnt happy, and she said are you sure you ok, so I then asked her about tightening it, I said I read on the internet that works, and she said she already told me she would fix it, she promised it wont be as bad as before. I am very glad I managed to say it to her, and she doesnt seem angry at me. But I was still shaking and scared, but it got better the longer I was there, up until she got me a drink when I noticed it fall down her arm again just as she was putting the drink down right in front of me, I was too scared to lift up the glass for a while because of shaking, I did the shoulder tap again so my sister knew why, and she understands now. I asked her if she was angry at me, and she promised me she is not and working together it will get easier. Before I left she told me she noticed I recovered a lot quicker the second time, so she thinks I will be fine without her needing to put on her long sleeved shirt but if she is wrong she will wear it for me as she doesnt want me nervous all the time, and thanked me for telling her. That made me feel much better.

I hope you guys think I did ok.
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Default Jun 29, 2020 at 02:56 PM
  #8
Your sister sounds like a lovely and very caring person. I hope she will forever be in your life. Big hugs to you!
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Default Jul 01, 2020 at 05:02 AM
  #9
She is great yes, if she wasnt around I would be very lonely.
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