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Old 08-24-2019, 06:24 PM   #1
TeaFruit
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Unhappy Mother transference towards therapist. Therapy ending.

I have mother feelings towards my felmale therapist. Meaning I see her as a mum I never had. I told her this and she told me she had daughter like feelings towards me too.

Well it's been hard recently cause she told me how we only have 7 months left in therapy my anxiety has gone off the roof, I can't imagine myself coping without her. The phone calls have reduce to one phone call too.

I was allowed to call her at her mental health practice which is public healthcare that the goverment provides in my country and the goverment gives money to public healthcare so if your a citizen in the country you get therapy for free.

So I would call through the system to get hold of her when I was distressed. This was allowed cause if you experience borderline personality disorder one of the treatments is phone call therapy.
At frist I called once a week but then it got more often. Some times it be because I couldnt get hold of her. So there was alot of ringing to try to catch her on the phone. So I would call maybe 3 times a day maybe up to 5 to try and get hold of her, to talk to her. If say I got hold of her once on that day I wouldn't call again.
Just explaining the phone calls so you get the picture what was going on. I use to have a set time when to call her and day but forgot that. So then it ended up me calling her when I could get her. Or waiting anxiously when she would call back.

Then maybe 4 weeks ago I called her 3 times on a Friday through out the day. I didn't know she didn't work on Fridays. When you call you get the desk people who answer the phone and transfer the calls. So I thought that they wernt passing the message on to her. I was super distressed! I had to make a decision at that time to have a x-ray of my neck or not, because I have health anxiety and I wasn't sure if I was feeding into it or not. All I got was a call from the desk lady to say she doesnt work on Fridays. I was told that late afternoon like 5 in the afternoon.
Wish they told me sooner. 😡

So the following week my therapist told me "calling me more than once wont make me call you" when she said that I felt attacked, and felt a sense of ashamed and sense of anxiety arises within me. 😰
I told her I thought its cause of desk people not messaging her. She said no they did. Well that was end of conversation. Still bothers me now. ☹

I guess the 7 months bothers me. Because previously I had a student therapist for 2 years, from same place public healthcare. Same building too. My mental health got worse I experience sucidie thoughts, self harm. It was so bad.
Eventually he graduated and told me a month before therapy ending and never told me the date when it will end. Or how there is "transession of ending therapy." He just one day told me "next week is last therapy session". He didnt even told my key worker. My key worker found out through me! When I called once.
This student therapist promised to me that I'll able to see him outside of public healthcare in his practice,but he lied to me. Then he try to gaslight me saying he never said that. I thought I was going crazy and making stuff up in my head. I had to talk to my partner to make sure I wasnt going crazy. Well I wasnt. Thank goodness. But it broke me. I didnt even went to the last session but had a phone call with him but that ended up me hanging up on him with him gaslighting me. Also me trying to Express how I was hurt about this.
I cried endlessly, I was ruined. I ended up going to my gp doctor after trying to hang myself to call the public healthcare to pretty tell them to do there job "right". I got a new therapist which I guess I was getting but it was only going to happen in January. But I was such in a bad way, I needed help now.

So having a traumatic experience of that. Now the sudden" oh you only have 7 months left. "
Is affecting me greatly. I'm finding it hard to cope and work on present stuff that's needed in therapy so I be ready to end therapy in 7 months. My current therapist told me if anxiety of ending therapy is gonna stop the process of helping me. She gonna end therapy. Because it won't be helping me.

I'm freaking out, because it's like well um, what am I gonna do? I dont have a job, I dont have friends. Just my partner. I live at home with my mum and sister who are emotional, abusive and dismissive. Like seriously my mum would ignored me when I try to hang myself. Or use to call me ******, pig or selfish if I didnt say put my clothes on rack cause Inwanted to put them in the clothes dryer. Yeah my mum is messed up but people who work with her or extended family members wouldnt believe this. They think I'm making it up or be completely shocked. Because she very good at putting a "face on" so of speak that she is professional and level headed.
So I'm afarid I will get worse again. She did suggested seeing a student therapist because of the affordability. See someone young so I dont have that father/mother transference.

I really need help. Any advice! I'm really freaking out.

Last edited by TeaFruit; 08-24-2019 at 06:39 PM..
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Old 08-24-2019, 06:29 PM   #2
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Default Re: Mother transference towards therapist. Therapy ending.

I don't really have any advice, but I'm sorry you have to leave your therapist. Personally, I have never felt close to any of mine. But I never found therapy helpful either. Maybe attachment is necessary for healing?

Don't know if this helps, but I do feel for you.
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Old 08-24-2019, 06:36 PM   #3
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Default Re: Mother transference towards therapist. Therapy ending.

I feel for you.. I donít really have much advice. I think attachment probably is necessary for healing
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Old 08-24-2019, 06:41 PM   #4
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Default Re: Mother transference towards therapist. Therapy ending.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fuzzybear View Post
I feel for you.. I donít really have much advice. I think attachment probably is necessary for healing
Thank you
What do you mean by attachment healing?
My therapist told me I have dependent attachment. Even towards my partner.
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Old 09-02-2019, 05:10 PM   #5
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Default Re: Mother transference towards therapist. Therapy ending.

I think you're being awfully hard on yourself for an experience that is supposed to be helpful in therapy - attachment transference.


What I don't understand is why the 7 months? I mean, what happens in 7 months that will cause therapy to terminate?
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Old 09-15-2019, 01:54 PM   #6
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Default Re: Mother transference towards therapist. Therapy ending.

How are you doing now? Transference is a common part of therapy and seen by many as important for healing to take place. It's certainly nothing to be ashamed of. You need a therapist who will welcome your deep feelings and help you process them. This is how we can heal from the past - by experiencing a safe attachment to a T that brings up past feelings. Obviously in most cases it's a long process, certainly much longer than 7 months, as it's about building trust. Can you T absolutely not see you after 7 months? I know it's hard, but do you have any other options in terms of seeing an open ended therapist? It is necessary for trauma work to not feel rushed although I know life doesn't always work that way in reality.

Please take care and keep going. Often it takes more than one therapist to heal over time. You WILL come through this and attach to someone again.
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