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Old 10-13-2018, 09:45 PM #11
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Confused Re: Attachment/obsession with strong female figures

I'm obsessed with any woman who may be assertive-be it a neighbor a teacher or even a cashier! I dream about them and imagine them hugging me, holding me and whispering positive affirmations into my ear.
I try giving that to myself, but somehow its not the same... what I really need is a mother.
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Old 02-23-2019, 05:00 PM #12
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Default Re: Attachment/obsession with strong female figures

Hi there, i am late into this conversation but reading these have been a breath of fresh for me and so comforting as this has been a huge issue affecting my whole life since being a young child and continues to affect me as an adult in the present day. I have a diagnosis , of bipolar however am very aware that this is a huge factor affecting or at least in conjunction with my moods.
I have been receiving psychotherapy for my attachment issues, i certainly have anxious/preoccupied attachment style and this always shows itself with older women in a position of caring for me, and who i see as inspirations to me. I put these women on
pedistools and feel the need to tell them all the time how much they mean to me and what they have done for me.
Obviously these feelings are very intense and inevitably not them same for the other person, and i know that so i end up fantasising (as a form of self soothing) that they are comforting me like a mother and being a big part of my life like i wanted my own mother to be.
My anxiety is triggered so easily by a lack of contact from an attachment figure, i know that this stems from a fear of abandonment by a mother figure and of course it is all my fault that they have left me because i have pushed them away with my obsessive and intrusive behaviour. Typical behaviour of an anxiously attached person.
I am trying to get better at managing this, self soothing and self care, not needed reassurance from others all the time and being able to look after my inner child etc, but i do keep falling into this pattern of behaviour its affecting the management of my moods and anxiety.
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Old 02-23-2019, 05:11 PM #13
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Default Re: Attachment/obsession with strong female figures

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lilly26 View Post
omg this sumps up my life I want to talk for long but you just explained my feelings.

With the 'mother-figure' women in my life, I long for cuddles/touches and physical affection- all of which I didn't get from my own mother. It's so insane and intense .... can't even talk to anybody about it.
the emotions that come with it are overwhelming and crushing, because what we long for can never exist from the people we attach ourselves to. its hard to talk about coz you feel weird but you are not
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Old 02-25-2019, 10:18 AM #14
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Default Re: Attachment/obsession with strong female figures

I'm so sorry you're hurting so much, mrr86 You're definitely not alone in this as this thread has already shown. Lots of people can become attached to fictional characters. You're NOT a freak. It seems like your past has had a big impact on you. Please don't be so hard on yourself. You're a wonderful person who's just struggling. That's normal for a lot of people. I'm glad you're seeing a therapis. I hope things are going ok with him/her. I hope you'll be able to get the help you need and deserve. You deserve to get better and to feel good. You deserve to live a good life like everyone else. Stay strong, mrr86. Stay safe and take care of yourself. I'm so sorry, I know it's hard. I hope things will get better soon for you. Is there anything we can do to help you? Please let us know. Remember that we're here for you if you need it. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this
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Old 02-25-2019, 06:41 PM #15
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Default Re: Attachment/obsession with strong female figures

Good luck and you are not alone here!!
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Old 03-23-2019, 07:39 PM #16
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Default Re: Attachment/obsession with strong female figures

Wow, I’ve been searching all over the internet to explain how I feel and you all have finally given some relief that I’m not alone.
Is there anyplace/book/website/podcast/etc ANYTHING that can help in growing out of this attachment?
I feel like I recognize how the neglect of my mother growing up is the main cause but even though I understand the cause and emotions I feel like I’ve made little progress in overcoming these obsessive attachments.
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Old 03-24-2019, 05:33 PM #17
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Default Re: Attachment/obsession with strong female figures

I've never found anyone I could relate to on this!
Has anyone found any helpful ways to overcome the obsessive attachments?

Thank you to everyone for being so open!
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Old 03-26-2019, 07:03 PM #18
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Default Re: Attachment/obsession with strong female figures

This is right on..
Quote:
I feel like I recognize how the neglect of my mother growing up is the main cause but even though I understand the cause and emotions I feel like I’ve made little progress in overcoming these obsessive attachments.

This concept, called transference, is discussed in context of psychotherapy alot but is the same thing outside of therapy.

Quote:
Summary

When you are working to overcome the transference, keep in mind this important fact:

You are not “in love” with your psychotherapist; you are obsessed with the idea that another person can give you what has been missing in your life because of what your parents—especially your father—failed to give you in your childhood.

Erotic Transference in Psychotherapy
There are a ton of posts about transference in the psychotherapy forum.

Psychoanalytic therapy can help a person understand and overcome these issues.

Last edited by octoberful; 03-26-2019 at 07:26 PM.
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