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Default Jul 03, 2020 at 11:44 AM
  #1
Have you ever isolated yourself to the point of never going off your block, only to do the garbage & get the mail? Not even see a doctor, dentist, barber or shopping?

That's me. I moved recently but back to isolation. I don't like it. I'm 49. I want to start functioning normally. I don't want to wait until things/my health get worse. I just don't want to feel the anxiety/panic outside. So far I can't find a walking buddy here in NYC. To make matters worse, I am pretty much homeless, living at my elderly Mom's place which is not permanent. I am looking into CUCS Housing & I think I have to get a new psychiatric evaluation by a psych doc bc I have not been seeing anyone for years or taking any meds anymore. The whole process can be overwhelming. The only plus is I have SSI.

A part of me feels like not fighting bc our world is broken anyway.
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Post Jul 03, 2020 at 11:02 PM
  #2
I just read Your message. Thank You for sharing that . It's weird cause I feel bad I don't visit groups here or forums as much as I did when I first joined in 2013. But when I do I run across messages like yours I can relate to .
I too am 49. In originally from Brooklyn but my dad threw me out when I was 14 and I had to live with relatives in western New York (long story )
But I wanted to write about isolating ....I too have ( and especially now ) isolated to the point where I couldn't leave my own apt . I would look out window for when mail came if I got mail I'd make sure no one was around then go out and get it real quick. When I worked in my 20s and 30s I sought out jobs in warehouses working 2nd or 3rd shifts not alit people work those shifts especially 3rd
I'd shoot once a week for what I needed and stay in when I wasn't working. I lived without a phone for 3 years twice in my life ...and when I felt like that if a friend stop by I shut lights and wouldnf answer the door
I didn't know it then that I was mentally ill. . there were times in my life I was able to socialize ...I felt so full of life I could do anything but that feeling was always fleeting and I went back to isolating
I had to go on SSD years ago because of a severe anxiety attack ...people around me told paramedics I just passed out fell straight back hit my head so hard I had seizures . .after CTscans Des said I couldn't work anymore
I started going to a program after living in couple group homes and was able to live in my own again
I had a wonderful counselor who helped me so much. .I was even able to volunteer at a local skilled nursing facility for several years
Then I "crashed".. I was volunteering 3-4 days a week 10 hours a day .....I git to know the residents so we'll they were like family. After several years I couldn't take them passing away and I had another breakdown and was hospitalized twice
Since then I started isolating again and worse my counselor had to retire . . I do take meds but my counselor I have now don't understand me .. he tells me to get out more ....he thinks it's easy . We always end up arguing and I walk out of session. .even now with phones sessions I get so mad ...they won't switch counselors for me especially with pandemic and I have to see)talk to him at least once every 3 months
Now we get hit with pandemic .. I'm able to order groceries and supplies to be delivered ....I'm doing the same watching for mailman than getting mail real quick and coming back inside
Actually I don't care if I git virus but I stay safe and if I really need to go out I wear a mask . I di my best not to get virus for fear of infecting others without knowing so this pandemic giving me a reason to isolate more ...tho I feel like all the progress I made I'm falling back again
Been feeling so alone ... I text a few friends now and then my sister lives across street but she rather hang out with her friends as they drink and do other drugs .. stuff I don't do anymore ( well I used to drink tho stayed away from other drugs).
Again my counselor says it's my fault I don't hang out with her and her friends. He doesn't get it that I can't be around all that especially with virus still spreading
I'm not sure if what I wrote helped or not. I do my best to stay strong everyday mostly for my PC friends who I visit regularly here which is why I haven't been to groups and forums alot
I'd like to get into my art work again but have no motivation. I take my meds regularly. Or else I'd be 100x worse
I do have a little garden out back I care for every other day. It too keeps me going watching something grow
I just want You to know I understand and Your not alone. .Do Your best to hang in there and Please stay safe ok
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Default Jul 04, 2020 at 10:44 AM
  #3
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Originally Posted by MaverickLovesYou View Post
Have you ever isolated yourself to the point of never going off your block, only to do the garbage & get the mail? Not even see a doctor, dentist, barber or shopping?

