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Old 03-26-2019, 07:36 PM #11
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Default Re: What if one cannot conceptualize "soothing"?

Quote:
Originally Posted by TheUrOther View Post
One of the important aspects of attachment to a caregiver is the concept that they will soothe their infant. What if all caregivers were so hostile to such care that the ward can no longer conceptualize the concept of "soothing"?

I have been diagnosed with treatment-resistant Complex PTSD, and likely suffer from some type of attachment disorder, but it's so intense it has not been positively diagnosed. Every person I have encountered in my life, starting with my parents, have been actively hostile to my existence. As such, the very concept of "soothing" doesn't make any sense to me; I have no idea what it means. What does that mean in regards to my ability to deal with humanity? How can I survive - get a job, perform economic trade - with a species hostile to my existence?
I never heard of 'treatment-resistant Complex PTSD but i don't buy this theory. I think some people end up with certain traits like low frustration tolerance and impulse control problems, but don't feel you are doomed for life-you may be able to change.

Soothing, among other things, can be considered quelling negative emotion and feeling secure. I do believe children internalize their mother's soothing and that's how self-soothing ability gets established. Unfortunately, if you didn't have this, life can be very difficult. But not hopeless.

The way I developed self soothing, in part, was years of therapy. But it didn't take root until I separated from my therapist, broke free of my dependency on him as a result of working through transference for several years.

About the hostility-are you sure it isn't you projecting your hostility on others? If not, i would think of it as projective identification.
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Old 03-26-2019, 11:28 PM #12
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Default Re: What if one cannot conceptualize "soothing"?

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I never heard of 'treatment-resistant Complex PTSD but i don't buy this theory. I think some people end up with certain traits like low frustration tolerance and impulse control problems, but don't feel you are doomed for life-you may be able to change.
First, Complex PTSD is a freshly-discovered variant of PTSD that's still being actively defined and clarified. The fact that my injuries are treatment-resistant (as diagnosed by highly-qualified therapists) is separate from the definition of the disorder. I'm not certain what grounds you have to doubt this "theory" but I have been diagnosed by skilled therapists. Are your credentials better than theirs? What do you know that they don't?

Second, I have spent my entire life changing only to be constantly abused no matter what I change into. It's been solidly proven that changing me isn't the solution to my problems - if it were, my problems would have to have been solved by now; I have changed into every morally sound psychological mode of being. If you start by doubting what I say and insisting that what is being done to me is my fault, then you're not in the right mindset for this conversation; you will never derive correct answers from an inherently faulty foundation.

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Soothing, among other things, can be considered quelling negative emotion and feeling secure.
Define 'secure'. Generally, I am philosophically opposed to the concept of "security"; I don't believe it exists and I feel its belief itself is toxic and misleading to those who believe.

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About the hostility-are you sure it isn't you projecting your hostility on others? If not, i would think of it as projective identification.
People have been this level of hostile to me since I was six years old - my very first interaction with non-family human beings were this hostile; I would not be able to "project" this hostility then because at that time I had never encountered such hostility before and didn't know what it was. You are expecting a young child to "project" a quality he had never been exposed to before - how would that be possible? The people who were and are hostile to me are in fact hostile, and are so of their own free will, completely free of influence by me or my behavior.

Furthermore, projection requires a strong sense of "self" in order to project; my sense of self is practically non-existent. I can speak (write) as if I have a sense of self, but I'm only imitating the verbal syntax.

Again, it looks like you're reaching to blame me for what is being done to me. I have a hard time believing you are discussing this topic in good faith. If anything, I believe you are projecting by accusing me of projection, with the intent of preempting any criticism of your own ideas and behaviors. I have observed this tactic used often in political boards by people who are deliberately arguing flawed ideas in hopes of fooling the unaware.
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Old 03-26-2019, 11:40 PM #13
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Default Re: What if one cannot conceptualize "soothing"?

no, not blaming you-was asking a question. projection comes from a weak sense of self, but everyone projects. asking if you are projecting isn't assigning fault. Serious question, but it doesn't seem like a good idea to ask you question.

10 mental health workers will give 10 different diagnoses to the same person, so questioning a diagnosis seems normal to me.
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Old 03-27-2019, 12:35 AM #14
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Default Re: What if one cannot conceptualize "soothing"?

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projection comes from a weak sense of self
That is not what I've read - I've read that projection comes from an overly strong sense of self a la narcissism. I likely have echoism - the opposite of narcissism. In either case, there isn't enough "me" to project.



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10 mental health workers will give 10 different diagnoses to the same person, so questioning a diagnosis seems normal to me.
Then what is the value of any of them, if a consensus cannot be reached? How does one determine which is correct?
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Old 04-09-2019, 08:57 PM #15
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Default Re: What if one cannot conceptualize "soothing"?

New person, chiming in, as my current therapist (probably my 20th mental health professional in life) was the first to mention this "attachment" language to me. She asked me how I self soothe. I only had the negative things I did for years as examples. (Over exercise, over perform, bulimia, etc.) It took me a while to realize I DON'T soothe. Ever. I only had self destructive behaviors that "soothed." I too have been diagnosed with complex PTSD, and depression, anxiety, OCD, eating disorders, agoraphobia, bipolar type 2, dissociative depersonalization... I have yet to learn and understand exactly what "attachment issues" are, what it means. I grew up with a mommy dearest. Never knew which mommy I was coming home to...so I now understand that the mixed messages and fear and chaos caused me to not ever be soothed. Always alert. Always waiting for the other shoe to drop.

So who to believe? Which diagnosis? I honestly can say I don't know. That is why we are here. To see what makes sense and feels true in our own experience. It doesn't matter what we find...what matters is that we look.
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Old 04-12-2019, 08:19 PM #16
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Default Re: What if one cannot conceptualize "soothing"?

Talking about mommy dearest mothers, for people who did grow up in a situation like that, I thought to myself who the heck didn't have a mommy dearest, as my mothers menstrual periods were soo horrific we were all scared at that time of month, all eleven of us and my father.
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