advertisement
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 12-13-2019, 04:14 PM   #1
JustExisting
Member
JustExisting has no updates.
 
Member Since: Apr 2019
Location: Canada
Posts: 52
7 hugs
given
Default Lonely? Just have friends!

Not sure exactly where I should put this but I am attachment challenged and terribly lonely in life so I guess this is as good a place as any.

I just took the loneliness quiz on this site and I can't believe the answer that came up. I rated as a 38 extremely lonely. I have literally no friends and no family of value.

Sometimes I get suicidal and I read articles for help they are almost always without fail tell you to reach out to your loved ones and to your friends for they will surely support you. You only feel like you have nobody they say. But if you reach out you'll see that you actually do. Everyone says this every article every person everyone I'm so tired of hearing it it makes me feel like the most isolated person on Earth.

So I took the loneliness quiz here and here is the advice I receive

"You may find that you could benefit by trying to reach out to others in your life -- right now. A close friend or family member whom you trust and talk to can go a long way in helping to relieve feelings of loneliness in many people."

I would have thought this website would be more sensitive to the truth of loneliness. Does anyone on earth besides me actually have nobody?
JustExisting is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:

advertisement
Old 12-13-2019, 05:45 PM   #2
Skeezyks
Infamous Old Troll
 
Skeezyks's Avatar
Skeezyks has no updates.
 
Member Since: Oct 2015
Location: L'Etoile du Nord
Posts: 22,119 (SuperPoster!)
3 yr Member
13.8k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Smile Re: Lonely? Just have friends!

Thanks for posting this. I'm not completely alone because I'm married. But otherwise I have no extended family, no friends, & really not even any acquaintances of consequence. However, in my case, it's by choice. I'm a recluse. I simply prefer to be left alone. I do know, though, from reading posts here on PC, there are members who simply have no one at all.

I read quite a few of the articles here on PC. And, you're right, there's a lot of emphasis in them on having friends & how beneficial it is for one's health (both mental & physical.) And that is, of course, the same perspective you get anywhere else you happen to look.

I sometimes wonder about the wisdom of placing so much emphasis on the importance of having friends (& family too for that matter.) The fact is friends aren't like shirts... if you need some you simply go out & buy them. For many of us friendship (& even positive family relationships) simply aren't in the cards for whatever reason. (Before you can have a friend someone has to want to be your friend. You can't simply manufacture them.) So to keep harping on how important it is to have friends & family, & to reach out to them for help & support, is kind-of like telling someone who's drowning to swim.

I actually feel this way about a lot of what passes for mental health advice. Sure that's (obviously) a great idea in theory. (Why didn't I think of that?) But if that were really a practical solution I (or whoever might be looking) wouldn't be looking for advice to begin with. Anyway... those are my thoughts with regard to your post. Hopefully being here on PC is at least some small remedy for your loneliness.
__________________
Speak only if you can improve upon the silence.
Skeezyks is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
Old 12-13-2019, 06:03 PM   #3
JustExisting
Member
JustExisting has no updates.
 
Member Since: Apr 2019
Location: Canada
Posts: 52
7 hugs
given
Default Re: Lonely? Just have friends!

Seriously thank you. Telling someone who's drowning to just swim that is the perfect way to put it. thank you for the validation.
JustExisting is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 12-24-2019, 08:48 PM   #4
giddykitty
Veteran Member
giddykitty has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jan 2018
Location: United States
Posts: 596
1 yr Member
901 hugs
given
Default Re: Lonely? Just have friends!

I'll second the sentiment that hopefully being on PC forums will help with your loneliness.

I also am married, but still often feel lonely as me and him are quite different and have different roles in the relationship leaving less to do together. We do have some things tho, to which I am grateful. But anyhow, I don't really have friends or family either and again, like skeezyks, it's a lot by choice. Most folks don't fulfill my needs or they aren't the type of people I want to associate with. Of course some of it was that i did all of the initiating, so I found it wasn't worth doing that....except, since this IS the attachment forum, I will say I've had periods of doing things for others unconditionally even though they didn't treat me with the same preferential treatment. Anyway, I digress. Just putting it out there that you can talk to me if you'd like. These days it's nice to have folks to chat with. Take care!
giddykitty is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 12-25-2019, 09:39 AM   #5
Emily Fox Seaton
Grand Poohbah
 
Emily Fox Seaton's Avatar
Emily Fox Seaton has no updates.
 
Member Since: Dec 2016
Location: Senegal
Posts: 1,732
3 yr Member
350 hugs
given
Default Re: Lonely? Just have friends!

There is a website called "a lonely life forum" that you might want to check out. I find this one much better.

I find it very difficult to find people because I find so many people lacking. That is the issue for me. I also feel like media has changed. In the 90s I had all these on line friends because we use to talk via message boards. But now most talking is short term in superficial... like facebook or instagram.
Emily Fox Seaton is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 01-01-2020, 10:29 AM   #6
ktcharmed
New Member
ktcharmed has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jan 2018
Location: UK
Posts: 8
2 yr Member
15 hugs
given
Default Re: Lonely? Just have friends!

I feel like I don't have enough people in my life, I don't have any family either other than a couple of aunties. My goal for the new year is to try and find more people to talk to so I get where you're coming from.
ktcharmed is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 01-09-2020, 09:35 AM   #7
JustExisting
Member
JustExisting has no updates.
 
Member Since: Apr 2019
Location: Canada
Posts: 52
7 hugs
given
Default Re: Lonely? Just have friends!

Quote:
Originally Posted by ktcharmed View Post
I feel like I don't have enough people in my life, I don't have any family either other than a couple of aunties. My goal for the new year is to try and find more people to talk to so I get where you're coming from.

Best of luck to you. I might have a potential friend in the works so hopefully this is the start of a better life.
JustExisting is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 01-18-2020, 12:37 PM   #8
will19
Magnate
 
will19's Avatar
will19 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Oct 2012
Posts: 2,292
5 yr Member
871 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: Lonely? Just have friends!

All I have is just one friend and one sister in my family. They are OK but I feel like it can be better than what I have. I don't mean having more, I want better quality. With the two that I have going for me I feel like they need to improve in quality; and especially in dependability where that's lacking in those two.

I moved into a place about eight months ago, thinking that it was going to be better in making friends, and to fit into a community than the other place I lived at. It started off pretty good but now it's like nothing, just like the last place. I guess I live in an area where the culture is to be "just into yourself".

I personally feel that having great quality and dependability in friends and family can help a whole lot. But having so called friends and family that are not that great can feel more detrimental.
will19 is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 10:45 AM.

Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2020, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

advertisement

Psych Central Forums

Psych Central is the leading mental health website, overseen by mental health professionals since 1995.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.
Please read the full disclaimer.