That's me. I moved recently but back to isolation. I don't like it. I'm 49. I want to start functioning normally. I don't want to wait until things/my health get worse. I just don't want to feel the anxiety/panic outside. So far I can't find a walking buddy here in NYC. To make matters worse, I am pretty much homeless, living at my elderly Mom's place which is not permanent. I am looking into CUCS Housing & I think I have to get a new psychiatric evaluation by a psych doc bc I have not been seeing anyone for years or taking any meds anymore. The whole process can be overwhelming. The only plus is I have SSI.

A part of me feels like not fighting bc our world is broken anyway.


yes

in fact: this whole pandemic has made me realise how little I leave the house, and how often I just stay inside

someone asked me what do you miss during lockdown, and honestly I couldn't answer it

when all this is over, people will go back to their daily lives and their daily work or what ever, not me: I'll just continue living life in quaranteen
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Default Jul 04, 2020 at 02:28 PM
  #4
@sadp8r
Thank you for your helpful reply. Just communicating with others like myself makes me feel less alone. I have to add more to my profile but I too am from Brooklyn. My Dad passed when I was 14. What anxiety med are you on now? I'm thinking of Buspar again. I was on it when I got better from high anxiety in 1991. Either it was just me going out again or Buspar really did help. It's mild so hard to tell. I don't like SSRI's or benzos but will use a benzo if needed. I use natural supplements at bedtime like Magnesium, B-Complex & extra B6 & a lil Tylenol. Yes I forgot to add this coronavirus makes things harder. I also am ordering groceries online Thank God. I will do my best to hang in there & stay safe. You do the same. God Bless
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Default Jul 04, 2020 at 02:34 PM
  #5
@raging vortex
I hope you find your way. If that means going out, I hope it happens for you. Stay safe. God Bless
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Default Jul 04, 2020 at 03:48 PM
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Originally Posted by MaverickLovesYou View Post
@sadp8r
Thank you for your helpful reply. Just communicating with others like myself makes me feel less alone. I have to add more to my profile but I too am from Brooklyn. My Dad passed when I was 14. What anxiety med are you on now? I'm thinking of Buspar again. I was on it when I got better from high anxiety in 1991. Either it was just me going out again or Buspar really did help. It's mild so hard to tell. I don't like SSRI's or benzos but will use a benzo if needed. I use natural supplements at bedtime like Magnesium, B-Complex & extra B6 & a lil Tylenol. Yes I forgot to add this coronavirus makes things harder. I also am ordering groceries online Thank God. I will do my best to hang in there & stay safe. You do the same. God Bless


I love ordering stuff online

especially using amazon. that site has everything
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Default Jul 04, 2020 at 05:45 PM
  #7
Yeah right now im just trying to get thru this heat wave. 3 days in the 90's so far, probably a week to go. I got no reason to go outside.
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Default Jul 04, 2020 at 06:26 PM
  #8
@unaluna
One day at a time. I know what that feels like. Stay cool. Be safe. God Bless
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Default Jul 04, 2020 at 09:44 PM
  #9
I was in a severe depression for over a year. I barricaded myself in my apartment and only went out once a month at 2 in the morning to drop off my check and pick up the mail. The post office finally put a note in my box that I had to pick up my mail at the post office. I didn't go for months. Thankfully I get auto deposit SSDI and could guessamated my bills and pay them online. I ran out of food but would order a large bunch of food once a month and lived on that until it ran out too. Finally I got myself to the psychological emergency center and took meds again. It was a very dark time.

