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wmadd3
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Default Mar 13, 2020 at 09:07 PM
  #1
Hi, long story here...to get the real question.

So, most my life the idea of what is ADD/ADHD was never really something that was. I mean, yeah there were those "retalin" kids, but that was NOT me. I was generally quite and did as I was told and was a good listener. Was pretty average in school, but wasn't the math or science kid. I did however, excel in the arts and had a rather good understanding on reading and writing. Although, I didn't participate much in high school and just did what I needed to do to get by and graduate, I did go on to community college and then art school.

The point? Nothing really indicated that I had ADD within in any spectrum. I mean, nothing extreme or obvious to society.

However, fast forward to my 40's now, and looking back through my life, it's apparent that I sit within the lower scale of the ADD spectrum. This based on my psychiatrist (which btw, I fell with in a few points of having ADD from the test and medication wasn't an apparent must have.) My wife and I have both research and read books and articles and videos and what have you to understand this disorder or whatever you want to call it.

And since my kids have it, as well as uncles and cousins on my wife's side (who obviously have it,) as well as my side, including my mom, all seem to display it.

Ok, probably. Yes. I have ADD. Explains some things when I look back on them. Particularly, getting board and overlooking mundane things. Which, I'm described as having "hyper focus" on things that interest me. Which btw, isn't everyone? I mean, how can anyone possible stay focused on uninspiring revisions and spreadsheets. blah!

But, here's the question or if this is a familiar scene for anyone. Sometimes, I think I'm just loosing my mind. Especially when, if maybe I'm a little frustrated with something or a thing didn't happen the way I was expecting or in traffic, or what have you in life...my wife will ask...

"Did you take your medicine (adderall generic 20mg xr) this morning?" Or "Did you remember to take your medicine? Your just acting frustrated and mad with what is just a little thing." or something like that.

OR

If I forgot or didn't get around to calling someone or a place or do some chore around the house, or write the word "can't" instead of "can" on a note to a teacher, she'll ask, "Is your medicine working? Maybe it's not working."

Well, frankly, this all just seems absurd to me, because I know very well I took my medicine! However, I'm at the point I'm not sure if what my brain is telling me is even accurate or if I'm suppose to be perfect with the medication. I feel like my wife thinks its a magic bean or something and suddenly I'll just go through day floating on an emotional-less cloud of my better self. She often compares my behavior to her dads easy going rarely upset Dr. personality. Which I don't think is fair. And she even thinks I didn't do well in school, which...no...i did fine. I didn't have A's (except art maybe) but mostly B's to low C's. Or is my memory tricking me? It's all pretty clear and obvious in my head. Or is her standards and whats important not the same as me?

Am I actually forgetting things? I consider myself to have a fairly good memory and good sense of what time it was without having looked at clock. OR is it just that I'm in the middle of LIFE with 3 kids, with the youngest being a 4 year old boy, WHILE trying to have a career? So as of late, I feel like maybe my mind isn't right and have failed way to much in the past (effecting my career) to where I can't be trusted in what I wrote, typed or updated. Whereas, I can't even trust my own mind! I'm suppose to never make a mistake and should execute everything with perfection ? Is that what "normal" people do?

I will admit, I image my mind would be a very exhausting place to live in. However, sometimes I just don't know what is suppose to be, how am I suppose to be and is everyone, (although, with good intentions) but ignorantly tricking me? Convincing me I'm crazy?

In fact, I can clearly remember what I was intending to write on that post-it note the very moment I was writing it, but turned out I actually wrote "can't" instead of "can."

Is this...ADD? Did my memory trick me? Or is this something else called being human?

Well, maybe that was a long rant versus a question. But just wandering if there are similar stories.

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Smile Mar 14, 2020 at 01:25 PM
  #2
Hello wmadd: Thank you for sharing your concern here on PC. I don't think there is anything I can offer with regard to what you are experiencing. But I see this is your first post. So... welcome to Psych Central.

Here are links to 9 articles on the subject of ADHD, from Psych Central's archives, that may be of interest. (There are lots more):

Adults with ADHD: Tips for Juggling Life in Today's Frenetic World

9 Tips for Creating a Routine for Adults with ADHD

ADHD and Adults: When You're Having a Difficult Day

ADHD and Adults: How to Create a Routine When You Don't Have a 9 to 5

Adults & ADHD: 8 Tips to Make Good Decisions

https://psychcentral.com/lib/15-adhd...dium=popular17

https://psychcentral.com/blog/adults...dium=popular17

https://psychcentral.com/blog/the-bi...dium=popular17

https://psychcentral.com/lib/5-warni...dium=popular17

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

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"I may be older but I am not wise / I'm still a child's grown-up disguise / and I never can tell you what you want to know / You will find out as you go." (from: "A Nightengale's Lullaby" - Julie Last)
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Default Mar 15, 2020 at 07:48 AM
  #3
There are some online screening tools you can take to see if ADHD might be worth looking further into. The issues you describe could be do to it but also due to other things including depression, medical conditions, or other causes. It's best to work closely with a provider and look into it more directly without evaluation, possibly medication, and ongoing support and treatment.
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