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Old 09-14-2020, 03:09 PM   #1
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Default Fear of Psychosis

Hi guys,
I love to get your opinion about my problem:
I (21 M) had a rather traumatic experience with marijuana about two months ago. The intoxication triggered a panic attack, the first one in my life, mind you. Since then I have had symptoms of depersonalization/derealization and the associated existential thoughts, visual problems and general alienation, as well as anxiety and constant worries that I might have triggered a psychosis through this consumption.
Generally nothing new, I understand that many people have had these fears after a traumatic experience with marijuana. Nevertheless, as a hypochondriac I started googling diligently and of course my symptoms got worse. After weeks of sleepless nights and continuous worries, I couldn't stand it anymore at some point and just wanted answers to my many questions.
I went to two psychiatrists who assured me that I had nothing but a mixture of anxiety, OCD and depressive moods. I have tried to accept this diagnosis, I really have. I tried to distract myself, walked outside a lot and meditated daily. I also spent a lot of time with my parents and friends, which certainly improved my mental state.
However, lately I have had symptoms that really worry me and make it really hard to accept my diagnosis:
I noticed that i am having sudden memory, taste and thought pop ups in my head. I don't feel the taste but the thought of the taste of a food suddenly comes to my mind. It is so hard to explain, I suddenly recall a memory from my childhood, dreams, unrelated events in the past. Also, these thoughts happen, when i am not focusing on anything, they just kinda pop up. I might also need to mention that these mind pops have been getting waaaayy worse after i read online that this ´phenomenon´ is usually more common with schizophrenia. So are these just intrusive thoughts and signs of an overworked mind and due to my over-awareness? Maybe racing thoughts? Or something much worse?
I would love to get some opinions in, because i am starting to get worried about this whole thing.
Many thanks in advance!
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Old 09-15-2020, 11:56 AM   #2
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Default Re: Fear of Psychosis

Severe anxiety can in fact cause delusions, at least that is what...uh...I read on the internet. I have also experienced this recently when I could have sworn that i was walking around in a dream, or that I was dead and was walking around in the afterlife, which i knew was wrong because I don't believe in an afterlife. I'm still having problems with it in my case I think it has to do with all of the terrible things going on in the world right now, like every time one checks the news these days it's literally like "What fresh hell is this!"

Anxiety is Often the Cause of Delusions.

This should be link to an article anxiety and delusions.
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Old 09-16-2020, 04:23 PM   #3
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Default Re: Fear of Psychosis

Well, well, well...

The synchronicity of my own life rears its head once again through the agency of another. You don't have psychosis; or if you do, it's a symptom of what you, and most others, do not properly perceive in your day to day life.

"Since then I have had symptoms of depersonalization/derealization and the associated existential thoughts..."

Simply put, you have opened your inner eye a bit and taken in a bit too much of the universe in one go. It happens. It's called the Pattern, and it's the web of probabilities that flows through everything and binds us all together. Rather than keep going in this vein and risking sounding like a cheap imitation of Yoda, let's simply say that through the medium of marijuana (it's called a medicine for a reason...) you saw the Untempered Schism like in Dr. Who. You caught a glimpse of the intransigence of life and now have horrible fears and questions circling in your mind. Am I in the ball park? Felt like the universe was trying to jam down infinity into a finite mind?

Breathe. That is the only cure. Be in this moment and no others. There's no way to un-see it, unfortunately, and it never goes away. It's like a Pandora's box, but you're young. 21. Your brain hasn't even finished growing in certain regions. Just know that the perception of time is a lot longer than the conscious envisioning of it. A decade will take a lot longer to pass than it currently feels like to you. I had something similar happen once in prison that resulted in me staring at the wall every day in a semi-comatose state for six weeks except for standing count or to give away my meals. I wanted to stay in that twilight state of reduced sensation and much slower thought, and the only thing I could call it at the time was terminal depression. I lost 22 pounds in six weeks and it wasn't until some other people forced me to start eating that I came out of it, even though I could feel the pull of lethargy and wanting to simply return to being numb.

Another cure? Occupy your mind. Read physics. The Conformal Cyclic Cosmology. Kaluza-Klein. The Banach-Tarski Paradox. The Sapir-Whorf theory. Bohmian Mechanics. The DeBroglie-Bohm Model. You'll be too busy being amazed at how the hell something so intricate and absolutely mathematically perfect could simply spring into being (there's over 200 variables that have to be correct AND scientists now think that the early expansion period of the universe was "fine-tuned" using unfathomable amounts of energy for reasons unknown beyond to set up for life to be possible--no, really).

Hope you feel better, friend. You're not alone in your existential crisis.
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