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Smile Jul 05, 2020 at 02:47 PM
  #10
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Originally Posted by MaverickLovesYou View Post
@sadp8r
Thank you for your helpful reply. Just communicating with others like myself makes me feel less alone. I have to add more to my profile but I too am from Brooklyn. My Dad passed when I was 14. What anxiety med are you on now? I'm thinking of Buspar again. I was on it when I got better from high anxiety in 1991. Either it was just me going out again or Buspar really did help. It's mild so hard to tell. I don't like SSRI's or benzos but will use a benzo if needed. I use natural supplements at bedtime like Magnesium, B-Complex & extra B6 & a lil Tylenol. Yes I forgot to add this coronavirus makes things harder. I also am ordering groceries online Thank God. I will do my best to hang in there & stay safe. You do the same. God Bless
Hi glad You're hanging in there too ...I take Zoloft ,lamictal,and risperdal... Mostly for my bipolar and depression .. tho they meds we take can help with other illnesses .. my depression would be 100x worse if I didn't take my meds which means my isolation would become severe . It's happens years ago before I was able to get insurance I had to stop taking meds cause I couldn't afford them. I got so depressed I was more or less comatose
I really feel this time this pandemic has caused these symptoms to come back my sister has barbeques over her friends house now cause I told her I don't want to be around all that drinking ( plus they also do other drugs ) and her friends boyfriend is very abusive I just don't want to be around him too with all going on
She lives right across moved up here from Brooklyn a few years ago after out dad passed away ...for years we always talked about how we'd live close by and visit each. Have coffee together ,barbeque. Etc. .
But she hangs out with her friend and that guy all the time . The only time I see her is when I walk her dog
Now I get no visitors . Like I'm really isolated from the world again. . worse her and her friends don't take this virus serious
I'm also worried as I need my scripts filled this month I hope my psychiatrist will email them to pharmacy without having me see her like she did in April or else I'd have to go out to see her ... So many more people out and about in July and alot don't wear masks
I've been on PC alot more to connect with others these days
I guess the best we can do is take it one day at a time. I still believe by staying home we save lives . When you think of it that way at least we care about others more and are saving lives slowing down the spread
Keep hanging in there ..I will too ok . And Please stay safe.
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Default Jul 07, 2020 at 02:23 PM
  #11
@Nammu, @sadp8r
Yes I am seriously considering Buspar again. I need a crutch. I did try to go out more when on meds. I kinda didn't like feeling like a victim under meds but I think I was just fooling myself
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Default Jul 09, 2020 at 02:46 AM
  #12
Strange how different people are...I would LOVE to not go off the 'block", as it were. Not even COVID got me time off work because, lucky ME, I am essential. People in certain areas are complaining about being stuck at home. I WISH. I have so much to do at the house.

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Default Jul 25, 2020 at 11:08 AM
  #13
This has been a fairly new issue for me. i don't even think I knew I had an issue until I joined here. I will try my best to go outside when no one is around. In fact if neighbors are out I'll often go back in immediately.

In fact now that I think about it I only check my mail a couple times a week. I typically pre-order groceries and anything I can if it's something I can't get online.

I will visit my parents but for short periods of time. After an hour or two I start getting an overwhelming urge that I need to go back home.

Sorry you are dealing with this.
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Heart Dec 02, 2022 at 09:06 PM
  #14
Quote:
Originally Posted by MaverickLovesYou View Post
Have you ever isolated yourself to the point of never going off your block, only to do the garbage & get the mail? Not even see a doctor, dentist, barber or shopping?

That's me. I moved recently but back to isolation. I don't like it. I'm 49. I want to start functioning normally. I don't want to wait until things/my health get worse. I just don't want to feel the anxiety/panic outside. So far I can't find a walking buddy here in NYC. To make matters worse, I am pretty much homeless, living at my elderly Mom's place which is not permanent. I am looking into CUCS Housing & I think I have to get a new psychiatric evaluation by a psych doc bc I have not been seeing anyone for years or taking any meds anymore. The whole process can be overwhelming. The only plus is I have SSI.

A part of me feels like not fighting bc our world is broken anyway.
I feel like this all the time.

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Dear Diary today will be different today I can smile it will be genuine because today is the day I get to live.

