[DarkDevil26]

My friends wanted to break me out of my shell last night. They decided to take me to a bar, one of those typical college bars where people go and get drunk out of their minds, typical college party environment. I have had really bad experiences with the whole party environment. I have had anxiety attacks each and every time when going to a party like environment. Last night was no different. I went to the bar and was shaking, quiet, I could hardly focus. It was obvious that I was having a panic attack. We didn't even enter the bar because we didn't have masks so I had an anxiety attack while waiting on line to go in. I don't know, I guess I wasn't really comfortable with the people there, or the environment, but I know I need to break out of my shell. But I felt last night was a massive failure. It truly makes me wonder if I'll ever get over my crippling social anxiety. I want to meet new people. I feel theres a whole world I'm missing out on because of my anxiety. I just don't know what to do anymore about this. My anxiety is holding me back so much and preventing me from opening new doors. It's just so frustrating. What do I even do at this point? I'm just at a loss and feel extremely helpless.

Hi DarkDevil. Anxiety is no fun. I am older than you and I too have experienced panic attacks while hanging out in social settings in public with people. I too feel like, if I don't go out and socialize, I am missing out. So it feels like a Catch-22 situation.

One time, I went out with a large group and we had fun. I got home but was so wired from being around so many people that I'm not used to, I had an asthma attack and was up all night.

Another time, I went out by myself to listen to some music at a very small venue. I had a great time. But, when I got home, it was midnight, and again, I had an asthma attack and was up all night from the anxiety of being out alone, anxiety about my asthma attack (my asthma gets triggered by my anxiety a lot), and the albuterol that makes the heart race, gave me anxiety.

The only advice I can offer, is to know your limits and set them with people and do not do anything to please other people. They don't understand how complex anxiety is as a disorder. It can be triggered by everything or nothing.

Next time, set a limit. Tell your friends you can only hang out with so-and-so, and such-and-such venue. Or just at your place. Until you feel less anxious. Take baby steps. Do not let them guilt trip you or mock you, in order to get you to come and hang out with them. If they do anything like tease you, then they are not being good friends to you.

You are not helpless. But, the hard part is you have to take control of your life. You have to set limits and create boundaries with people. Some people will be ok with that.

Others, who view you as more of an acquaintance will make you feel bad about yourself for setting limits that keep you comfortable, that may interfere with their intentions with you.

You are young, but you can do this. Stop letting other people dictate your social life. It's YOUR social life. You call the shots. The people who care about you, will respect that.

[DarkDevil26]

Originally Posted by Motts

Hi DarkDevil. Anxiety is no fun. I am older than you and I too have experienced panic attacks while hanging out in social settings in public with people. I too feel like, if I don't go out and socialize, I am missing out. So it feels like a Catch-22 situation.

One time, I went out with a large group and we had fun. I got home but was so wired from being around so many people that I'm not used to, I had an asthma attack and was up all night.

Another time, I went out by myself to listen to some music at a very small venue. I had a great time. But, when I got home, it was midnight, and again, I had an asthma attack and was up all night from the anxiety of being out alone, anxiety about my asthma attack (my asthma gets triggered by my anxiety a lot), and the albuterol that makes the heart race, gave me anxiety.

The only advice I can offer, is to know your limits and set them with people and do not do anything to please other people. They don't understand how complex anxiety is as a disorder. It can be triggered by everything or nothing.

Next time, set a limit. Tell your friends you can only hang out with so-and-so, and such-and-such venue. Or just at your place. Until you feel less anxious. Take baby steps. Do not let them guilt trip you or mock you, in order to get you to come and hang out with them. If they do anything like tease you, then they are not being good friends to you.

You are not helpless. But, the hard part is you have to take control of your life. You have to set limits and create boundaries with people. Some people will be ok with that.

Others, who view you as more of an acquaintance will make you feel bad about yourself for setting limits that keep you comfortable, that may interfere with their intentions with you.

You are young, but you can do this. Stop letting other people dictate your social life. It's YOUR social life. You call the shots. The people who care about you, will respect that.

