Today I'm moving out of state, all by myself, and I'm paralyzed with fear

I've never lived anywhere but Southern California. In fact, I have lived on the same street for almost 50 years!

I have BPD and my ex-FP (favorite person) dumped me in May. I have been devastated ever since.

It's too tempting for me to even live in the same state as he does.
I want to drive by his house and stalk him, but I don't want to be that kind of person.

So I made a drastic decision to move, solo, 1600 miles away to Nebraska.
I don't know anyone there and I'm really scared.

I had to pack and prepare all by myself. Nobody helped me.
I thought I had friends but they didn't come to assist me.
No one has said goodbye or that they will miss me.

I can't believe I haven't had a mental breakdown yet.

Today is moving day and I still feel like there's so much to do.
I haven't slept in 2 days and I don't have a route planned out or anything.
It doesn't seem real yet.

I thought my ex-FP would contact me by now and I would cancel my plans to move but that hasn't happened.

Do you think I should try to postpone the move until I feel more stable?
Am I too fragile for this big of a change?
Or should I just say hell with it and take off?

I'm trying to see this as an adventure but it just feels like a punishment.
My anxiety is through the roof. The doctor took me off my meds last year and it has been traumatic trying to adjust to life without them.

If it feels like a punishment, maybe you should postpone if you can. I don't know. I think there will always be some anxiety around moving, but I would want some feeling of adventure and excitement too.