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Old 10-11-2019, 05:28 AM   #1
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Default What exactly does disorganized attachment look like?

I was told because I have DID that I have disorganized attachment. This was years ago. To this day, no matter what I read online, I still have no clue what disorganized attachment actually looks like.
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Old 10-11-2019, 03:51 PM   #2
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Smile Re: What exactly does disorganized attachment look like?

Here's a link to an article, from PC's archives, on the subject of disorganized attachment:

Disorganised Attachment | Psychotherapy Matters

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Old 10-11-2019, 05:50 PM   #3
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Default Re: What exactly does disorganized attachment look like?

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Originally Posted by Skeezyks View Post
Here's a link to an article, from PC's archives, on the subject of disorganized attachment:

Disorganised Attachment | Psychotherapy Matters

@Skeezyks

Thanks so much for sharing that article. Although the article is helpful at pinpointing my developmental issues, including traumatic parents, it only vaguely touches on what disorganized attachment looks like as an adult. The article addresses PTSD, CPTSD, and dissociation, and explains a little about how dissociation is meant to hide our vulnerability with others and to protect the self in many ways, but it doesn't SHOW precisely how this occurs in various interpersonal relationships, including work relationships, friendships, romantic relationships, and otherwise.

For instance, if I have DID, does my disorganized attachment appear like this:

1. Other people see my personality AND moods change (not just my moods alone, because happiness and giddiness are two different moods that could be felt by me, the core person, alone, but could also be exhibited in different ways by different alters, or now, as a person who is somewhat integrated/fused, by the different parts of me that are fused and co-conscious)

2. When other people see my personality and moods change, they have a hard time "figuring me out" or "relating to me" or "feeling a sense of security in a relationship because I'm not appearing consistent" or "hearing different opinions (like I share on PC forums here) from me that appear to be wishy washy by the layperson, but are distinct differences that I hold within me and with my various parts that others don't see." In other words, other people are confused by how I present myself differently at different times, and they don't know how to respond to that or feel consistently safe with me. Others may not trust me.

3. When in working relationships, others may consider my presentation a bit off and therefore unreliable or untrustworthy, even though my work is good and competitive with my counterparts (as evidenced by my successes in both school and the workplace, despite my alternate personalities). Others' perceptions of my presentation, even if I explain and use any of the social skills offered for me and my various parts, will hinder my ability to maintain work.

4. When in friendship relationships, others may think I'm off or too strange to hang out with, so they may only approach me from a distance.

5. When in romantic relationships, my significant partner may have a hard time with feeling in love with one part of me but not the other, or may feel scared or put off by some part of me but not the others. My disorganized attachment is such that I have to deal with many different triggers, and by dealing with the different triggers, even by accepting all parts of me as me, and by expressing anything regarding my struggles or my needs at different times, such as not wanting intimate physical contact at certain times but wanting it at others. That confusion could really harm romantic relationships, and I have yet to truly understand what the other partner sees or feels, or how my interactions with him were "disorganized." But, I'm asexual and plan to be single the rest of my life, so I don't have to worry about this type of relationship as much as I worry about closer friendships.

6. In close friendships, my changing opinions, personalities, and moods may come off as strange or confusing, and may not be the kind of consistency that close relationships often require. Like romantic relationships, when that consistency isn't there, the close friend may have liked one part of me but not the other parts of me, and most people (singletons) who are consistent cannot understand the inconsistencies and why they are there, even if you do disclose.

7. For those who do NOT have DID, disorganized attachment may appear differently in the relationships mentioned above. And, even for those who have DID, their comorbid disorders and/or different systems may present different examples of disorganized attachment in various interpersonal relationships.

Overall, I'm not seeing specific examples of what disorganized attachments in adults look like. I want to see what a dialogue exchange would appear like, or what the perceptions of both the person with the disorganized attachment and the receiving person are thinking and behaving in given situations, most notably, any type of conflicts that naturally arise in interpersonal relationships.
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Old 10-20-2019, 06:53 PM   #4
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Default Re: What exactly does disorganized attachment look like?

Quote:
Originally Posted by lillib View Post
@Skeezyks

Thanks so much for sharing that article. Although the article is helpful at pinpointing my developmental issues, including traumatic parents, it only vaguely touches on what disorganized attachment looks like as an adult. The article addresses PTSD, CPTSD, and dissociation, and explains a little about how dissociation is meant to hide our vulnerability with others and to protect the self in many ways, but it doesn't SHOW precisely how this occurs in various interpersonal relationships, including work relationships, friendships, romantic relationships, and otherwise.

For instance, if I have DID, does my disorganized attachment appear like this:

1. Other people see my personality AND moods change (not just my moods alone, because happiness and giddiness are two different moods that could be felt by me, the core person, alone, but could also be exhibited in different ways by different alters, or now, as a person who is somewhat integrated/fused, by the different parts of me that are fused and co-conscious)

2. When other people see my personality and moods change, they have a hard time "figuring me out" or "relating to me" or "feeling a sense of security in a relationship because I'm not appearing consistent" or "hearing different opinions (like I share on PC forums here) from me that appear to be wishy washy by the layperson, but are distinct differences that I hold within me and with my various parts that others don't see." In other words, other people are confused by how I present myself differently at different times, and they don't know how to respond to that or feel consistently safe with me. Others may not trust me.

3. When in working relationships, others may consider my presentation a bit off and therefore unreliable or untrustworthy, even though my work is good and competitive with my counterparts (as evidenced by my successes in both school and the workplace, despite my alternate personalities). Others' perceptions of my presentation, even if I explain and use any of the social skills offered for me and my various parts, will hinder my ability to maintain work.

4. When in friendship relationships, others may think I'm off or too strange to hang out with, so they may only approach me from a distance.

5. When in romantic relationships, my significant partner may have a hard time with feeling in love with one part of me but not the other, or may feel scared or put off by some part of me but not the others. My disorganized attachment is such that I have to deal with many different triggers, and by dealing with the different triggers, even by accepting all parts of me as me, and by expressing anything regarding my struggles or my needs at different times, such as not wanting intimate physical contact at certain times but wanting it at others. That confusion could really harm romantic relationships, and I have yet to truly understand what the other partner sees or feels, or how my interactions with him were "disorganized." But, I'm asexual and plan to be single the rest of my life, so I don't have to worry about this type of relationship as much as I worry about closer friendships.

6. In close friendships, my changing opinions, personalities, and moods may come off as strange or confusing, and may not be the kind of consistency that close relationships often require. Like romantic relationships, when that consistency isn't there, the close friend may have liked one part of me but not the other parts of me, and most people (singletons) who are consistent cannot understand the inconsistencies and why they are there, even if you do disclose.

7. For those who do NOT have DID, disorganized attachment may appear differently in the relationships mentioned above. And, even for those who have DID, their comorbid disorders and/or different systems may present different examples of disorganized attachment in various interpersonal relationships.

Overall, I'm not seeing specific examples of what disorganized attachments in adults look like. I want to see what a dialogue exchange would appear like, or what the perceptions of both the person with the disorganized attachment and the receiving person are thinking and behaving in given situations, most notably, any type of conflicts that naturally arise in interpersonal relationships.

I cannot find anything outstanding on the subject of adult disorganized attachment either. I did find this video...maybe it will give you some information?
YouTube
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