I really wanted to just break out of my shell, I’m so tired of not feeling connected to other people, so I’d thought I’d try this, I was hesitant on going, but in the end it didn’t work out. I want to be more social, meet new people, create new friendships, and maybe even find a romantic partner, but I can’t do any of that until I get out of my own way. I feel theres a whole world I’m missing out on.

Well you can break out of your shell. How you do that, though, is the problem. Obviously, going out with a group of people to a bar will trigger your anxiety attacks. So, don't do that again.

What can you think of suggesting to your circle of friends that you could handle, socially, that won't trigger your anxiety.

[AceRimmer]

Originally Posted by DarkDevil26

I really wanted to just break out of my shell, I’m so tired of not feeling connected to other people, so I’d thought I’d try this, I was hesitant on going, but in the end it didn’t work out. I want to be more social, meet new people, create new friendships, and maybe even find a romantic partner, but I can’t do any of that until I get out of my own way. I feel theres a whole world I’m missing out on.

I don't think this pandemic is a good time to do that. I know lots of people are ignoring that though. How long have you had panic attacks when being around people?

[DarkDevil26]

Originally Posted by Motts

Well you can break out of your shell. How you do that, though, is the problem. Obviously, going out with a group of people to a bar will trigger your anxiety attacks. So, don't do that again.

What can you think of suggesting to your circle of friends that you could handle, socially, that won't trigger your anxiety.

Thats the thing really, most social events trigger my anxiety and if its not with the same 3 people I’ll feel it as well. I don’t want that anymore. I want to meet new people. I want to form new relationships. I guess I was just so desperate to do so I agreed to go to a bar.

[DarkDevil26]

Originally Posted by AceRimmer

I don't think this pandemic is a good time to do that. I know lots of people are ignoring that though. How long have you had panic attacks when being around people?

Since high school. And I’m 23 now, so about 8 years give or take.

[kompat21]

Hi, I have the same problem.

Some people seem to think its good for us to be forced into these situations, but i have rarely had a good experience, I think the only time I had a reasonable experience was when I was at a disco for my sisters birthday, and my sister told her partner to keep anyone away from me who was likely to make me nervous.

My usual experience is that I panic, I shake when holding a glass, which makes me scared to pick up the glass as people may notice it, I become very quiet as I am scared of saying something stupid, people then pick up on that I am quiet, and attention gets drawn to me which makes it even worse. On one occasion my sister took me to a pub, and people started picking on me, almost the entire pub, my sister rushed me out of there and said she will never ask me to do that again.

For me I think the problem is because I used to get bullied at school, and I am basically scared of been around people all my life because of that.

So at least its good to find other people on here who have the same problems.

[DarkDevil26]

Originally Posted by kompat21

Hi, I have the same problem.

Some people seem to think its good for us to be forced into these situations, but i have rarely had a good experience, I think the only time I had a reasonable experience was when I was at a disco for my sisters birthday, and my sister told her partner to keep anyone away from me who was likely to make me nervous.

My usual experience is that I panic, I shake when holding a glass, which makes me scared to pick up the glass as people may notice it, I become very quiet as I am scared of saying something stupid, people then pick up on that I am quiet, and attention gets drawn to me which makes it even worse. On one occasion my sister took me to a pub, and people started picking on me, almost the entire pub, my sister rushed me out of there and said she will never ask me to do that again.

For me I think the problem is because I used to get bullied at school, and I am basically scared of been around people all my life because of that.

So at least its good to find other people on here who have the same problems.

I was bullied at school too, borderline abused. I just don’t enjoy any social situations anymore, because I feel I can’t relate to people. I have been forcing myself out, but I just can’t relate at all to other people. At school, people knew I craved friendship, and they took advantage of that and manipulated me. They made me think friendships like that were normal. I don’t know man, the amount of stuff I’ve been through. I just don’t even leave my room and feel safe. Whether its being torn down for not being able to do simple things by my parents, being bullied, I don’t know I’m just at the end of my rope. It’s clear to me I can’t relate to anyone and can’t function in this world. I’m just a lost soul.