Social anxiety (practice with conversations)

Hi there,

I really hope someone can help. I feel like I am mentally deteriorating at a very fast rate.

I have a history of social anxiety disorder, depression, adhd and ptsd. Yeah, all of these are horrible by themselves, and I have a very hard time connecting with people. Living abroad in a foreign country (for work) doesn't help but at the same time, it would be much better than living in my native country at the moment (politics).

Currently, I am struggling a lot with my lack of socializing. I am living abroad in a country where people do not speak English and I do not speak the language. People speak very basic English but not much. I'm concerned because my spouse will be out of the country for 1 month or so, and I start a new job soon, teaching English. Although I thrived at my last job teaching English and all of the students liked me, I had tremendous difficulties speaking with my coworkers. I get really quiet at times and it comes off as stuck-up or rude but people can physically see I am uncomfortable and not wanting to talk.

So, 1) I'm hoping to find people to practice communicating online (just through chat) to practice conversations because I get very little to no socialization with anyone unless it is my spouse, who will be leaving the country briefly. I have difficulties asking questions now. I feel like every question I ask is so stupid, but I do know I am a very bright person, I just have had some really horrific and traumatic things happen (sexual, verbal and physical), and because of that, I have not developed proper social skills and people think I am very weird.

I'd hope to connect with others who have gotten better from their SA. I've had it for about 20 years or so and take medication for it. People have assumed I had OCD but didn't acknowledge it. My spouse said for now, while I am working on my secondary degree and teaching (both of which are very overwhelming) by itself, staying in this country is the best thing for us. I'm just really getting scared of people in general, and I even have a hard time talking to my parents (we have a loving yet distant relationship, although they are amazing parents). I just really need help and I cannot afford therapy at all, I looked into it (and when I was living in my home country, I would go to see a psychologist AND psychiatrist once per week). It has been very difficult without access to mental health. My spouse loves me so much and is also trained in Psychology like myself, but he isn't my therapist and it is unfair for me to 'force him' to be. He said he is constantly drained by me even though he loves me very much (he understands my upbringing/all of my trauma and has seen how my trauma has affected me).

I've tried looking up Pragmatics which is an area I really struggle in the most, so I hope to find someone to work with on this too. I am looking for more so a friend because I cannot make any friends where I am living and I am just so tired of feeling alone. I want to connect with others but I am so deathly afraid of everything now. Anyway, hope this doesn't come off as too pathetic. I just really need help. Thanks in advance if you read all of my ramblings.

Welcome to Psych Central, lavenderbuttercup. Two forums, here on PC, that may be of particular interest to you would be the Survivors of Abuse forum & the Self Injury forum. Here are links to these forums just in case you haven't already found them:

https://psychcentralforums.com/survivors-of-abuse/

https://psychcentralforums.com/self-injury/

And then here are links to a selection of 9 articles, from Psych Central's archives, that may be of interest:

Social Anxiety Overview | Psych Central

6 Ways to Overcome Social Anxiety

Overcoming Social Anxiety the Alchemist's Way

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/savvy...dium=popular17

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/savvy...dium=popular17

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/savvy...dium=popular17

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/savvy...-brain-part-4/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/imper...tional-wounds/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to...idal-thoughts/

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.