Anxious about Thanksgiving and being around toxic parents

Is anyone else anxious about having to spend time with toxic parents or other toxic people this Thanksgiving? This year won't be as bad since my husband and I got a hotel, and w'ere going out to dinner the day afterwards to that my sister who still lives at home can have dinner at home with them.

We don't get along with each other and we haven't spoken to each other or seen each other in four or five years. My sister told my parents that my husband and I are both banned from coming to my parents house even for a few hours for dinner. She refuses to leave the house.

I have tried being nice to her for years, but all she did was use me when I had good credit. Then she tossed me aside after I stopped buying stuff for her and taking her out She used guys for places to stay at and for money too. She has also called me names like fat (I used to be bullimic, so that's a low blow), She is a fake person and a party girl. All she cares about is her luxury car, her friends, and material things.

We'll be driving 6-7 hours to get there and we haven't been to my parents house in years. They have always come to see us where we live every year except this year because of the virus.

They don't want to take risks now, especially my mom since they're old. I'm upset and even my husband said that my sister is being rude and mean. My parents favor my younger sister although she is a career criminal who has went so far as to commit identity theft with her ex husband who got caught and deported.

She's bipolar but not getting treatment or taking meds. My dad is probably a narcissict, and my mom favors my sister too. She has a lot of issues and has some kind of paranoid disorder.

I have anxiety and depression but I'm getting therapy and I'm on medication thought. I have tried to reconcile with my nasty jealous sister, but she ignored me and my dad is confusing me by telling me to reconcile with her but then he tells me that she wants nothing to do with me.

WTH? She is ashamed of me and my parents too because of my issues. They say it's all in my head. She is trying to turn them against me. They have done a lot with her, but not with me. They pay for everything even though she had a good job, even for a cup of coffee.

I needed insurance and we're not doing well financially, and I begged for help and still didn't get it because I wouldn't agree to my dad being able to have full access to what we spend money on as he's a control freak.

Even my husband thought it was a bad idea. He is disgusting, he said he only had enough money for one daughter and that since I'm married, I'm taken care of and don't need him. We almost lost our house at one point, and he did nothing to help us!

My husband is to proud to ask for help too. She is very jealous of me since I'm married, I live in a house, I have a good life compared to most people, and that I got to travel to a lot of nice places in the past. She had to go on trips with my parents in the past and she'd clash with my dad often.

She even went so far as to attack me from behind when I talked about her past and that I didn't think that she was innocent like she said she was. So long story short, she bruised and scratched up my face and i said I'd call the cops, but my husband and my parents forbid me to.

They never punished her and they never said sorry or asked how i was doing or how my face was. They ignored me and they still act like it was all my fault. The snake videotaped at the end before they came and lied about what happened. Not her first fight for sure, ha. She's gone to jail for attacking her ex b.f before too. Again, she said he attacked her.

I told them I'd get up and leave if they yell at me or bring her up. They're already being a pain by whining about the restaurant and how expensive it is. They have money, they are just super cheap. We're going to split the bill anyways.

I don'g want to go, but I need to because it's family, ugh! I'll get a LYFT and leave if they are nasty to me. My dad doesn't care about yelling at me mom or I in public. He'll be nice to my husband, but he's a sexist pig and my husband never sticks up for me. He told me I need to just put up with them since they're old and my parents.

If anyone has any stories to share, or advice to give me, I'd appreciate it. I'm the black sheep and she's the golden child. This isn't fair.

For extra clarification, my sister used to have good jobs, but she couldn't keep them for long. I'm not sure why. My mom said she'd come in late a lot. And she is a party girl too. She also declared bankruptcy in her early 20's. She's in her mid 40's now and I'm almost 50. if that helps. We got along with each other OK as kids, but once I changed, her attitude did too and she became embarassed of me once her friends started to ask her what's wrong with me.

This is the perfect year to stay home to stay safe from the pandemic. It’s not worth your while to go when your family is so toxic.

I’ve had a lot of stress with holidays, too. I’ve learned to keep it really small and with just my husband and kids. It’s just not going to be the idealized holiday the media crams down our throats. That’s make believe.

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It sure is! My dad is a narcissist though and my husband can't say no to him although he's not normally a pushover. He was raised to be respectful and nice to old people no matter how mean and crazy they are.

He'll throw a temper tantrum and accuse me of not wanting to see him. He kept asking, or more like pushing me to let him and my mom come over here for months so he could see one of his only friends up here.

\He only changed his mind because his friend did after we moved into the purple restricted zone here. I hate him, but my husband makes me keep in touch with them and he told me that they'll cut me out of the will if I sever ties with them.

I doubt I'll get anything anyways and that my brat sister will get almost everything and leave just enough for my mom to get by. maybe.

I tried explaining things to my dad, and he should know better, but he doesn't care. He's bored and needs attention now, ugh!

So I'm stuck for now!

I agree with Tisha. You have the perfect excuse not to go this year. From what I have seen, in the US, the official advice is not to travel for the holiday. Your parents are elderly so more at risk.

Also, no one can make you keep in touch with someone if you don't want to. You have every right to set boundaries and limit/cut off contact if they are causing so much stress. You say you are in therapy, so maybe you can work with your therapist on this.

It's hard to reframe these relationships, I know. I've been in a similar situation with my family. But, you can do it.

Tell them the government ordered no thanksgiving outside of only the people you live with this year. They say ‘if you see them this you, you won’t ever see them at thanksgiving again!’

Are you supposed to go eat at their house or have them at yours? Seriously, this year is a reason to set a boundary.