This life will be good and beautiful, but not without heartbreak.

In death come peace. But pain is the cost of living.

Like love, it's how we know we're alive.

And life goes on.

That my life weird, messy, complicated, sad, wonderful, amazing, and above all epic and I owe all to Stephen. - Eleanor Gilbert Vampire Diaries
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Heart Dec 02, 2022 at 09:07 PM
  #15
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Originally Posted by sadp8r View Post
I just read Your message. Thank You for sharing that . It's weird cause I feel bad I don't visit groups here or forums as much as I did when I first joined in 2013. But when I do I run across messages like yours I can relate to .
I too am 49. In originally from Brooklyn but my dad threw me out when I was 14 and I had to live with relatives in western New York (long story )
But I wanted to write about isolating ....I too have ( and especially now ) isolated to the point where I couldn't leave my own apt . I would look out window for when mail came if I got mail I'd make sure no one was around then go out and get it real quick. When I worked in my 20s and 30s I sought out jobs in warehouses working 2nd or 3rd shifts not alit people work those shifts especially 3rd
I'd shoot once a week for what I needed and stay in when I wasn't working. I lived without a phone for 3 years twice in my life ...and when I felt like that if a friend stop by I shut lights and wouldnf answer the door
I didn't know it then that I was mentally ill. . there were times in my life I was able to socialize ...I felt so full of life I could do anything but that feeling was always fleeting and I went back to isolating
I had to go on SSD years ago because of a severe anxiety attack ...people around me told paramedics I just passed out fell straight back hit my head so hard I had seizures . .after CTscans Des said I couldn't work anymore
I started going to a program after living in couple group homes and was able to live in my own again
I had a wonderful counselor who helped me so much. .I was even able to volunteer at a local skilled nursing facility for several years
Then I "crashed".. I was volunteering 3-4 days a week 10 hours a day .....I git to know the residents so we'll they were like family. After several years I couldn't take them passing away and I had another breakdown and was hospitalized twice
Since then I started isolating again and worse my counselor had to retire . . I do take meds but my counselor I have now don't understand me .. he tells me to get out more ....he thinks it's easy . We always end up arguing and I walk out of session. .even now with phones sessions I get so mad ...they won't switch counselors for me especially with pandemic and I have to see)talk to him at least once every 3 months
Now we get hit with pandemic .. I'm able to order groceries and supplies to be delivered ....I'm doing the same watching for mailman than getting mail real quick and coming back inside
Actually I don't care if I git virus but I stay safe and if I really need to go out I wear a mask . I di my best not to get virus for fear of infecting others without knowing so this pandemic giving me a reason to isolate more ...tho I feel like all the progress I made I'm falling back again
Been feeling so alone ... I text a few friends now and then my sister lives across street but she rather hang out with her friends as they drink and do other drugs .. stuff I don't do anymore ( well I used to drink tho stayed away from other drugs).
Again my counselor says it's my fault I don't hang out with her and her friends. He doesn't get it that I can't be around all that especially with virus still spreading
I'm not sure if what I wrote helped or not. I do my best to stay strong everyday mostly for my PC friends who I visit regularly here which is why I haven't been to groups and forums alot
I'd like to get into my art work again but have no motivation. I take my meds regularly. Or else I'd be 100x worse
I do have a little garden out back I care for every other day. It too keeps me going watching something grow
I just want You to know I understand and Your not alone. .Do Your best to hang in there and Please stay safe ok
My mom isolated me from everyone.

__________________
Everyone can do magic - Cassie Nightgale the good witch.

Dear Diary today will be different today I can smile it will be genuine because today is the day I get to live.

This life will be good and beautiful, but not without heartbreak.

In death come peace. But pain is the cost of living.

Like love, it's how we know we're alive.

And life goes on.

That my life weird, messy, complicated, sad, wonderful, amazing, and above all epic and I owe all to Stephen. - Eleanor Gilbert Vampire Diaries
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